Once-Watched Movies
This page will be for my little trips down memory lane, wherein I reflect on movies I've seen once and probably will never see again. Or in other words: regrets, I've had a few, and most of them have to do with the time wasted seeing these "works of art." Note: IMHO these were all candidates for Mystery Science Theater 3000, but no one ever listens to me.The Exorcist: I saw this movie because my sister insisted on watching it when we were staying together in a hotel room on one of our family trips. My folks refused to let me sleep in the hallway, or get me my own room (some lame excuse about money or something), and have you ever tried to sleep while people are screeching about Satan and levitating and girls with their heads spinning around and vomiting up green pea soup? Anyway, all I remember about the movie (the "scariest film of all time" as I believe many critics said and still are saying) was that the scene where the two priests are trying to de-levitate the possessed girl's bed by doing some sort of litany-chant complete with harmonized gestures looked like a Broadway performance, or one of the dancing scenes from Saturday Night Fever. All the two priests needed was to change from their black cassocks into white polyester suits and they'd have been wowing the crowd at Studio 54. In a way, I guess that was scary.
The Lonely Lady: The Pia Zadora classic. I paid good money to see this. Reagan was in power, we had more money than sense, we were bored, and we were in our twenties: a fertile field to grow mischief in. "Let's go see a bad movie and make fun of it." But you just can't joke about a train wreck with bodies scattered everywhere. Well you can, but not right away. This would have been a Good Bad Movie. It had all the requirements: ludicrous plot involving Young, Sensitive, Naive Screenwriter-Wannabee (Pia), who is nearly destroyed by the Evil Industry; characters right out of Screenwriting Clich�s 101 -- society-enthralled mom, clueless dufous husband, callous studly boyfriend, effeminate gay guy-pal... All ruined by the insistence of Ms. (Mrs.?) Zadora on acting. Watching Pia Zadora act was like experiencing painful, protracted bowel movements after a month-long period of constipation. This movie crushed my soul. It made everything in the universe look a little smaller, meaner, less beautiful. Everyone involved in this "production" should be sent to Siberia.
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Don't worry: there'll be more!Copyright 2001, A.H.