I lay awake at night
Thinking of my pain
There's no way it can get better;
I have nothing left to gain.

Suddenly thoughts of death
Are controlling my every move,
And every battle with my mind
I always seem to lose.

I no longer want to be around
The people that I love.
All that I can think about
Is what's waiting up above.

I cut my arms with razor blades
To dull the pain inside,
But that can only last so long;
I don't want to be alive.

I manage to keep my composure
When people are around.
They wouldn't understand me
So I don't make a sound.

I smile when I have to.
I break down when I don't.
I know I should be strong,
But I also know I won't.

So I make a plan to take some pills.
It shouldn't take too long.
I write out notes to all my friends
To read when I am gone.

I ask my mom to understand
That life is just too hard.
My mind can't fight it anymore;
My heart is far too scarred.

I plan it out perfectly
I even set the date.
I�m pretty sure I�m ready;
I know this is my fate.

My bed is made up neatly
As I take them one by one.
I start to feel a little scared;
I know I�m almost done.

All that I can think about
Is how I�m letting go,
And how much I love my family.
I really hope they know.

My eyes are getting heavy.
My body feels so weak.
Everything inside is numb.
That�s the way it has to be.

I�m glad that Mom�s not here right now
To watch me slowly die,
But still I wish I could say,
"I love you and good-bye."

I give in to the darkness
I slowly slip away.
I hope I go to heaven
Where dark nights turns to day.

I wake up in confusion,
I don�t know where I am.
Is this heaven, or is it hell,
The land of the eternally damned?

There are people all around
Although I can barely see,
I can hear the soothing voices
Of people dear to me.

My family and friends are here
Comforting one another.
I can hardly make out any words
Until I hear my mother.

Each tear she cries feels like a knife
Stabbing at my soul.
I let my pain and suffering
Blind me from my goal.

At one point I was so determined
To make it through the test,
To lead a life of fulfillment
And to do my very best.

But I somehow lost all sight of that.
I hope she can forgive.
I promise not to waste
My second chance to live.

I sit up in my hospital bed
Tears streaming down my cheeks.
My mother rushes over crying
Like she hasn�t seen me in weeks.

I tell her that I�m sorry
For causing her so much strife.
I tell her that I will succeed
In leading a better life.

Together we figured out a way
For me to get some help.
I know now that I can go to her
Instead of doing it myself.

I know that it�s not over yet;
It�s a long road up ahead,
But I appreciate the little things
Because I could be dead.

I�ve learned to live each passing day
As if it were my last.
I look forward to the future
And I�m learning from my past.