| I frowned, her comment making me think. "So then can you answer the question?" I asked softly and she opened her eyes, looking at me seriously. "Gil...from the moment I looked at you, I knew there was something special about you," Natasha whispered. "I couldn't explain it. I still can't. But I know this; you WILL NOT be rushed. So I will wait until my heart cannot take it anymore. When it hurts to be with you, to look into your eyes and question what's there. Then I'll say, "Gil, you have to tell me". But until then, I'm here. I'm going to love you; I've tried, the God above knows I have, to stop but I can't. I love the way you smirk when I almost light my hair on fire trying to cook, the way you avenge defeat on the chess board, the way you do everything so methodical. I love it. So like I said, I can't explain it so I've stopped trying. I just know." My half Russian lover would never cry in front of me; shake yes but cry? No. So when I saw tears well up in her eyes, I reached for her cheek, brushing them away as they fell, feeling an ache in my chest I couldn't blame on heartburn or any ham and cheese sandwich. "Natasha..." I said in a whisper that was barely the same volume as hers and she smiled, touching my hand. "It's ok, Gil...it's just...I've never admitted this to anyone but my biggest fear is being alone," she explained. "I've only felt what loneliness is truly like twice in my life; when I found my father's body and I wandered the streets of Berlin, covered in his blood, wondering whether I was going to end up like those children who lived off the scraps people fed to the dogs and flitted through the shadows, no parents, no one to care. The other was when you left...when I sent you away to Sara. I prayed that somehow, I'd get through it, pick up the pieces of what was left and I hadn't prayed in a long time. I just realize...I just realize how lucky I am sometimes and I don't want to push you." I couldn't find words. Suddenly it was as if I was mute, my mind racing. 'Gil, after over a year being with her, you still don't know everything about her,' I told myself and kissed her hand. "Push me Natasha," I pleaded. "Make me open up. I need that extra...umph. You won't be alone again, I promise--I swear that." The sun was beaming, her skin taking on an extra glow as she looked at me, shocked, brown eyes wide. I didn't wait for the words that came inevitably, I just reached over, gathering her in my arms, whispering in her ear like she'd done to me hundreds of times in another language as the world passed around us, oblivious. "I love you, I won't leave, I can't leave. I need you, Natasha. Cry to me, I'm here..." One day, I'll marry her. I know that. Maybe someday soon. Maybe she'll have a PhD like I do by that time. On a day, like this one, when time seems to stop and nothing else matters but the two of us, curled up on a blanket far from the sounds of the strip and human civilization. Sometimes, you don't need to hear, just listen. Back to CSI Fanfiction |