Am I fine now? No. Can I stand being alive now? No. I still want to cut at times. The last time I cut was July 5th. I guess you can say that is good. I was addicted. More than some. Less than others. I wanted to cut myself so bad yesterday. I saw this girl, Sam, walk away holding hands with Josh. I've only known her for 3 days and I started to like her. Josh and Sam are going out now. She never knew I liked her. How can I just start liking someone after 3 days? It's stupid. I'm stupid. I began carving into my skin with the tip of a mechanical pencil (the medal part) for awhile. Nothing happened. I just had a red mark there. I couldn't do much because I was in Algebra and people would see. This one girl kept turning towards me and looking at her friend I think. So it would be weird telling her if she asked.

I cried so much last night. I wanted to cut myself so bad but I couldn't. I wasn't allowed. She wouldn't let me. I wanted to die. I didn't want to live. She wouldn't let me die. She won't let me go. I cried. I couldn't stop crying. I told her I loved her because I wanted to let her know incase tomorrow was my last day. I cry over her a lot. It's really weird. I wish we could be together. Relationship wise or frienship wise. I don't know what I would do if we ever stopped being friends. I'd probably become depressed more. Start cutting.