Warnings: Yaoi, Angst
Secret Pain
Chapter Two: Crying Rain, Crying Eyes
Carrot slammed the door to his own room. He paced, movements jerky, betraying his frustration. How could this happen? How could Marron let that bastard touch him like that? Why hadn't he been able to stop him?
Tira stepped into the room, coldly she stared at him, he stopped and stared back. "What?"
Deliberately she smacked his cheek, "How could you?"
One hand reached to cover the wounded spot, "I had every right."
"If I had known you would do this, I wouldn't have told you! You know how hard that boy's had it, he's finally found someone. Can't /you/ find space in that close-minded little world of your to be happy?"
"Happy?" he scoffed. "I should be happy that my brother's a pervert? I don't even want to think about it."
"You're not even sorry," a statement. Removing her glasses, Tira looked at him with burning eyes. "You're a horrible person Carrot Glace!" With that, she was gone and Carrot was left alone with his thoughts, not appreciating their company in the least.
He had to forget the scene he had observed. Marron pinned down by that big oaf. Except...that hadn't been it at all. He couldn't ignore the pleasure-lidded eyes of his brother, the look of wanting on his face. Nor had he missed Gateau's gentle touch. They weren't just two people sharing a bed, no, this was much worse. They were in love.
~*~
Gateau sat strait-backed in the chair, his eyes rested unfocused on the far wall. He longed to go see Marron and off what comfort he could, but the boy had asked for time and he would respect that. Soon though he would have a 'talk' with Carrot, just as soon as he cooled down enough not to kill him.
~*~
Marron's golden eyes stared at the sky. For once he was grateful for the rain that fell, he would not cry, so the sky would for him.
A knock sounded on his door, too loud in the deadly silence of his thoughts. He made no move to open it. Quietly Tira stepped into the room to observe the mage. He was lying on his side in the middle of the bed, starring intently as drops of water hit the window, the only sound of the room.
�Marron-chan?� No answer. She walked around the bed, bending over to look into his face. It was serene and calm as always. �Are you okay?�
�Yes.� He didn�t stir, didn�t look at her, only the rain.
�I�m sorry that Carrot acted that way. I heard him yelling clear downstairs. I�m sure, given a little time, he�ll come around. And as far as me and Chocolate go, everything will be, er, is fine, you know? You�ve just got to--�
�Am I wrong?� Still he watched the window, seeing through it and into his own mind.
�Huh?�
�Am I wrong...to be me?� Even the rain lost voice and all was quiet. Before Tira could answer, Marron shifted on the bed to sit up and grace her with a smile, forced and fooling no one. �Never mind. I am fine, thank you.� The dismissal was obvious, there was nothing else to be said.
~*~
In the narrow hallway, Tira sighed, frustrated with herself and people in general. Why couldn�t everyone get along? She had told Carrot, naively thinking he would be happy, and frankly she didn�t understand why he was this upset. Inadvertently she had caused this whole mess. Why was Carrot so stupid, why was she so stupid!? There had to be a way to fix things, something she could do...
~*~
If there was one thing Carrot Glace believed in, it was that all things could be forgotten with sufficient amounts of alcohol, a bad day, getting turned down by girls, your brother sleeping with an idiot you work with, whatever. At present he was putting this philosophy to the test and it was failing miserably. No matter how fogged his mind became, one picture remained clear. Them.
Gateau...Marron...what could have happened if not for his intervention. His brain sought answers to crushing questions. Why?! Why did it have to be a man? What couldn�t Marron have fallen for some hot chick, hell, any girl would have done. Then something subtle slipped past his guarded conscience. Why couldn�t it have been me?
His racing thoughts paused and backpedaled. What was /that/? �Never once have you even considered that� his brain lied in consolation. Okay, so it wasn�t exactly the first time it had occurred to him. Sure, his brother was beautiful, a stunning specimen if there ever was one. All that flowing black hair, that ivory skin, and those eyes that could stare into Hell�s fire and never flinch just served to tempt Carrot. Adding the timid yet firm personality and mystical allure of magic made him nearly irresistible. But he was over that now. He loved Marron, but he wasn�t /in/ love with Marron. Nope. He didn�t want to run his hands through that mass of silken hair, he had no interest in holding one of those delicate hands in his own, he only wanted to be a good brother...and so much more.
�Waiter, more sake!� Damn, now his own thoughts were betraying him. What a mess he was in. He really did want Marron to have happiness, and a love between brothers could never work, could it? It was a useless fantasy his heart refused to release its grasp on. For now, it would have to be a secret. The corner of the restaurant seemed to grow dimmer as he recalled the harsh words and painful expressions. What had he done? He had to apologize.
The door opened and shut to admit Gateau and Marron. Not surprising, Carrot realized, the small town only had one place to get a decent meal, or drink for that matter. They were seated across the room from himself. Gateau talked, though he couldn�t hear him, while Marron sat demurely with his hands folded on the table.
Deciding to solve at least one of his problems then and now, Carrot stood. His wobble betrayed his last hour�s activities, but he managed to stabilize enough to walk. He approached them unnoticed with all intentions of making peace until he got within hearing range.
�--not fair Marron. Look, forget Carrot, he�s just a self-absorbed, uncaring bastard who thinks he knows everything that�s good for you. He might�ve been nice to have around as a kid, but now you�d be best to just ditch his sorry ass--�
Rushing forward, Carrot slammed his hands flat onto the table directly between the two.
�Niisan!� Marron gasped, but was completely ignored by Carrot who pointed a finger at Gateau.
�Listen you,� he glared, �what right do you have to call me anything? Look what you�ve done! You�ve perverted Marron with your sick ways--�
�Niisan,� Marron asked for attention and was denied even a glance.
The alcohol�s influence disappeared from his speech, �--and made him like you by pretending you love him, but everyone can see you�re only using him.�
�I do love him! And if you can�t see that then I�ll--�
�Gateau,� Marron pleaded quietly, again ignored.
�You�ll what, try an get in my pants too?� His voice slurred as his face came too close to Gateau for comfort. �Hm, Gateau, you�d sleep with anything that came along. Why don�t you just run along and find some nice whore on the street, you�d like that, wouldn�t you?�
Gateau�s face reddened with anger and drew into a snarl. Pushing Carrot backwards, he stood. The restaurant grew quiet as all eyes focused on them.
�Stop it Carrot. Leave us alone, just for one minute think about your brother�s feelings.�
�Niisan, Gateau...,� Marron stood off to the side, wishing to be anywhere but this place. A nightmare was coming true before his eyes and it was his own fault. If he hadn�t been so weak, if he hadn�t allowed himself to care...
�My brother? He�s just another Gateau Mocha victory.�
The tense atmosphere was overwhelming, words became too much and Gateau pulled back his fist. Carrot raised his own hands as a futile shield to the impending pain. But suddenly Marron was between them, hands stretched outward.
�Stop it!� he commanded, glaring at both of them through slitted eyes, a picture of strength and willpower, but inside he wept. �What do you think you are doing?�
Gateau paused as Marron grasp his fist in both his own hands. �I�m defending my honor, and yours too.�
�By hurting my Niisan? Gateau, you know how much you mean to me,� his mind felt heavy with the stares of the patrons, but his heart was heavier. �I have never felt this way about another person, and I do not think I ever will. That�s...so important to me. But, I can�t let anyone hurt my brother. Please,� his voice didn�t beg, but his eyes did.
Gateau, who could never deny the younger man anything, relented, offering him a soft smile of encouragement.
Marron nodded and turned to Carrot. Gently he placed his arms around Carrot�s neck and embraced him, asking for forgiveness. �I won�t ever let anyone hurt you, I�m so sorry Niisan.�
Rough hands pushed him away and into Gateau�s broad chest. The confusion on his face transformed into hurt as Carrot spoke harshly.
�Don�t call me that! I have no brother.�
�Ni--�
�No! this isn�t a game, we aren�t children anymore! You made your choice, and I�m not gonna stand here to protect you from it.� With that he pushed by Gateau and out the door.
~*~
Carrot burst through the door and the cool air rushed over him, abating his anger and leaving only sadness in its place. Slowly he walked, head bowed and hands shoved into his pockets.
�Some job of apologizing,� his mind berated him. Yes, he�d totally screwed that up. It was all Marron�s fault! Why�d he have to love that moron? Even as he fumed Carrot felt a tingle rise inside his chest at the very mention of the mage�s name.
Never once had anyone made him feel as wanted as his ototo, ever since they were children. Someone o want him, to need him, to love him. A girl could never do that, they were simply...distractions. While chasing girls, his mind was chasing Marron. While holding their hands, he wanted to be holding Marron�s. Even while making love, he saw Marron�s face. He wanted the closeness, closer than lovers, brothers. But, it was wrong! Why?
Surely the universe allowed him to be tempted. Each look, each occasional touch, all of it drove Carrot crazy! And now, each step carried him further from where he wanted to be, in Marron�s arms.
Perhaps it was time to give up, go against nature and follow his own path. Tomorrow. Yes, it was always tomorrow. It had always been tomorrow. In the growing light of the rising sun, he would reveal his feelings, draw Marron into his arms, and live happily ever after etiquette be damned!
But...tomorrow never comes and Marron loves another. The anger returned, seeping into his soul like a thief, stealing his moment of joy. Turning, he punched the thing nearest to him, namely a tree. As he pulled his hand away, blood ran between his injured knuckles and dripped slowly to the ground.
~*~
The red liquid pooled on the floor, streaming from recent wounds. Eyes clenched shut as the silver dagger once again ran its coarse, parting flesh and releasing blood. A gasp escaped pressed lips as the cuts grew deeper, seeking to conquer thought, erase the pain.
The blade hovered, searching. A knock sounded on the door.
�Marron?�
Gateau! No, not now. He started to send him away, but the knob was turning. In that horrible instant, he realized in his rush he hadn�t locked the door. He desperately wanted to jump up, shove it closed. But his legs refused to move, bound by fate, and damned to discovery.
TBC?
End Notes: Once again, thanks to Beautiful Midnight for the ideas, as much as I might have slaughtered them. I hope this doesn�t seem too hurried or brief, I know where the end is going and its difficult not to just throw it down in two or three sentences and be done. If you�d like the third (and final) part, please review. Thanks!