Title:  SOMETHING IMPORTANT

Author: Imagine

Feedback: on list or [email protected]

Webpage: http://www.geocities.com/limagine647

Rating: NC17

Pairing: J/D

Category:  Slash.  Drama. 

Date:   30th March 2006

Status: Complete

Season/Spoilers:  Seven - Orpheus;  Five - Scorched Earth, Meridian

Archive: AlphaGate; Area 52; The Cartouche. Anyone else please ask.

 

Synopsis:   Daniel realises that he'd forgotten what was really important.

 

Notes:  This was written especially for Devra's birthday - cheers, hun!

 

Warnings:  None

 

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SOMETHING IMPORTANT

by Imagine

 

 

Teal'c entered the commissary and as it was particularly early he hadn't expected to see O'Neill yet.  The colonel did tend to arrive ahead of time but on this occasion it looked as if he hadn't left the night before as Jack scrubbed his hand over his face and then through his hair. To Teal'c, O'Neill looked tired and the Jaffa moved gracefully across the room and sat down opposite his friend. 

 

O'Neill looked up surprised; apparently his mind had been elsewhere as he didn't appear to have heard Teal'c's approach, which was unusual.  Jack smiled at his friend, and cocked his head on one side, saying, "You look...serene."  At Teal'c's raised eyebrow, Jack went on, "Well okay, you always look calm, controlled but this time you look...more."

 

"I spent a pleasant evening in the company of DanielJackson.  His words gave me much hope that he is finally back with us, where he belongs."

 

"His words?" Jack asked quietly.

 

"He spoke at length of his feelings after our success in freeing Bra'tac and Ry'ac from the labour camp.  It appears DanielJackson has finally realised he is important to us.  He said that for the first time in his life he felt he was part of something.  Something important."

 

As he spoke, Teal'c watched the smile fade from O'Neill's face and he became very still.  Teal'c waited for some reaction from his commander but there was only silence, a deafening silence.

 

"What is wrong, O'Neill?"

 

The colonel neither spoke nor moved and Teal'c sat calmly, half expecting O'Neill to simply leave, but he sat back in his seat and it looked as if he was going to answer after all.  Instead, the colonel suddenly bolted to his feet and said, "Gotta go."

 

Concerned, Teal'c watched him go.  O'Neill had been troubled ever since DanielJackson’s return to them and it disturbed Teal'c's equilibrium.  He had known for a while that something was wrong between his two friends and he could no longer allow this to continue.  DanielJackson had at last found his balance; it was time to help the colonel find his again and it was no surprise to him that for O'Neill that depended on DanielJackson.  Swiftly Teal'c got to his feet and followed.

 

Jack hadn't gone very far, just to the junction of the next corridor when he heard the footsteps of the Jaffa following.  After seven years in the field with the man Jack knew Teal'c wanted him to know he was there.  If he didn't Jack would never have heard him.  With a sigh, Jack stopped and leaned again the wall.  "What's up?" he asked brusquely.

 

"Colloquially expressed but that was essentially my question to you."

 

~~

 

Daniel leaned back against the wall, listening as the footsteps faded away.  He didn't know whether to be glad or not that he had stumbled upon a conversation he wasn't supposed to have heard.  Daniel had left the storeroom, arms full of supplies and he allowed the door to swing shut slowly behind him.  He had only gone a short distance when he heard voices just around the corner, voices he recognised.  Shifting his load more securely, the archaeologist quickened his step to join his friends, slowing as he plainly heard what was being said, and how.

 

Surprised at the tone of Jack's voice, Daniel was shaken at the hurt his friend felt at what Jack obviously viewed as his exclusion. 

 

Recalling Jack's quietly spoken words, which were more effective because they weren’t what he expected from Jack, Daniel was very troubled.  "I don't know why, T," Jack had said, "why he no longer seems to want...why he feels so much more at ease with Carter and you.  It used to always be me he turned to, he would confide in me, but not any more.  Daniel finally found the answer he was always seeking but he didn't want to share it with me."

 

Daniel knew that Teal'c had spoken to Jack as they stood in the corridor, but he hadn't heard the Jaffa's words, all Daniel could hear was the pain in Jack's voice, a pain he didn't understand but for which he was somehow responsible.

 

As the archaeologist walked back to his office, he considered what he'd heard, what it might mean.  Daniel had certainly never intentionally excluded the colonel, and yet as he thought back over the past weeks since his descension, he realised he had been more at ease in Sam and Teal'c's company.  Daniel knew Jack was his friend, yet he always felt an...an edge whenever he was around Jack and he saw now that he had pushed aside the awkward way that made him feel, pushing Jack aside too.  Like a light coming on Daniel understood that he hadn't wanted to examine too closely why that was.  It certainly wasn't because he didn't like Jack or enjoy his company; the opposite was true in fact.

 

God, he recognised now that he was afraid, afraid that if he relaxed his guard, he could all too easily come to rely on Jack O'Neill.  And the possibility that he might, somehow, sometime lose that anchor terrified Daniel.  But why?

 

Daniel walked slowly into his office, his thoughts in a whirl.  He'd believed his memory was almost intact, but now he knew there were still too many missing pieces.  Teal'c hadn't any need to question Jack's mood, he'd understood, which could only mean one thing; there was some history between him and Jack that Teal'c, and presumably Sam too, were aware of, something he may not consciously remember yet to which he was reacting.  Whatever it was, it was causing Jack emotional pain and Daniel knew without a doubt that he never wanted to hurt his friend. 

 

He froze in the act of sitting in his chair; that feeling was so strong, fervent, it gave Daniel pause for thought.  He dropped into his seat, staring at his dark computer screen seeing not his own reflection but the face of his friend.  He could never consciously hurt Jack so why was he doing whatever it was?  It made no sense.  None of it.  How could he correct his fault if he didn't know he was doing it? 

 

The archaeologist recalled his thoughts about the...the barrier with which he had surrounded himself.  Was that to keep Jack out or to protect himself from Jack?  Was that it?  Something had occurred and Daniel had been hurt somehow and unconsciously he didn't want to risk that happening again.  So now he was subconsciously hurting Jack in return?

 

He knew whatever was between them, it had taken place before he had ascended and it was still lost in the mists of his confused memory.  Daniel needed to know, for both their sakes he needed to know the truth.  It seemed to him whatever it was, if it had been something that Jack had done; the man now thoroughly regretted it and wanted to put the clock back.  That was impossible of course, but there was nothing to say they couldn't accept their past differences and put them behind them.  Was there? 

 

Debating what to do, Daniel knew he needed answers, needed to know what his relationship with Jack had really been like before his ascension, because clearly his memory was selective.  He wanted to know why that was the case too!  It seemed pretty apparent that his subconscious was blocking those memories.

 

He had to know.  Whatever the answer, he had to know the truth.

 

~~

 

For the last few days, ever since he'd inadvertently overheard that conversation in the corridor, Daniel had to recover his memories but other than odd visual flashes he had nothing new.  And, irritatingly, those glimpses he'd had only served to confuse him more.  All he'd remembered were images of Jack with various expressions - many familiar, though a couple had struck an odd chord with him.  One had been a very happy, beaming Jack, looking so relaxed, at peace with himself - an expression he had never seen on Jack's face since his descension.  The other look was the opposite end of the spectrum as he was faced with a Jack whose fury was coming off him in waves, eyes afire and mouth clamped shut as if to keep angry words inside.  Daniel found that both versions of Jack stirred his senses and he had to know what inspired such passion in the man.

 

It was no simple curiosity, it was a burning need to know, and the mystery was gnawing at him.  He had a gut instinct that this was something important. 

 

Of course he couldn't just approach Jack that would be impossible.  Teal'c!  The big guy knew, of that Daniel was sure.  But would he talk? He looked at his watch surprised to see it was after six.  The Jaffa would probably be in his quarters.  So, before he changed his mind, Daniel quickly went to his friend's room and knocked on the door.

 

Teal'c was pleasantly surprised to see Daniel though it was obvious his young friend was agitated and, inviting him to sit, Teal'c asked what the problem was.

 

Smiling at the man's perspicacity, the archaeologist sighed and admitted he was concerned about Jack.  Teal'c raised an eyebrow and he amended, "Concerned about my relationship with him."  Meeting his friend's knowing stare, Daniel continued, "I...err overheard part of your conversation with him in the corridor the other day - I didn't mean to," he hastened to add, "I couldn't help it, and..."

 

"I was aware of your presence," Teal'c said quietly.

 

Daniel looked taken aback, "You were? Of course you were," he smiled ruefully. Teal'c sat quietly regarding him and Daniel chewed his lip in thought.  "I didn't even realise until then how I was treating Jack.  I wasn't aware...I couldn't remember.  Damn it, Teal'c I still can't remember.  I keep getting...glimpses, but not enough to help, to bring any of it into focus."

 

"It troubles you greatly?"

 

"Oh God, yes.  I know I am missing something, something important.  You have to help me, Teal'c.  Help me remember, please."

 

"Doctor Fraiser said it was..."

 

"I know what she said, but I think I've been suppressing those memories and now I can't...grasp them.  It's important to me and..."

 

"You must ask O'Neill," Teal'c said.

 

Frustrated, Daniel dropped his head to his chest, "I can't, Teal'c" he said in a low voice.  "How can I ask him why I'm hurting him?"  Lifting his eyes, holding his friend's steady gaze, he continued.  "Don't you see I need to know what was between us, what he or I did that caused this?  Whatever this is.  How can I address a problem until I know what it is?  Please, Teal'c?"

 

The Jaffa regarded him and Daniel could see he was wavering, he played his final card, "You told me about Sha're," he said softly.

 

"That is true.  It would have been unkind to leave you with a false truth."

 

"Exactly," Daniel agreed excitedly, "and don't you see; I'm living a false truth now.  My relationship with Jack is not as it should be and now I know that, it's hurting me as well as Jack."

 

Teal'c nodded.  "I do see.  I was hoping you would remember but I became concerned that you did not seem to recall how very deep your friendship had been with O'Neill.  I had believed perhaps your inadvertent eavesdropping on our conversation might have acted as a catalyst but apparently not enough of one."

 

Very deep, Teal'c had said.  Their friendship had been very deep.  Daniel felt warmth spreading through him to hear that.  "Tell me, Teal'c, I need to know."

 

~~

 

It was late at night, almost eleven when Daniel arrived outside Jack's place.  He stared at the house, seeing it with new eyes.  He'd been here three or four times since he came back but he'd never alone with Jack, and he understood now how strange, how difficult that must have been for him.  He knew now that in the past he'd spent more time at Jack's place than he had at his own apartment, and most of it alone with Jack. 

 

At first, it had seemed strange listening to Teal'c talk about his relationship with Jack.  How close they'd been, their unique understanding of each other, to the extent they knew what the other was thinking, even finishing one another's sentences at times.  Hearing about it but not feeling it was odd, like it wasn't him they were discussing, it was someone else entirely.  Yet, the more he spoke with Teal'c, gradually Daniel began to recall the times their connection had brought positive results, saving them or their team, or even it seemed at times the world.  Recalling just little things at first; like a shake of Jack's head, a rough grip on his shoulder, a slap on his back, a grin, a bad joke.  Then he remembered the feelings, the joy and the agony of being so close to such a volatile man as Jack O'Neill, yet he knew there was more to their story because nothing Teal'c had told him explained why Daniel would now be attempting to keep Jack at arms' length, on the contrary.

 

Finally, after more pushing, more pleading Teal'c told him that things had begun to deteriorate between them in the months before he ascended.  Teal'c was still reluctant to quote chapter and verse but asked Daniel if he had not read all the mission reports, and frowning Daniel said of course he had. 

 

"But do you remember those incidents or only the sterile reports? Do you remember how you and O'Neill were with each other, how you argued and said things that hurt each other.  Do you remember how many times you apologised to each other, how often he promised he would not behave this way or that way, how often you tried to see things the military way and how hard that was for you?"

 

Daniel had stared at Teal'c and abruptly one of those flashes of Jack's face that had puzzled him so greatly fell into focus.  Jack had been furious with him for disobeying orders, for placing the colonel in the position of pushing the button that would have killed Daniel when he'd gone aboard the Gadmeer ship. The next expression on Jack's face had been remorse, terrible remorse for actually having pressed that button.

 

"Oh God!" Daniel declared, dropping his head into his hands, and then like cascading water it all came rushing back, everything - including the reason for that other haunting image of Jack, the one where he looked so damned happy.

 

Teal'c nodded a slow smile emerging as he said, "Now you understand."  

 

And he did, only too well.  The memories were both joyous and difficult but he knew now what he wanted, and what he had to do.

 

His heart beating fast at what he had to say to the man inside that house, Daniel got out of the car and walked up Jack's driveway.  There was no doubt his friend was still up, the lights were still on downstairs and the archaeologist knew that Jack rarely went to bed before midnight.  Taking a breath, Daniel knocked on the door.

 

After a moment, the door opened and Jack stood there picked out in the light shining behind him.  His hair was tousled and the top couple of buttons of his shirt were undone, Daniel swallowed as he looked at his friend. 

 

Jack was obviously surprised to see Daniel on his doorstep, pleasantly so it seemed for he smiled a welcome for a second, until his expression segued into a frown as he asked, "What'cha doing here so late?" Peering over his guest's shoulder, he added, "Where are the others?"

 

"Others?  Oh, you mean Sam and Teal'c.  They're not here, I'm alone."

 

Jack was puzzled, but decidedly pleased.  Daniel hadn't been to see him on his own since his return, he had always arrived with the others.  Jack had been wondering if Daniel had no wish to visit him unless brought along by his team mates and that thought saddened him.  His pleasure at the unexpected visit faded as Jack came to the conclusion that Daniel arriving at his door so late at night must mean there was trouble, presumably with the other members of their team.

 

"Is something wrong?" Jack queried with concern.

 

"Yes, I need to talk to you," Daniel replied briskly.

 

"Come in.  Who is it, Carter or Teal'c?" Jack asked as he led the way inside.

 

"What?" Daniel asked, confused until he understood Jack's reasoning.  "No, Jack, this has nothing to do with Sam or Teal'c.  This is about you."

 

"Me?" Turning, Jack frowned at him.

 

"Yeah, you." Daniel took a deep breath.  "First I need to apologise."

 

"What? Apologise for what?"  Jack was floundering, he really had no idea what was going on and that was one of the worst things about his relationship with this new Daniel.  Jack had always been able to read the signals that Daniel gave off, signals that no one else even knew he broadcast and now their absence was like nails on a blackboard to Jack.

 

"Treating you so badly.  Admittedly I didn't realise at the time," Daniel said ruefully, "but I feel awful just the same."

 

"Whoa, Daniel, back up there. What exactly are you talking about?"

 

"Yeah, sorry, you're right.  Start at the beginning."  Daniel paced up and down and Jack was getting more and more edgy. 

 

"Daniel!"

 

"Huh?" Daniel turned, "Oh yeah, sorry."  He walked back towards Jack and sat opposite him, on the sofa.  Jack stayed where he was near the fireplace.  "Well, you know I was pretty sure I had all my memories back but something happened a few days ago that made me realise I still have some holes.  That's the thing with amnesia you know, there's no way to know what you don't remember."

 

"A few days ago?" SG1 hadn't been on a mission for a week; Sam had a special project for the Pentagon so the rest of the team were taking the opportunity to catch up on work at the base.  "What happened, Daniel?"  Jack wasn't sure he wanted to know, he was suddenly nervous of exactly what it was that brought his one-time best friend to his house at virtually midnight.

 

"The details don't really matter, it just nudged a memory for me that made me realise there was still much I didn't really remember.  And I needed to.  So, I've been trying to dredge up these particular memories."

 

"I see.  This wouldn't have anything to do with you walking into the commissary yesterday, seeing me pushing the day's special around my plate and promptly walking out again, would it?" Jack asked dryly, realising that hoping Daniel would remember everything was a two-edged sword.

 

"Yes," Daniel smiled.  "As I stood there about to enter, I had this sudden vision of you doing just that after a mission, joking with you about..." Daniel sighed with frustration.

 

"About what?" Jack asked quietly. 

 

"Couldn't damn remember!  And I had to, Jack I just had to."

 

"So why did you walk away?  Why didn't you ask?"

 

Daniel shrugged; he couldn't tell Jack the truth so he prevaricated.  He had already decided not to mention Teal'c's part in this; he didn't think Jack would understand why he would need to talk to Teal'c and not to him.  After all, that was part of the problem.  "I needed to remember for myself, needed to find it inside, you understand?"

 

"Yeah, I guess.  And did you?" Jack asked casually and Daniel knew by the offhand way he said it how very important Daniel's answer was to him.

 

"Yes, I did...eventually.  I remembered why we laughed," Daniel smiled as he said it.  "I also remember why we yelled and screamed at each other.  I remember how we tore at each other when all we wanted was to be happy.  I remember how hard it was keeping our relationship balanced when each new mission tossed something at us to throw one of us off kilter.  I remember how our foundation finally cracked."

 

"Oh, God, Daniel," Jack muttered.  His back was turned now as he braced himself against the mantle, staring down into the fire.

 

Daniel went on relentlessly.  "I kept seeing images of your face, not from since I came back, but from before.  I knew only too well that they were from the past because I never saw the passion, the anger or the joy in your face that those visions showed me.  I remembered where the anger came from first and the agony.  I was sorry for that at the time, I know and I still regret what I put you through, but I also know I would do the same thing again.  And you know that too, don't you?"

 

Jack turned back to face him then, a sad smile on his face as he agreed.  "You did do it again, Daniel, on Kelowna."

 

Staring at him, Daniel abruptly nodded. "As I said, you know me, at this moment maybe better than I know myself."  Jack held his gaze, he looked quite calm but the archaeologist knew him well enough to know that his insides were churning at what was happening this night.  Daniel got to his feet and slowly approached his friend.  "But this much I do know.  I remember the good with the bad.  I was also plagued by another image of you, Jack but this one was so different."

 

Jack was frozen to the spot as Daniel moved closer.  He wanted so much to believe that everything was going to be okay, but then if Daniel really had remembered all of it he would also recall how bad things had become at the end.  It had haunted Jack for over a year that his attitude was the reason Daniel had finally gone with Oma.  Daniel had seen no reason to stay. 

 

Reaching out a tentative hand, Daniel hesitated as he stared into Jack's tempting brown eyes, seeing the hope... and the fear, he smiled a little and let his hand gently cup Jack's cheek.  The older man automatically leaned into the caress.  "You looked so happy, so carefree, totally at ease with yourself.  I had never seen you like that yet I knew it was real, it was you.  But I didn't...I couldn't remember when I'd seen you like that.  I wanted it... I wanted to know what gave you such...such joy."

 

Jack sucked in a breath, oh God, I could tell you, I could show you!  "Daniel..." he whispered.

 

Moving his hand to cover Jack's mouth, "No, let me finish," Daniel said.  Taking a deep breath, he continued, "I know now, it was the same thing that gave me hope, gave me a reason to keep struggling when I thought I had lost everything.  You gave me a place to simply be, somewhere I never had to pretend.  You were my haven and I like to believe that I was yours."

 

"You are mine, you always will be," Jack said hoarsely against the warm pressure of Daniel's fingers.  He wanted so much to kiss them, but he didn't think he had the right, not yet.  "Can you forgive me?" he asked.

 

"Correct me if I'm wrong," Daniel smiled, "but it takes two to argue and we certainly did that.  Can you forgive me?" Jack raised an eyebrow and a grin broke loose.  "Look, we both messed up," Daniel continued, "and I guess that was part of the reason I found it easy to go with Oma.  I still don't remember much at all of what happened when I was ascended but I do know one thing, I'm glad I came home."

 

Suddenly without conscious thought they were in each other's arms, Jack holding on for dear life, as he never thought he would ever have this man in his arms again; he'd come to believe he had finally lost Daniel and he promised himself he would do whatever it took to keep Daniel by his side.  Whatever Daniel wanted he would do. 

 

Their lips met and they devoured each other, hands scrambling at clothes, pulling shirts from trousers to feel skin on skin.  They broke apart panting for breath and just stared at each other, finally accepting they were where they both wanted to be.  The urgency had gone and Jack leaned his forehead against Daniel's and whispered, "It's good to have you back.  I promise I..."

 

"No, don't," Daniel interrupted.  "Don't give me a promise that you might not be able to keep.  In the end, we can only be who we are.  I fell in love with Jack O'Neill, warts and all, a short-tempered colonel who tells bad jokes, a man I trust with my life.  He's not perfect but then, who is?  Not me for sure."

 

"My jokes aren't bad!"  O'Neill feigned wounded pride but Daniel just laughed, leaning back within Jack's arms to look up at his lover, who wouldn't let him get too far away.  "Just kiss me, you fool," Daniel grinned.  Jack didn't need asking twice and he pulled Daniel back towards him, pressing his body as close as he possibly could.  The kiss they shared this time was gentle, probing but no less passionate for that.

 

When he finally released him, Jack asked breezily, "You wanna go to bed?"

 

"Damn, I knew there was something important I needed to do when I came here tonight," replied a laughing Daniel.

 

Soon they were lying naked in Jack's bed, the only illumination coming from outside between the slats of the blinds at the window, the moonlight slicing in to paint dappled stripes on their skin.  Jack traced the shadows on Daniel's chest, stopping to circle his nipples making the younger man moan.  Jack leaned in to capture his lips and Daniel held on tight, revelling in the power of the older man as he forced Daniel’s mouth open to taste every crevice.

 

Rolling them over, Jack's hand was caressing his lover's back as he lay over him, skimming lower and lower until his fingers brushed the crease of his ass and the younger man bucked upwards, trying to push the finger inside him. 

 

"Sorry, not this time.  Wasn't expecting this," Jack murmured, moving his hand to caress his globes instead.  "I've not got any lube, but I can make it good just the same."  As he spoke, Jack rolled Daniel beneath him again and began a slow glide over his lover's body, using the perspiration coating both their bodies to ease his movement, all the while kissing whatever skin he could reach.

 

Lifting Jack's head from his chest to take his mouth in a ravishing kiss, Daniel finally released him, moving down his lover's jaw-line to his neck and onto his shoulders.  Daniel nipped and licked wherever he could reach, all the time lifting his hips in counterpoint to Jack's movements.  Their cocks slipped alongside each other, creating sparks of fire that seemed to leap from one to the other causing both men to gasp at the vibrations roiling through them.  

 

Jack raised his head, staring into his lover's beguiling blue eyes for a moment before leaning down to capture a nipple between his teeth to carefully nibble at the hardening nub, making Daniel moan at the sensation that travelled directly from his nipple to his groin.

 

Smiling, Jack slid his hand between their writhing bodies, grasping their cocks together in one hand.  Gripping them firmly but not too tightly, Jack worked his hand up and down, twisting a little and squeezing as he reached the tips.  Both men were squirming and gasping now, and Daniel had his hands on Jack's shoulders holding him tightly to increase the pressure.

 

Jack's movements faltered as he felt his climax gather low in his belly and Daniel shuddered, a once familiar sign telling Jack his lover was close too.  Just thinking of Daniel again as his lover was such a turn on.

 

"Soon, soon now, love," Jack whispered and Daniel was touched to hear him use the endearment again.

 

Daniel, his head buried against Jack's neck, whimpered and shivered as his orgasm raced through him, "Oh god, I'm...aaaghh..."  His hot semen spread between them, it was all Jack needed to bring him off too and his seed joined that of his lover.  Jack collapsed onto Daniel, both men gasping for breath and as soon as his senses returned Daniel rolled them on to their sides, Jack was heavy.

 

Aware of Daniel rolling him over but still recovering from the after effects of his climax, Jack felt Daniel kissing his neck, murmuring nonsense to him but it made him feel so good.

 

"That was wonderful, Daniel.  You have no idea how much I missed that!  Not just the sex, though that was...I mean the connection, the belonging.  I missed you," he shrugged, as if embarrassed to actually voice it.

 

"Me too," Daniel kissed him.  "Need to get some supplies in though," Daniel added with a feral grin.

 

"Yep, I have something important I want to celebrate tonight," Jack said rolling Daniel to lie over him.

 

"Something important to celebrate?" Daniel queried as he nuzzled his lover's shoulder.

 

"Oh yeah," Jack sighed, "Wanna celebrate the first day of the rest of my life."

 

 

FIN!