| "No, that's not it," Grissom said softly and I stopped, listening. "It's hard to explain. I've never had to outloud...sometimes you have you hurt to feel alive, you know? Colors seem brighter, air seems sweeter, life seems...more vibrant. When Natasha and I come together, it has to hurt, if only for an instant, to make it all seem real, to reaffirm that we're not just dreaming. Pain is a part of everyday life; it's just become a permanent part of ours. Don't get me wrong; I don't need pain to achieve orgasm, it's a kind of co-dependency we have. You can't have too much pain or else the rest of the world will fade away and that's all you'll have left." The two of us sat in comfortable silence as I absorbed what he said. 'Both of them have had lives that range from tragic to just down right odd,' I thought. 'It would figure. But it's not bad. Rough sex never killed anybody.' I was used to Grissom being philosophical but not on sex. Never on sex. Guess you learn something new everyday. "You're really open about all of this," I say finally and I was rewarded with another smile. "Warrick, we've been in the most intimate of situations; there's nothing I can hide from you," he said evenly and I swallowed. 'Here goes nothing...' "Ever think about that night?" "Yes." 'No hesitation, no killer heartbeat pause. Fucking instant answer man,' I swore mentally. 'Lie, do something that isn't so...infuriatingly Grissom!' "How?" Grissom pinned me with a serious look. "Having regrets?" he asked gently and I sat up, shaking my head slowly. "No, no," I replied quickly. "It's just...you have a quality...that pulls people near you even when you push them away." Laughing softly, he sat up, stretching, the muscles moving under his skin and I fought the urge to lick my lips. "People say that about me," he mused, thoughtful. "I wonder why?" "Because it's true." I think the quickness of my answer gave him pause and I smirked inside. 'There, see how it feels?' Grissom arched an eyebrow slowly, tilting his head. "I'm not on the outside of me," he finally said simply. "So I don't know. But I believe you, Warrick." Suddenly I felt the apprehension seep out of my body and I locked eyes with him. "I'm glad...I owe you Gris," I said, standing, spreading my hands. "I owe you a lot..." I hope he understood what I was trying to say. Understood what I couldn't really say outloud. Grissom nodded slowly, his eyes never leaving Warrick's. "You feel...in debt?" he asked and I nodded, stepping closer, not trusting my voice. 'Instinct,' Natasha's voice said inside my head and I saw the shock of electricity go through the blue of Grissom's eyes as he stood, belt buckle jiggling softly. "You're not obligated...for anything." I was standing chest to chest with him, his breath even, eyes calm. "I want to be," I replied, not thinking. I had stopped thinking awhile ago; ever since the first night I submitted under the hands of Grissom and his Russian lover. "Until I do this...I won't feel right, Gris. I-I...can't..." 'I'm drowning and only you can save me...' A smile. "Noble Warrick," he smiled and raised a steady hand to touch my face. 'Just like I remembered,' I thought, closing my eyes. "Do you know what I'm asking, Gil? Do you know what I want to do?" Next |