Opinions. I'm full of them. Here are some of my rants on various issues—from the serious to the down right silly. More to come. . . Promise Rings
Superficiality
Capitalism
September 11, 2001Now, correct me if I am wrong, then again, don't, because I am not wrong...but isn't a promise something you vow to do? Something you will follow through on? That is what gets me about promise rings. I know SO many people who get promise rings for their girlfriends, and then, they break up. I understand relationships often do not work out, and even engagements fall through from time to time. But when I ask why they are getting a promise ring rather than an engagement ring, they say something like "I am not ready to think about marriage." Yet, isn't a promise ring a sort of prelude to an engagement ring? Isn't it a promise that eventually you will get engaged, thus, in essence, you have already thought about marriage? I am in no way advocating that teenie-bopper couples should rush out and get engaged, for engagement is also a promise to get married. I just think that people should think through commitments before they make them. Thus, when the time comes that you want to pledge your love for someone, do not buy them a promise ring, buy them an engagement ring, because in all actuality, they mean the same thing. And if they *don't* mean the same thing, then you have no business making the promise in the first place. If you aren't ready to think about marriage, yet still want to pledge your love, buy her a new sweater, a necklace, or a nice houseplant.
Really, promise rings are an invention of the jewelry industry. It is yet another way for them to cash in on young lovers, convincing them that after a year of dating, a promise ring is necessary and even expected. Afterall, if you can't buy the 1/2 carat diamond for engagement, you could at least buy the 1/5 carat promise ring...that is unless you are a cheapskate, or perhaps a poor college student?
So...if you are a young man dating a young woman and you feel the pressure to buy her a promise ring, think of the promise you are making. If you think marriage may be in the future, let her know you love her. Yet don't waste your money on a ring that will only have to be topped by the engagement ring. A ring can never replace the words "I love you."
Shallow, superficial, lack of depth. However you put it, I don't like it. I think there are several levels in which superficiality plagues society-- not only on a secular level but in the church, as well.
First of all, let's look at superficiality as it most often happens. In the dating world, when people are looking for someone-- whether to share a night with or to share their lives with-- there is a serious lack of depth. The most common question is, "Is he/she hot?" I guess it saddens me that people have not yet learned that beauty is only skin deep. I can honestly say that I barely care what someone looks like.
I learned that very valuable lesson in seventh grade. Matt Dobbs was dreamy in my opinion. He was tall, had dark hair, pretty eyes, a nice smile. I thought he was the bees knees. Then, one day, he said something to this effect to me. "You're mom is a prostitute. She probably works the streets." My mom was nothing like that at all, but really that wasn't the point. I didn't feel the need to defend myself or my mother. It was at that moment that he became repulsively ugly to me. I couldn't even stand looking at him, and it carried on throughout high school. Later in life, as well, I have seen the same principle hold true. I have not been initially attracted to someone, and later, because of his shining personality have been extremely attracted.
Yet, while shallow thought plagues the secular world, it also invades the church and Christian society-- or as Kierkegaard calls it, Christendom. Within recent months, I was applying for my minister's license via my local church. During this time, it was brought to my attention that I didn't 'dress as a woman minister should dress.' Basically, what it boils down to, is I choose to wear slacks more often than dresses. Thus, as a result, no license was issued to me. The scripture 'Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart' rings true here. Yet, shouldn't the church, the BODY OF CHRIST, also look at the heart? Several things about this situation deeply disturb me. First of all, I believe the church is applying non-biblical principles to its standards of ministers and really to people in general. If people are recognizing what I wear to church each week, they are also judging others based upon what they are wearing. Yet, they have not yet had an opportunity to express their disdain. Another disheartening thing is that not once did they ask me my testimony, my call, my theology, or my doctrine. THOSE are truly important; what I look like is not. Such a church cannot sing a song like 'Come, come as you are to worship' when they really want to make sure you dress to its standards before you come.
I am sickened by the effects of shallow thinking and superficial actions. Perhaps there wouldn't be as many people struggling with eating disorders if it wasn't about having a perfect body. Perhaps more people would come to church if they didn't feel it was merely a fashion parade. Perhaps, we, in both the secular and Christian sectors of society, need to get out of the shallow pool before we break our necks.
***I wrote this during February of 2001. I don't know if it truly is my complete thoughts on capitalism, but I feel it gives a more holistic outlook on my opinions about the subject.*** Currently, there are more slaves in the world than there has been at any point in history. Yet, we applaud ourselves for the advancements we have made-- how progressive and civilized we are. If you ask me, we are not civilized until all people have the right to freedom. I am not saying that every government will be democratic. I don't even know if that is the best form of government-- but I do believe that everyone deserves basic human rights, and it breaks my heart to think there are people forced into slavery-- many children. I just said I am not sure if democracy is the best form of government. I am not cynical to the "people's choice" if truly, it is the people's choice in the government. But what I see from America is that the rich, white, upper class seem to dominate political interests.
Plus, in the US, democracy means capitalism. And to me, capitalism has become greedy, money-grubbing people trying to hoard enough money for themselves, why ignoring the needs of others. Is it bad that Marx's Communist Manifesto made a lot more sense to me than John Locke's Second Treatise of Government? It is not that I am poor and have a bad taste in my mouth. I am blessed. But I am cynical towards suburbia and the ideals it upholds. I am disheartened by the people I go to school with who are so jaded by their prosperity that they think the world's average is a brand new car and Abercrombie and Fitch in the closet. I am sickened that people are lounging in their ivory towers while people are dying of hunger, being sold into sexual slavery, and are being imprisoned for holding certain beliefs and lifestyles. Jesus touched the poor-- he touched the leper, ate with the prostitute and was blessed by the woman who gave her two coins, which was all she had. But perhaps I should not come down on the rich and insensitive. After all, Jesus ate with tax collectors-- who gained wealth by leaving others poor. Sounds a lot like corporate America, if you ask me.
So what is the solution? How do you cause social change without bringing people down? Maybe it is to love. Loving even those whom I find it hardest to love. The person whose face goes out to me-- who looks me in the eye and causes me to cringe. The person who yells when I want silence. Who crushes me when I am weak, and whom I crush in my strength. And perhaps, it is also doing my part. Helping those whom I can-- even if I can't free a thousand slaves or feed an entire village. Maybe, just maybe, it is meeting the needs of those around me-- tending to their entire being. Through relationships, it might be possible that I can edify people socially, physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. And while that seems so minute to me, perhaps that is the first step to social change.
**Written 9-13-01, two days after terrorists attacked the Pentagon and the World Trade Center** This whole time of tragedy has truly affected me more than I would have ever anticipated. It has me thinking a lot about so many different things, and there is nothing simple about it.
My sentiments vary from that of the typical american. Of this, I am convinced. Let me start by saying that the acts of violence have been truly horrendous. They are TERRIBLE, and among all of my thoughts, not one is denying the horrible nature of this tragedy.
However, like I said, my sentiments are very atypical of your average american. Not once have I felt patriotic during all of this. I don't necessarily feel that my COUNTRY was attacked, nor do I know if it is a time for nationalism. I think we should hurt just as much regardless of who was killed. Also, I think often the United States arrogantly totes itself around like the Mighty USA that is invincible, and somewhere people are laughing that 4 plane crashes nearly brought us down, if even for a day.
The obvious question lately has been, "now what?" A popular consensus is to launch a military attack or to hunt down Osama Bin Laden and kill him. First of all, it is too early to be too sure who has done this. Second of all, as a pacifist and conscientious objector, and most of all a Christian, I never think that violent attacks, whether against nations or individuals, are appropriate. So, now what? Of course I say pray for the victims and their families. That is highly important, but to simply end at that is a cheap answer. It is like we simply want to be detached from everyone's problems. However, Christ presents us with a very radical answer-- "You have heard an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth...but I tell you to love your enemies and pray for those who hate you." Wow...love your enemies...pray for those who HATE you, rather than perpetuating the hate. That is radical. To try to administer justice through violence is believing that our human capabilities can somehow bring resolution. However, to put it into the hands of God through prayer and to love, even when you have been wronged, is showing that we, in our human-ness, are inadequate and that God can bring justice in a completely new way, other than violence.
My prayer:
Heavenly Father. Thank you for the day you have given us. Thank you for being the same God you are today that you were Monday, before the chaos began. May we learn to praise you and give thanks, amidst the tragedy. Please, bring your spirit of comfort to us today. Fill us with your love. Fill us so that we, too, may love with your love. Help us look to your Word, knowing that we can only love our enemies with your help. Give us your peace, and help us pursue peace. Guide our leaders to make the best decisions according to your will. Break through the hatred and pain. Unite us not only as a country, but as a world. Open us up to learn from this and to receive and administer love, grace, mercy and forgiveness. We thank you God for all you do. And it is in the name of your Son who, too, was the victim of hate in violence that we pray this. Amen
