Notes from the Miko: This fic is dedicated to Cody, who gave me the irresistible idea of pairing up Gateau and Potato and who is a very kind and faithful reviewer, who will now never again review my fics after this. However, blame may be placed directly upon me and the Evil Hentai Slug that lives in my basement. By the way, anyone ever seen the movie Earth Girls are Easy?
Warnings: Oh gods, there's everything you can possibly hate in a fic. We got yaoi, we got sap, we got random references to manga and food, we got dialogue form, we got swearing, and we got brotherly love. All in one fic. Wow.
Marron: Yes?
Gateau: I just have to tell ya' {the music plays softly...actually, its rather loud and obvious} I never loved you.
Marron: What?
Gateau: I was just using you to get to my true love.
Marron: {stepping forward} Who?
Gateau: Its....its Potato.
Marron: What the bloody hell?!
Gateau: I just used you to make him jealous. You didn't really think someone as beautiful and conceited as me could love you. Ha! I laugh to sound important!
Marron: {glares} {raises a hand to strike Gateau}
Gateau: {cringes}
Marron: {seems to think for a moment} {lowers hand}
Gateau: {sighs}
Marron: {delivers a well placed kick to Gateau's lower region} Bastard. {storms out door, it, of corse, slams behind him but it catches a bit of his robe} {opens door, removes robe} {slams door again}
Gateau: {lying on the floor trying to comfort Chibi Mocha by clutching it}
~*~
Scene::Smoky bar, you know, with the annoying red stools and a Nosy Bartender who likes to give advice. A couple of men play pool, one sinks the eight ball by accident and the other dances a bit too gleefully, making you ponder exactly what the bet was. The dusty jukebox in the corner plays a cheezy bit of music, adding to the set just for the hell of it.::
Marron: {stalks in} You! {points to the midget-looking boy sitting at the bar sipping milk}
Potato: Hi Marron.
Marron: Hi Marron my ass! I'll kill you for what you've done! {goes for Potato}
Jeeves: {jumps in the way and glares threateningly} {glares threateningly} {glares threateningly}
Marron: {finally looks down}
Jeeves: Leave Master Potato alone! {prepares to attack}
Marron: {whispers a spell and sticks an ofuda to the old man's forehead}
Jeeves: {turns and grabs a nearby cat and starts making out with it in a fashion not worthy of being described}
Kuroneko-sama: Meow.
Jeeves: Oh neko!
Potato: Jeevth!
Marron: {turns to glare at Potato}
Potato: {stands on stool to be almost eye level with the mage}
Marron: You slut! {bitch slaps Potato}
Potato: Tall Floozy! {bitch slaps Marron}
Marron: Blond bimbo! {slap}
Nosy Bartender: Oooh! Cat fight! 5 to 1 odds on the little one!
Potato: Whore! {slap}
Marron: Bitch! {slap}
Gateau: {runs in clutching a bag of frozen lima beans over his injury} Stop this madness! {grabs Potato}
Carrot: {who was apparently sitting at a table waiting for a dramatic entrance} {grabs Marron}
Marron: {struggles against Carrot} Let me go Niisan, I'm gonna mash some potatos!
Gateau: Over my dead body!
Marron: Even better!
Potato: {struggles against Gateau...uselessly} Le'me go, I'm gonna crack some chestnuts!
::Chaos insues in the Jerry Springer fashion. Potato pulls Marron's hair. Gateau gets a new injury to put frozen lima beans on. Carrot breaks a nail::
Marron: {breaks down in tears} {falls to floor in the perfect center of a blue spotlight} I loved you.
Gateau: {kneels next to Marron to wipe away his tears} Well, it was nice when it started.
Marron: No.
Gateau: Huh?
Marron: I never loved you.
Gateau: But you said--
Marron: I was sleeping with your teammate the whole time.
Gateau: But you don't like girls!
Marron: Right, I don't.
Carrot: {steps forward and scoops Marron into his arms} Come on up to my bedroom ototo and I'll make everything all better.
Gateau: But...but...but...
Marron: {still in Carrot's arms} Size isn't everything Gateau {evil smile} but sometimes it is.
Carrot: {carries Marron to his room where they [This section has been censored to keep the rating of this fic at the pre-determined PG13 level, just know it involved a severe lack of clothing and an excess of the phrases "harder", "faster", and "Who's yo brother?!"]}
::Back at the bar::
Gateau: But...but...but...I'm bigger than Carrot!
Potato: {obviously lying, 'cause he's seen the truth, pats Gateau on the head with fake reassurance} Sure you are Gateau-thama.
Gateau: {gets sparkly manga-girl eyes} Oh, Potato-chan!
Potato: {gets eyes so sparkly they blind the Nosy Bartender} Gateau-thama!
Gateau: Potato-chan!
Potato: Gateau-thama!
Gateau: Potato-chan!
Potato: Gateau-thama!
Nosy Bartender: I'm blind, my god, I'm blind! {runs into conveniently placed pole and passes out}
Gateau: I love you Potato Chips!
Potato: I love you Gateau Mocha!
Jeeves: I wanna have your baby Kuroneko-sama!
Kuroneko-sama: Meow
END!
