(i know it hurts but try it)
why do ppl drink and take drugs and just make it suck more?
2) Why do you buy cigaretts at a gas station if smoking is prohibited there?
3) Why is it when men talk to women sexually its sexual harassment but when women talk to men like that its $3.95 a minute?
THINK ABOUT THESE THINGS
2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.
3. Stick up for you, but still respect your independence.
4. Give you the remote during the game.
5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.
6. Play with your hair.
7. His hands always find yours.
8. Be cute when he really wants something.
9. Offer you plenty of messages.
10. Dance with you, even though he feels like a dork.
11. Never run out of love.
12. Be funny but know when to be serious.
13. Realize he is being funny when he needs to be serious.
14. Be patient when you take forver to get ready.
15. React cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.
16. Smile a lot.
17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally do, just because he knows it means a lot to you.
18. Appreciate you.
19. Helps others out.
20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.
21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each other's company, even when his friends are watching.
22. Sing, even if he can't.
23. Have a creative sense of humor.
24. Stare at you.
25. Call for no reason.
26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs- Just because he loves you that much.
in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool
wrong religion? each week we make
god madder and madder"
~HOMER SIMPSON
when you start to hear mimes
~QUENTIN CRISP (ENGLISH TEACHER)
~HOMER SIMPSON
What Makes100%?
What does it mean to give MORE than100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.. How about achieving 103%?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
What makes up 100% in life?
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 2526.
Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But, A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And, B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that:
While Hard work and knowledge will get you close,
And, Attitude will get you there,
Bullshit and Ass kissing will put you over the top!!!
steering wheel!)...
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.
Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your licence please?
Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don't have one?
Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the boot if you want to see.
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the boot of your car, please.
The woman opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?
Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, that you stole this car,and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: I bet the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too.
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."