Well. We got out early today. I have to go to my game soon. That sucks. I'm so sick of basketball now. I've been really depressed/angry these last few days. It's really pissing me off too. Yesterday I was hyper. Before that I was sad. I think I only got hyper was because I was talking to this girl, Melissa from Kouts who is bisexual. Ha. You can see why now. She likes Shannin. Ha. Man I'm so sick of being alone. "She's so close, yet so far." Ugh I'm so hungry yet I'm not. I'm going into a benge according to my mother. Damn. I just want to eat, eat, eat. GRRshees! I'm cold. So cold. So sad. I need to see a counselor quick. Hilde won't be back until Thursday. What if something ...bad... happens before that? So...alone. So. Afraid. Chills running up and down my spine. Thoughts of suicide crosses through my mind. All the anger drives me insane. I can no longer stand my own internal pain. I'm so bored. I think I'm going to go now. Goodbye, my love. I love her.
I don't want to be another statistic
Some suicidal teen
Who makes a chioce to kill herself
When the world just seems too mean.
She can't go on with life
Or so to her it seems
Reality has fallen short
And so have her many dreams.
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March 10, 2003 @ 8:46pm
I feel really good right now. I'm some what hyper. You know what I just figured out...ok. I'm really sick of basketball now. Except everytime I'm in a bad mood and then go to practice I always come home feeling relaxed. It's a great feeling. Ha. I made 2 points today! WOO! And no fouls either. Go Chelsdog! I don't want to go to bed. Nope nope I don't. I want Melissa to get on. That girl is pretty cool. I like talking to her even though I've only talked to her once. And that was yesterday. But still. I'm going down to IL this weekend. Such fun. Ha. Yeah right. I only want to see Brad, Steve, and Jason. But I have to tell Jason I cut myself and he's going to be very disappointed and really upset with himself. Because the first time I cut myself he was downstairs. Big shocker. He's going to kill me. That's alright. I love him anyways. Ow my eyes hurt. Blah. Foogies. I can't take my pill right now because I just ate and I'm going to bed in the next 30 minutes. Fookers. Fook. Fook. Fook. I'm tired. I want to sleep all night and all day. Then the next night. And the next day. And so on until summer. I can't wait. I just can't wait! WOO! I'm so sick of being cooped up in my house. Be.Lah. Hype. Hype. Hyper! I have anger problems. Maybe I should go to anger management classes. Or get a punching bag. Yeah. A punching bag. Or a puppy. Hehe Ok I'm going to go now and talk to MaryM now. Goodbye, my love. I love her.