-11.19.02
I'm so stupid.Sometimes I wish I could die so I wouldn't have to act so idiotic.I will some day,I'll get so pissed off at the world for no reason and I'll kill myself.So everyone should make me laugh-that's the only time I'm not depressed.No second thought,you don't have to do that.I'm not going to make people change their lives just so mine will be perfect.Nah that's just stupid.That's so much like Jason.He says he's going to kill himself,but you have to be nice to him or else he will or he'll kill one of us.UGH!Well there was something last night I was thinking about writing in here,but I can't remember.Oh yeah-I hate how I act in life-you see I tell people I want them to tell me that they care,yet when they do I tell them that they don't.Ok here comes the jealousy part in the update---I hate it when my bestfriends or just really good friends get a boyfriend (even though I have one myself) becaue I always think that they're going to leave me some how all alone and I'll just die or something.yeah yeah I know it sounds stupid,but I've always felt this way.Like Mallory I think she's going back out with Joe.Now probably all we're going to talk about is Joe and I hate that.But I don't hate her for talking to me about it.It's not like I won't talk to people about their boyfriends,but I don't want to.I know she loves him n all,but it's hard to love someone that lives so far away and try to stay with them.UGH why do I have all these strange feelings like this.I guess I just want my friends for myself. god I'm just so selfish aren't I? yeah I suppose I am.UGH there was no point in writing any of this...but Mallory if you read this don't take any of it the wrong way(even if there isn't anything wrong I said in here-I still love you n all but I had to clear my mind)