-11.29.02-
There's only one true thing wrong with me and that is I want my life to be bad. I have such a good life and yet I want to die. Mallory helped me figure out something. What..? I really don't know. She helps me a lot with my life. Why do I want to die? There's not real answer for that. I want to die because I have so much pain. I lie so much. Because I don't have any pain in my life. My life is worth every minute...I don't know what's wrong with me. I want my life to be so bad so I have something to write about in my poems, so I have something to cry about at night, so I have something to talk about when I want people to care. That's all I really want. I want people to tell me they care, but why should I make people be so scared of what might happen to me, just for them to say that I'm a great person and I shouldn't take my life for something stupid. I'm the only 'real' stupid thing in my life. I don't like to except the fact that people do care about me. That people will cry if I cry. That they'll go insane if something ever happened to me. Oh there's another thing I hate about myself. When I tell people I want to die, they tell me all this stuff why I shouldn't. When people tell me they want to die. I just say something stupid like "that's cool". Or if they say I don't love them, I'm like "yeah that's so true". I hate how I act. I wish I could stop, but it's like programmed in me or something unusual. I'm sorry everyone who have talked to me and I acted like I didn't care. Truthfully I do, I would do anything for anyone in this world. *well maybe not anyone, but my friends and family* I'm sorry for making you cry if I ever did. I'm sorry everyone for the way I am...Enough said here-