As promised, my first week on the job was spent "learning how to sell." I enjoyed some fine videos from Honda, about how to demonstrate the features and benefits of Honda vehicles. The other new salesmen and myself then went to the showroom, and practiced "selling" cars to one another.

My second day on the job began the series of lectures from the managers of the dealership. I don't remember the exact order, but we enjoyed several fine lessons on the art of the sale, including:

• There is an ass for every seat on our lot.
• Assessing your customer's ability to buy a car, while appearing to just be making conversation.
  You understand this, don't you? The conversation goes like this:
  Salesman: "So, are you from around here?"
  Customer: "Yes, I've lived here for about five years."
  Salesman: "That's great!" (He means it, because a person who doesn't move around much is typically more credit-worthy.) "What do you do?"
  Customer: "I'm a lawyer."
  Salesman: "Wow, that's cool!" (That IS cool - lawyers make good money.) "Like, prosecuting criminals, doing wills & probate, what?"...
  and the conversation continues.
• How to tactfully direct poor people away from the top-of-the line car, and towards the used-car lot.
  You don't want the guy working at Burger King to fall in love with a car too expensive for him - he'll never get a bank to finance it, he'll walk away without buying anything, and you'll have spent a couple of hours of profitless activity. Car people tend to call this jerking off.
• How to make the customer realize that his trade-in isn't the dreamboat it once was, without hurting his or her feelings.
  Two minutes here can earn the dealership thousands more in profit, and make the salesman's commissions increase, too.

Forward: The Good

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