Slowly walking down the hallway. Fighting my way through to get to my next class. Another class full of enemies. Full of demons. People pushing others. I do'nt make eye contact. I can't. I mustn't. They're enemies. Nothing but enemies to me. I walk past everyone. No eye contact. Not saying a word. Because they're enemies. No one understands my thoughts so I keep them bottled up. Isolating myself from the world, from my enemies, even from my friends. Always looking down at the ground. If I make eye contact people will look into my eyes and see the truth. All the false pain. All the cutting I've done. All the tears I've kept back. No one knows about my thoughts. No one wants to take the time to understand. So isolating myself is the best way out. Walking down the hallway with nothing on my mind. Maybe a few things. Death. Life. Friends. Cutting. Depression. Guys. All the same topics. Every day. Nothing new. Walkign faster. Looking past everyone. No eye contact. Not talking. Some say hi. But I just walk by and blow them off. Some ask what's wrong. I softly say I'm fine in a voice full of depression. I make myself depressed sometimes. Then I can't get out of it until certain people snap me out of it. Until they brighten the rest of my day. It doesn't take much to cheerp me up, until I isolate myself from the world. Then it's extremely hard. Cut. Hate. Depression. Suicide. Death. All thoughts that cross my mind 24/7. Started cutting and I don't know why. I don't have a reason to. I'm only hurting myself and others. My friends. My friend are my life so I guess I'm hurting my life as well. I'm afraid I'll get caught. So you'd think that I'd stop. I get pleasure from it. When I'm bored then I want to cut. I don't have a problem that makes me want to cut. I just do it for the fun of it. Even though it's not something you would call fun. - I get so mad. I'm full of so much hatred. Sometimes I can't control the anger and I speak my mind to people. Causing them to then hate me. Hate only brings more hate. Just like pain only brings more pain. - Why do I make myself depressed? I guess I want a bad life so depression is a step towards a bad life. I don't really know. I'm obsessed with being depressed. I complain about being depressed, yet I like that feeling at the same time. Weird I know. When I'm not depressed then that feeling of happiness feels really good too. Either way I like the feeling. Depression doesn't lead me to cutting. I just do that on my own. - Suicide is something I've thought about. I don't have a reason to think about it. Like I said. I want a bad life so anything that will create more pain is ok by me. I've wanted to die, but I've never really wanted to do it. Leave everyone behind. I couldn't handle that. - Death. Hm. I think about death a lot. About how people would feel if I left them. How I would feel. If they would cry. I wish they would. I wish they would now. I guess I wish they would. I don't know. Death. When I'm lonely I think of death. If I'm lonely then I isolate myself then people wonder why I think of death and suicide. Hm. I wonder.