Got home from IL this morning. Now I'm talking to Brittany. We're talking about if we think I'm nonstraight or straight. I'm beginning to lean towards being nonstraight. I really wish I had a girlfriend. Girls are so much better than guys. I can fall in love with girls. I can't with guys.

Switched On 9 (2:56:59 PM): i know...when i was w/ a guy he was all...i love you and i lyed to him telling him i loved him w/o realizing it
chelsdog6301989 (2:57:14 PM): yeah i did that too.

Maybe I should tell people I'm straight so they'll leave me alone. So they'll stop talking behind my backs. So many people do it. I hate that they do. When people talk about me I begin to hate myself. Hate how I am and how I'm not. I start to think about death. I then want to kill myself because I'm not what people like. I'm not what I like. I wish I knew what my true sexuality was.

Switched On 9 (2:55:03 PM): well....how do u feel about girls?...i mean would be in a serious relationship with a girl?
chelsdog6301989 (2:55:14 PM): yes.
Switched On 9 (2:55:35 PM): and same for guyz?
chelsdog6301989 (2:55:36 PM): i like being around girls more than guys...when i'm with a guy i'm like...yeah this is umm fun...but when i'm with a girl i'm like wooo
Switched On 9 (2:55:59 PM): hehe....i know wat you mean
chelsdog6301989 (2:56:00 PM): i have no 'real' feelings for guys.
Switched On 9 (2:56:06 PM): same here
chelsdog6301989 (2:56:15 PM): i just can't love them unlike girls.

Girls make me... Smile. Breathe. Laugh. Live. Grin. Cry. Love. Hate. Even though they hurt me...I still love them.

I'm so confused though. Someone save me. Someone help me. Someone. Anyone.

I need you, girl.

sat and cried @ 3:09pm