I did it again. Two marks turning into two scars. This one was painful. Doesn't look as deep as the first one. Just hurt more. I don't know why I did it again. I felt alone. So mad at the world. Nothing went right that day. I prayed for God to take my soul away. I felt depressed. So obsessed with nothing. Cut with at needle. Painful. Screams came from my mouth but nothing was said. Silenced screams. Painful lines on my wrist. They tell me not to cut. Why should I listen to them when they cut too? I know I should stop, but they should too. I'm my own worst enemy. I'm only killing myself. Why am I like that? Why do I push the people that try to help me away? I don't see cutting as being a solution to my problems. I don't even think I have any problems. My life is so perfect. I just want it to be bad. So I'll have a reason to hate life, for wanting to die, for cutting myself. It's really weird. These feelings. I wonder if anyone else feels them. I hope so. I don't want to stay all alone. -Cut. I think I might cut again. Just for the fun of it. I know it's wrong, but I have to. -I think I just want to be noticed. To be something in their lives. I'm not though. Cut. The ones who cut don't cause me to cut. I do it on my own. Count 2. Maybe the numbers will go up. -Maybe. -Promised. I promised someone I wouldn't cut. I cut myself anyways. I'm such a failure. I'm the only one that thinks that. I wonder why?

(2-4-03)