I look down on what I've done. Asking myself what I've become. Finally realizing I'm really hurting others. It took me almost losing an incredible friend to realize everything. I'm sorry I hurt everyone. I now know what I'm doing is wrong. I don't want to lose anything else. I've lost so much over this. I won't let it take over my life. I'm putting my foot down and saying no. I can stop. I know I can and I will. Not only for my friends but for myself. Every cut that I would make would mean I was cutting someone that I loved. Someone that cared about me;someone that loved me as well. How come it took me this long to wake up and see what's in front of me? I caused so much pain to someone that I care about. This thing that I do or shall I say 'used to do' only caused me nothing but more pain and embarassment. I thought it had control over me, but I was wrong. I never lost control. I just let go for a little while. I was holding on with only one hand, praying to God to not let me fall into failure. He didn't rescue me. My friends did. 3 people that mean so much to me. I hope they know who they are. They were tehre giving me advice when everyone else stepped back, not knowing what to do or say. They're the ones that saved me. What if I lost control over this and cut constantly? What if I hit a vein and bled to death? I don't want to leave this world so soon. I know that if I stop nothing bad will happen again. I will stop being afraid. And I'll stop being ashamed of what I've done. Because I'm in control in my life now. Thank you.

(3/1/03)