the Love List and some Stuff abotu Moknhys!
Disclaimer - the events and characters in these stories are in no way real or based in fact. Nor are they the products of drug-induced trips so don't even think about trying to get us arrested. And while I'm here, I'll add that I accept no responsibility for these, I was...uh...tired when we were writing them.
Random Story #1
Once, about a week ago, seven potheads gathered in the Joseph's Well car park. They smoked an excessive quantity of weed and then, when they began to see small pink kittens flying around their heads, they realised that they were on fire and ran around screaming "AH! FUCK!" Then they discovered a small colony of mongeese with fire hydrants in the corner of the car park. "PUT OUT THE FIRE!!!" screamed all the potheads in unison. The fireman mongeese shook their heads. "If you want us to put the fire out," they said, "you must bring us a shrubbery." So off went the seven burning potheads in search of a shrubbery. After a while they all fell down a deep pit of fire which led to Chastity's bass drum. It was here that they met some beanie babies who, fortunately, had a shrubbery.So the seven potheads (still burning) caught the number two bus and somehow ended up back at Joseph's Well. Magical, hmm? While they were doing all this the mongeese had gone, with their fire hydrants, back to the cave in Lapland in which they lived. Here they snorted lots of crack and met some elves which had been enslaved by Santa and forced to produce toys for annoying spoilt little brats all over the world. Together they had a long and merry drug festival. About a year later, they remembered the burning potheads and laughed at them.
Random story #2
Once a long time ago in the days before sin a small worm went out for a wiggle. He was happily squirming along when he suddenly became enlightened and realised that the path to true happiness was to find a porn worm to keep him company. So to fulfil this need he went to his friendly local brothel. Here he was met by six seductive worms dancing in front of him in sequinned bras and thongs made of ribbons. And they were all male, so he thought he might as well become gay as they were so seductive. Then he started having spasms of excruciating pain due to the 97% pure Polish vodka he had been drinking earlier that day. The worms at the brothel were very worried by theis, as they didn't want the police to come to look after the worm (whose name incidentally was Cedric) and at the same time uncover their dodgy activities at the brothel. So they took him outside and spanked him with a fish, whereupon he died.
Random story #3
I can't remember this one, the paper we wrote it on is still at Chastity's house. I'll find it sometime.
Random story #4
Once long ago when you were jsut a twinkle in your Dad's secretary's eye, a dead beetle was struck by a magical bolt of lightning and rose from his grave wearing a rather attractive pair of bloodstained fangs. He went forth on the world and borrowed �5 off his boyfriend's godmother for nefarious purposes...
...to be continued when I find the rest of the paper!
I once went to a town in Australia and they were cooking pigs while they were still alive, so I decided that I would go and rescue them...soooooooo...I got together an army of me and my wurzel, called Allan, and we went up to the quealing pigs and said "Excuse me, are you burning?" at which point the pigs didn't reply, they just sizzled and popped a bit. We then ran to the Australians who were watching the pigs. They said teh pigs had started to cook themselves and that they had nothing to do with it. Well, me and Allan were a bit scared at this thought, so we both walked at a brisk pace to the top of a local mountain called Mt. Poppatootoo. we looked down on the birds and saw that they were beautiful.They really were. They could fly above all the troubles in the world and all the hunger and evil. They were free. So then we went to the edge of a cliff and both jumped off on the count of three. We started to fly. It was really great. We were flying high and left all of our prblems behind. Allan was going faster than me however, so I shouted to him to slow down, and when he did, he gave me a very evil look. I cried at that moment and on the ground, it started shaking. We saw all the houses and buildings down there all tumble over The pigs were even thrown away from the fire. This was the least of our worries though; there was also a very big spider flying up ther with us. It was chasing me. I was very scared, but then Allan got out his special bow from under is beard and he shot the spider right in its mouth. The spider fell down a few feet and then just hovered in the air for a while....how strange.