I was extremely pissed off at the world today. All I wanted to do was die. Especially when I was sitting in Miss Wilson's room with my teammates before our game. Listening to GoodCharlotte I began to think of cutting or killing myself. Getting up, going to the bathroom and cut myself. But the problem is. I've never cut myself before. I would have done it if I was at home. I don't know why I wanted to today, but it was really scaring me. I couldn't understand what I was feeling. All I knew was..suicide..cutting..death. :-/ Where were all these feelings coming from? Why now? Why me? I don't know. It was strange. I was really pissed off when I was sitting there too. I didn't look at anyone. (never do) I just listened to my music. Imagined myself cutting my wrist. I even ran my fingers over my wrist hoping no one saw. If they did, hoping no one knew what I was thinking. Why today? What does this all mean? What went wrong with this awful day? I don't really know what caused all these feelings. Maybe it was from talking to Mary last night about how I hated myself. No. That can't be it Mary helped me out when no one was there. Thank you, Mary, for being such a great friend that is there to listen when I need to express myself. :-) Maybe I felt these feelings because Shannin was gone and I didn't have anyone to talk to most of the day. She is usually the one that cheers me up during class. I look forward to going to my classes hoping to get a few laughs with her. ha. Maybe it was because I'm starting to hate Mallory. I'm sorry if you read this, Mallory, but I just feel this way right now. I don't have a clue why. I think I'm jealous. Nah. What would I be jealous of? I think I'm scared. I'm scared of losing her. Yeah. That's probably it. Weird. It's all so weird. I have so much anger. If I let it loose, people would be dead. I would be dead. If I let it loose, people would get hurt. Then I would hurt myself. Weird. :-/ You try and think one way, then a new feeling of hate pops into your mind.

Please forgive all this pain I have felt today. Please let me move on to another day. Please let me feel happiness once again. Please, oh please, let me stay alive.