| Sitting here in the space between phases... of life, of time, of thinking. In between what's passed and what begins to flower. Doing although in the end there's nothing to do. Nothing to be. What would it feel like to be home? Feelings that never made their way to the realm of the concrete...the pragmatic. Maybe they felt too intense. Maybe I was too coward to bring them up to my level. Maybe fear of them taking over. And I don't play games and I don't know if I want to learn. And I don't know if my ideals want to hit the concrete floor of context yet. And nothing's ever perfect but god...I want you with me! That would be the most perfect imperfection. Maybe when something feels right...like it clicks...that's when it's perfect. Maybe it's not about it living up to every standard you've made up in your mind. Maybe the mind just doesn't know perfection... but maybe the heart does. My new friends the feelings. Which of them are worth my loyalty? Right now they all seem too hollow. So not worth letting them take me. Are they? When ideals and context, feelings and social rules, moralism and morality all crash in a huge big bang... And I'm watching the colors and the fireworks...hoping life will give me some understanding because right now I have no clue. What will the universe be like... the one after my big bang? L.Q. Dec 06. |
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