| A chuckle. "Nothing, I guess...just...he's so much older than I am, he sees death everyday and it doesn't bother him. It's like you see one person and I see another. It's kind of...weird. I don't know which is the real him sometimes..." 'Ah, the work/home difference,' I thought. "Well, in our line of work, you have to be two different people...otherwise, you go a little crazy. Both are Grissom; just one for work and one for home but, he's much more emotionally healthy now since you've been cleaning him up," I replied and she nodded. "I see..." Natasha mused outloud. "I just want him happy, Catherine." I took her hand and gave her a real smile. "If you stay with him, you will; it's all he's asked," I said and she blushed slightly, making the stitches on her face seem out of place. "You've changed him, for the better. He eats, goes home, showers..." "There's only a few things I ask for," she chuckled. "Showering is one of them." "Thank God." Warrick appeared next to us, crossing his arms. "Don't tell me the ladies aren't going to dance," he said smiling and I raised a hand. "I was dancing when you were in college, but maybe later," I joked and he put a hand over his heart. "You sting, Cath. What about you, Natasha? Up to it?" The smaller girl finished off her glass without so much as a blink. 'Wow, talk about alcohol tolerance,' I thought and she smiled. "I hope you can keep up; I'm not a slow dancer." A tap caught me on the shoulder and I turned from studying a painting, smiling when I realized it was Natasha. "Hey," I said, touching her arm and she smiled back. "Hi," she replied. "Would you mind if I danced with Warrick for awhile?" I almost laughed. 'Asking permission to dance,' I thought. 'How elementary.' "Knock yourself out," I instructed with a grin and a new song came on, bass beat pumping the small room as I walked out on the patio, night air clean and clear. "Hey, Gris," a voice said behind me and this time, I didn't have to turn. "Sara." Standing next to me, she cradled a drink in her hand. "Nice night," she said, casting a glance back inside. "Natasha has moves." "She's a good dancer," I said quietly, watching Warrick spin her around the room to the delight of the crowd. "I was never good at it." "That's for sure." Silence sat between us and I laced my fingers. 'Sara,' I thought. 'So much still left unsaid...and yet...' "You know, you never gave me a reason," she said suddenly and I blinked. "A reason for what?" I asked. Sara smiled, shaking her head. "Grissom, you're still just as oblivious as ever. 'I don't think we work'? What the hell was that supposed to mean?" 'That I was in love with someone else,' I almost said and I turned, looking her in the eyes. 'Just a tad lighter than Natasha's...do I have a 'thing' for brown eyes?' "I...didn't know how else to put it, Sara. I knew I...couldn't stay with you, not the way we were. You're a powerful woman, bright, intelligent...but not the one for me," I said softly, watching the traffic move on the strip. Leaning over the balcony, she shrugged. "And Natasha isn't all of those things?" she questioned. "Don't get me wrong; Nick and I are happy but...I was left with questions. Questions only you can answer." "She is...just different. What did you want to ask me?" "Did you ever love me, Gil?" I blinked. "I...yes." "You say it like you're unsure." Somehow a snort escaped me. "Sara, do you remember the first time I told you 'I love you'?" I asked and she hesitated. "We had been seeing each other 3 months," she replied. "Three months. In three months I was left to decide whether I loved you or not before I was issued an ultimatum," I said simply. "So I said it. I knew I did but...everything was so rushed..." "Grissom, it's love, not rocket science," Sara said, anger tinting her voice. "Either you do or you don't." I looked at her and saw her expression soften. "Nothing is ever that simple. And that's why...we're not together anymore." Sighing, I casted a glace back in the room. "After working in a CSI role, everything is in black and white. But...what's inside of me isn't sometimes. A part of the soul that you said I didn't have." "Grissom..." Sara started but I shook my head. "I want us to be friends Sara," I continued. "I want you and Natasha to get along, I want you to be happy, I want you and Nick to work because you deserve it, I want...maybe too much. If I was supposed to be with you...I would be. But...it just wasn't meant to be. It's not that you and Natahsa are so different; quite the opposite actually, she's just patient...just enough different that the planets are in line, you know? For once, I can't explain it." All I could hear was the sound of her breathing before she answered. "I want to be friends too, Gris," Sara whispered. "But one day, you just walked out and I..." I almost turned in anger. Almost. 'How many times did I hear 'I need a break, Gris'?' I thought, feeling my pulse increase. "I had lost you," she kept going. "I knew by the look in your eyes that I lost you. Natasha is a...brilliant, strong, intense girl--no woman because she has to be for you to be with her. I just...don't feel so bad to know what I lost to, you know?" I felt my pulse slow down and I turned my head to see Sara's face wet with tears. Just a few but enough to make me feel guilty. Out of impulse, I reached up to brush them off and she backed away. "No, if you...just please," she said, rubbing them off and sniffing. "I hate crying, damnit." "I hate to see you cry," I replied and she looked at me and blinking. "Sara...just because I'm not with you, doesn't mean that I stopped caring about you." Her face broke into a smile and she shook her head, the last of her tears drying. "Soft hearted at last, Grissom?" I gave her a small smile back. "I always was. Truce?" "I'd love to have one," Sara answered and she shook my hand, gesturing back to the room. "Why don't I get to know Natasha a little better..." Next |