January 07, 2002
Right. Things coming full circle? The end meets the beginning meets the end? Whatever. I can talk to Aaron now. That's good right? I can't have him no matter how hard I try, that's bad right? Aaron reminds me of everything I been surpressing for the past 8-9 months, true? I fall for a guy who acts similar and many people can be the same as Aaron because... he reminded me of Aaron, true? Now back to my hatrid, back to the dark side of me, back to the morbid, the death, the dying and destruction. Back to a world that once was, and will be again. Back to hating everyone and everything without rhyme or reason. Back to hiding it from everyone and making them think life is peachy keen.
Talking to Aaron brought out a lot in me, a lot I thought I was able to get away from and get rid of. Maybe Aaron was the one who brought it back. Maybe Matt was the one who brought it back. Either way it's back and I don't plan on pushing you away like this again. I feel safe and comforted in the hate, in the torture, in the delivery of my personal destruction. I feel calm and collected in the wake of knowing another is out there with my goals and my dreams, of my wishes and my desires.
According to "mom" (Aaron's Mother) I've got the head-tag of $25 000. Not bad, although I am slightly insulted that Bonnie Stewart has $50 000, then again, Matt only has $15 000 on his head. Does all that even itself out? According to Aaron it's due to myself and bonnie both gaining the trust of "mom" and hence both of us being deceptive but Bonnie moreso than me. Go figure. Even when Bonnie didn't know me she still competed with me and wins.
If it's not Bonnie then it's Nousha. Those two girls get to go after anything/everything I ever wanted, and they get it. While I get to hear comments such as "She reminds me so much of you" and "You two act so much alike it's scary!" Right. Someone's put a life-long "You Lose" clause on my head, hence I always lose. No matter what it is, I will lose.
Me and Aaron made a deal. Watch out.