I've seen many things
In my years on the unit.
I've watched them come
From all walks of life.
But I was not prepared
For the bitterness that
Cut into my soul like a knife.

What could be called
A "Frequent Flyer" came
Into the trauma bay.
Somewhere along the lines
Communication was broken that day.

I had no way of knowing,
No inkling of what was to come,
Just an eagerness to do my
Job and do it at my best.
I did not know in less than
A heartbeat...
My career would be put to the test.

Under staffed and the patient
In distress, I did what I always do
I started a line and drew his blood,
On that I can attest.

No warnings given,
No reports were in place
No one told me this man
Was HIV+ until I saw the needle
Aiming toward my face.

I was just quick enough to move
But not before he came precariously
Close to sticking my hand...
I saw my kids in my mind's eye
Thought of the man I love
And began to cry as I pushed
Away with a determined "shove".

The man's bitterness and rage
Was terrifying to behold,
The very fact that he did
Not care left me shaken and cold.

I became a nurse to help those
In need...not to face the possibility
Of such an evil deed.
In rage against the illness
That I can understand
Yet I was there to help him,
To soothe with a caring hand.

I became his victim
An experience that
Scared me to death.
And although I was
Extremely fortunate,
My quick reflexes no match
For his... I still lose my breath.

I came so close that day
In essence, I faced my own mortality.
I gave myself to a career,
One I love and respect,
With pride...

On that day, my heart
Filled with fear,
All I could think...
Is this how I end my career?

This happened to me, not once
But twice...
The second time has left me
Feeling like ice.
Another man was bleeding out,
Again the ball was dropped
I was not told he was "positive"
And I stood frozen to the spot!

I have given 14 years to a profession
That I love...
And now I'm faced with
Doubts and fears
Too real to contemplate.