March 22, 2004
Ah, so it was a long March break. I worked alot, roleplayed alot. And for the record my annual March Break Philosophy is "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them". And the reasoning behind this years philosophy is:
I spent the week at James' house and we didn't really fight but we weren't around each other either. He got a job and I guess that's good but i'd like to spend time with him too. Umm... I've officially decided that I like Sonny. but its weird cause he has a kid (Happy birthday Trinity)and I feel bad because he's Eric's best friend. Now Eric is getting all pushy, he want to now where our relationship is going. Well honestly, I don't fucking know.And I like Simon too. But he saw me with Sonny (nothing happened, we were just standing *very* close against the wall) and I think he got pissed off. Well I'm sorry Simon, it wasn't my idea but I'm not complaining either. Simon makes me feel amazing.. like I'm the only person in the room... And that thing he did with his chi was...very cool, almost erotic and he doesn't know it. Sonny makes me feel sexy because he pays so much attention to my body but he has the habit of ignoring me which sucks because I need people to pay attention to me, I need to be the center of attention and I don't think that if I was with Sonny that I would be. I would have to compete with his daughter and with sanction.. at least with Simon, I'd be important, assuming Simon likes me like that. Anyways... Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them...
March 28, 2004
So I roleplayed all weekend again... and once again: "BOYS ARE STUPID....THROW ROCKS AT THEM!!!!!". So I guess Sonny is with Michelle or they're screwing or something which kind of sucks seeing as though I wanted to be doing that... So I'm kinda pissed because no one ever tells me what's going on... apparently Sonny and Michelle are common knowledge, well maybe i'm just fucking stupid or something but i obviously didn't bloody know. And eric doesn't want me to be with Simon because he's supposed to be a jerk or something but he's always been super nice to me... I don't know what i'm supposed to do... I mean if the guy i like doesn't like me and likes to fuck michelle in his sparetime... then shit... and everyone's telling me not to go with Simon but i like him too.. and eric kinda being crazy lately and is driving me nuts...Man, i am sore.. my nervous habit is scratching my chest and today my chest is very pissed off at me,.. see what you guys do to me!? (sorry, its not your fault.. well actually it kinda is but whatever...)SO once again "BOYS ARE STUPID, THROW ROCKS AT THEM". And for the record boys, i will accept all apologies via email and lots of hugs and attention the next time you see me! because we all know i like to be the center of attention...that's it i guess
April 2, 2004
So once again, boys are stupid. And one very specific boy is incredibly stupid today. He decided to yell at me for being bulimic. Well its been going on for 7 years and I've only known him for 2 and he thinks he can change me. And if he even cared about me he would have caught on to it before now. stupid boys. and of course now Sonny is ignoring me... or at least it seems like it. And the other day I waited on the net for eric for hours to chat like he said he would come on. And then I find out the next day that he went out with sonny and got really high and really drunk... boys suck!!!!
April 9, 2004
I haven't ranted lately, been too depressed. My familiar, Bo, died and that's just not cool.. For those of you who don't know what a familiar is... figure it out...I'm a witch, he's my familiar, he's a part of me, he's a part of my power and he was my best friend for 16 years... and now that he's gone, I feel empty.
Besides that, I got a new piercing!!! YAY! Its my industrial! (bar across upper ear)and today it hurts like a bitch... It was fine when I got it done and only today does it start really hurting. I think it just might be a little bit infected. Its really swollen and red but theres no pus or anything, I think I'm going to call Jesse back... Jesse Tierney, great guy, great with piercings and tattoos so if you want one, go to Hardcore Tattoos & Piercings on richmond. And for the record if its infected its my fault because i haven't quite figured out how to clean it yet...Anyways, today is the day of the Cheesefest/Social for sanction (there was no Larp yesterday, boo!) and i'm actually going.. Sonny might be there (i hope so) but he's supposed to come over tomorrow with Trinity but I can't get a hold of him at all... So if he's not there, he's not coming tomorrow because he doesn't know where i live... Anyways, there's the not so daily rant for ya... And remember boys and girls: boys are stupid throw rocks at them!
April 11, 2004
SO I went to the cheesefest and played a mortal with Chimestry, and just happened to also be the Prince of London. Oh yeah, and my character could never die, just kept standing up saying "Hey guys, how's it going?" Besides that, I ate so much.... I feel pretty disgusting and fat today and I still have to eat Easter dinner, I'm soooooo looking forward to that (sarcasm people).. Oh and Sonny decided to ditch me for Michelle and Hamilton because apparently it doesn't matter if I have feelings or not.. or if I want to meet his daughter or not, apparently the fact that I wanted to meet her doesn't mean anything.. So don't worry, my faithful readers (HA!), I'm never going to go out with Sonny, ever, because he obviously doesn't care about me just like everyone else doesn't give a shit about me, why would they???
April 20, 2004
JESUS CHRIST!! Can you tell I'm pissed?? Dave A took Michelle's side, Duffy wants me to go out and I don't want to, Eric is mad at me because I won't go out with him and Sonny is still with Michelle but was telling me that he wants to know me better, etc...And for the record I am never ever going back to sanction because the people there piss me off with their mind games... namely Sonny, not that anyone will miss me so the world can lick me where i crap.... grr....
April 28, 2004
SO today, I feel like dying... I hate myself and why do I always have to fuck everything up? So I guess it isn't really that bad but I feel like shit because of Boulter... any surprise there? no, I suppose not... The good stuff: I'm supposed to go and talk to Jay Sacre but I'm bloody chicken... I did Fear Factor at school and puked twice...I went out with Dave P. yesterday and I think that he didn't have a good time... and it was kinda awkward what with him being Kris' ex and all... Umm... I'm almost failing one of my classes... I have no way of getting enough money for college... I hate myself and want to die... anyone want to try to stop me??? didn't think so....
May 6, 2004
Ha, so again I come to complain, anyone think I was actually dead? Nope, didn't think so. So how's life? It doesn't matter how your life is, this is my fucking site!!!! So I started a new band. We're called "Blame Courtney". No Courtney in particular although we all think Courtney Love killed Kurt Cobain... And Courtney DeBlock turned me down... but no Courtney in particular... HEY wanna get my attention? Write out the lyrics to a song that makes you think of me and give them to me... "There's a club if you'd like to go, you could meet somebody that really loves you. So you go and you stand on your own and you leave on your own and go home and you cry and you want to die... I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does..." That song reminds me of alot of people... So life sucks, life's a bitch and then we die... So let's die already... let's die together you and i...
May 6, 2004 again
So Mark (Duffy) was trying to say that I'm enticing and tempting etc, etc, and I know what he meant but it made me seem like a slut... And for the record, I do not purposely try to make people do things... I am not enticing goddammit... I can't stop thinking about Bo today... my poor kitty, and I don't even believe in heaven so he's kinda just dead... And I was thinking about Richie too.. And he's just some kid that got murdered, you know my best friend for two years but there's nothing after you die so I don't get any closure ever for him... I'm still getting that tattoo for him with Kris.. I think we're gonna do it on the one year anniversary of the day he was killed... one day before his 18th birthday ironic isn't it? SO over and over again I've listened to Silver and Cold by AFI...just makes me think of all the people that decided to kill themselves... Especially Jeff, isn't it fun being the only one knowing that someone killed themself because he didn't think you love him? Stupid fucking Jeff, if he could come back, I'd stay with him forever just so he wouldn't do it again... even if he was one of my best childhood friends.... it would ruin the relationship but I'd stay with him... I promise Jeff, I would....Look at me, I'm going nuts, I'm talking to a dead guy via the internet and promising him stuff that would never happen, as if anyone ever read this fucking thing anyways... my millions and millions of desperate fans... ya right...Man, for anyone who cares, I started cutting myself again, after two years of not doing it, I started again and you better not yell at me because it doesn't help, if anything it makes it worse.... My mom yelled at me, my dad yelled at me, all my siblings yelled at me and all my friends did too even my psychiatrist but here i am doing it again so everyone can lick me where i shit and shove it up their fucking asses.... The world can go to hell, just as long as they leave me the hell alone. Either you're with me or you're against me, which is it??
May 10, 2004
I want to say happy birthday to my sister Tay-Bae, she just turned 2 the other day... And I missed third watch again so if someone could email me what happened it would be much appreciated. And finally Jay Sacre asked me out today, took him bloody long enough but I'm thinking about it...Anyways, not much of a rant today, more like... I'm bored type thing.... later
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