-1.18.03- (9:23pm)
I think I really like Joe. I don't want to be in love yet, but I'm starting to fall in love with him. I shouldn't. I don't have a reason to anyways. I just met him. How foolish is it to be in love with someone so soon? Very foolish. I don't know if he likes me though. He might. What do I know? Nothing. He says he'll break my heart. Mallory says to watch out cause he'll break my heart. I don't want that to happen. I've already had my heart broken once by Mallory. I know Joe doesn't care about me being bi cause he went out with Mallory and she was bi, I don't know if she still is. Hm. Tim dumped me for being bi. That is a very stupid reason to break up with someone. Ok back to the subject. I hate how Joe is all the way in Washington and I'm here. It's not like he would go out with me. I don't see why he would. I don't see why anyone would ever want to go out with me. I hate myself so much. I would never go out with myself. ha. :-/ I'm not like other people. Even though people won't go out with them they still say they're pretty and they are worth it. I don't think I'm pretty or anything like that. I seriously hate my appearance. I wish I didn't but I do. I guess some people like my appearance or else they wouldn't like me. This year has been really good for me. I mean like all these guys like me. Such as James(always has),Tim,Kevin. I don't know if Joe does. I don't know if MattF & Kurt ever did. They might have.
I just want to be in love with someone I think. I want someone to love me too. I only ask for a few things in life. I never get them though. I have so many feelings for so many things that they're all screwed up. I don't really know what love is, so when I feel it, how will I know I'm in love? I won't. I wish...I don't know. I'm trying so hard to understand what I'm feeling. It's extremely complicated. Ok let me get this straight...
I like Joe.
But does Joe like me?
ok that was really nothing to get straight. haha I just wanted to feel special and say that. This was pointless. Wait. Joe if you see this. Tell me if you like me or not. I need to know.