"Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or-or witty...or at all. 

 I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away."

~ Willow

"They'll be expecting you."
"I've got a friend down there. Or at least a potential friend. Do you know what it's like to have

 a friend? (silence) That wasn't supposed to be a stumper."

~ Angel and Buffy

"Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?"

"Maybe because they met her?  Did I say that?"

~ Giles and Willow

"Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then

 lures innocent virgins back to her nest."
"Virgins?  Well, Xander's not a, uh...I mean, he's probably..."
"...gonna die!"

~ Giles, Buffy, and Willow

"So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?"

"Xander!"

"I mean, how'd the laying go?  No, I don't mean that either."

~ Xander and Buffy

"Xander's taken to teasing the less fortunate?"
"Uh-huh."
"And, there's been a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?"
"Yes."
"And, well, otherwise all his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles."
"It's bad, isn't it."

"It's devastating. He's turned into a sixteen-year-old boy. Course, you'll have to kill him."

~ Giles and Buffy

"My diary? You read my diary? That is not okay! A diary is like a person's most private place!

 I... you don't even know what I was writing about! Hunk can mean a  lot of things... bad things...

 and... and when it says that your eyes are penetrating, I meant to write bulging..."
"Buffy..."
"And, A doesn't even stand for Angel for that matter. It... it stands for Achmed, a  charming

 foreign exchange student, so that whole fantasy has nothing to even do with you, at all..."
"Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched her from the closet.

 I didn't read it, I swear."
"Oh! Oh."
~ Buffy and Angel

"It's weird, though.  In his way, I feel like he's still watching me."
"Well, in a way he sort of is... in the way of that he's right over there."
~ Buffy and Willow

"Hey!  I got to hit someone!"

~ Xander

"Oh!  I'm sorry.  Um...your hair, uh..."

"There's something wrong with my hair!?  Oh my God!" (Cordelia quickly leaves)

"Xander was right.  It worked like a charm."

~ Giles and Cordelia

"Personal question?"
"Yeah, shoot."
"When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?"
"Willow, how can you--I mean, that's really bent! She was...grotesque!"
"Still dug her, huh?"
"I'm sick. I need help."
"Don't I know it."

~ Willow and Xander

"People who think their problems are so huge craze me.  Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on

 her bike.  It was the most traumatizing event of my life, and she's trying to make it about her leg! 

 Like my pain meant nothing."

~ Cordelia

"You were looking at my neck."
"What?"
"You were checking out my neck, I saw that."
"No, I wasn't."
"Just keep your distance, pal."
"I wasn't looking at your neck."
"I told you to eat before we left."
~ Xander and Angel

"The other night I dreamt that Xander... Uh, I-it wasn't Xander.  I-in fact it wasn't me.  It was a

 friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it."

~ Willow

"Could you contemplate getting over yourself for a second?  There's no 'us'.  Look Angel, I'm sorry if

 I was supposed to spend the summer mooning over you, but I didn't.  I moved on.  To the living."

~ Buffy

"Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight.  Boy, I wish I knew we were gonna be digging up dead

 people sooner.  I would've cancelled."

"Alright, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?"

~ Cordelia and Xander

"Why are there terrible things always happening to me?"

"Karma!"

~ Cordelia and Xander

"What kind of punch did you make?"

"Uh, lemonade.  I made it fresh and everything."

"How much sugar did you use?"

"Sugar?"

~ Willow and Buffy

"You are strange."

"Girls always tell me that, right before they run away."

~ Ampata and Xander

"Well, you know, I have a choice.  I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other

 girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just get on with my life."
"Good for you."
"Well, I didn't choose yet."
~ Willow and Buffy

"Okay, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key.  Tears will normally get you the double bagger.  You

 can also try the old 'you missed me' routine, but it's risky.  Only go there for chocolate.  Understood?"

~ Xander (RE: Trick-r-treating)

"Do I have anyone on watch here?  It's called security, people.  Are you all asleep?  Or did we finally

 find a restaurant that delivers?"
"I know who you are."
"Yeah, I know who I am too, so what?"

~ Spike and Ford

"I'm not deaf!  I can take a hint!  What's the hint?"

~ Cordelia

"This may sting a little, just at first, but don't worry, that'll go away once the searing pain kicks in."
~ Ethan

"I'm kinda curious to find out what sort of career I can have."
"What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid?  I'd rather live in the dark."
"You're not gonna be young forever."
"Yes, but I'll always be stupid. (silence)  Okay, let's not all rush to disagree."
"You're not stupid."

~ Willow, Xander, Willow, Xander, and Buffy

I'd rather be worm food than look at your pathetic face!"

"Then go!  I'm not stopping you!"

"I bet you wouldn't!  I bet you'd let a girl go off to her doom all by herself!"

"Not just any girl.  You're special."

~ Cordelia and Xander

"Angel's our friend!  Except I don't like him."
~ Xander

"So Mom's like, "Do you think Ted will like this?" and "This is Ted's favorite show," and "Ted's

 teaching me computers," and "Ted said the funniest thing," and I'm like, "That's really great, Mom,"

 and then she said I was being sarcastic, which I was, but I'm sorry if I don't talk about Ted all the

 time."
"So you're gonna talk about something else at some point?"

~ Buffy and Angel

"A little responsibility is all I ask.  Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?"

"Saving the world from vampires?"

"I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head."

~ Joyce and Buffy

"I'm gonna ask you to go out with me tomorrow night, and I'm kinda nervous about it, actually.  It's interesting."
"Oh, well, if it helps at all, I'm gonna say 'yes'."
"Yeah, it helps. It-it creates a comfort zone.  Do you wanna go out with me tomorrow night?"

"Oh! I can't!"

"Well, see, I like that you're unpredictable."

~ Oz and Willow

"Ohhh.  Oh, my God!  I was freaking out!  You just disappeared!"

"What?  I took off."

"But you didn't say anything.  You just left."

"Yeah.  Like I really wanted to stick around after that."

"What?"
"You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo.  Although I guess you proved that last night."

"What are you saying?"

"Let's not make an issue out of it, okay?  In fact, let's not talk about it at all.  It happened."

"I-I don't understand.  Was it m-me?  Was I not good?"

"You were great.  Really.  I thought you were a pro."

"How can you say this to me?"

"Lighten up.  It was a good time.  It doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal."

"It is a big deal!"

"It's what?  Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies?  Come on, Buffy.  It's not

 like I've never been there before."

"Don't touch me."

"I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it."

"Angel!  I love you."

"Love you too.  I'll call you."

~ Buffy and Angelus

"This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team,  The Slayer's a basket

 case... I'd say we've hit rock bottom."
"I have a plan."
"Oh, look, a lower place."
~ Cordelia and Xander

"I knew it!  I knew it!  Well, not 'knew it' in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there

 was something I didn't know.  You two were fighting way too much.  It's not natural!"

"I know it's weird--"

"Weird?  It's against all laws of God and Man!  It's Cordelia!  Remember?  The-the 'We Hate Cordelia'

 club, of which you are the treasurer."

"Look.  I was gonna tell you."

"Gee, what stopped you?  Could it be shame?"

"All right, let's overreact, shall we?"

"But I'm--"

"Willow, we were just kissing.  It doesn't mean that much."

"No.  It just means that you'd rather be with someone you hate than be with me."

~ Willow and Xander

"So, does looking at guns really make girls wanna have sex?  That's scary."

"Yeah, I guess."

"Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?"

"I'm seventeen.  Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex."

~ Cordelia and Xander

"Hi!"

"Oh, that's what I was gonna say."

~ Willow and Oz

"And it, uh, acts on pure instinct.  No conscience.  Predatory and aggressive."
"In other words, your typical male."
"On behalf of my gender, "Hey!"
"Yes, let's not jump to any conclusions."
"I didn't jump!  I took a tiny step, and there conclusions were."

~ Giles, Buffy, Xander, Giles, and Buffy

"Why has everyone gone insane?"
"Insane?  Is it so impossible for you to believe that other women find me attractive?"
"The only way you could get girls to want you would be witchcraft."
"That is such a...well, yeah, okay, good point."

~ Cordelia and Xander

"Hello!  Excuse me, but have you ever heard of knocking?"
"We're supposed to get some books... on Stalin."
"Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?"
"This is a school library, Xander."
"Since when?"

~ Xander, Jonathan, Xander, Giles, and Xander

"Not to be outdone..."
"Homework."
"It's my way of saying get well soon."
"You know, chocolate says that even better."
"I did all your assignments.  All you have to do is sign your name."
"Chocolate means nothing to me."

~ Willow and Buffy

"You're the only one.  The only person I can talk to."

"Gosh, Buff.  That's really pathetic."

"You can't make me disappear just because you say it's over."

"Actually, I can.  In fact... I just want you to be able to have some kind of normal life.  We can

 never have that, don't you see?"

"I don't give a damn about a normal life!  I'm going crazy not seeing you.  I think about you every minute."

"I know.  But it's over.  It has to be!"

"Come back here!  We're not finished!  You don't care anymore, is that it?"

"It doesn't matter, it doesn't matter what I feel."

"Then tell me you don't love me!  Say it!"

"Is that what you need to hear?  Will that help?  I don't.  Now let me go."

"No.  A person doesn't just wake up and stop loving somebody! (she draws gun and points it)  Love

 is forever.  I'm not afraid to use it, I swear!  If I can't be with you..."

"Oh my God!"

"Don't walk away from me, bitch!"  Stop it!  Stop it!  Don't make me!"

"All right.  Just... You know you don't want to do this.  Let's both... Just calm down.  Now give me

 the gun."

"Don't.  Don't do that, damn it!  Don't talk to me like I'm some stupid..." (gun goes off)

"James." (he dies)

(she walks to the music room, raises gun to shoot herself when a hand pushes it back down)  Grace!"

"Don't do this."

"But-but I killed you."

"It was an accident.  It wasn't your fault."

"Oh, it is my fault.  How could I..."

"Shhh... I'm the one who should be sorry, James.  You thought I stopped loving you.  But I never

 did.  I loved you with my last breath.  Shhh... No more tears."

(long pause, music and stuff, back to reality)

"Angel?"

~ Buffy/James and Angelus/Grace (during possession by James and Grace)

"Oh! Oh, my! Now, that, girls, is my kind of..."

"Xander?"

"Xander?!  What the hell are you doing here?"

"Shh!  I'm undercover."

"Not under much."

"Get out of here before someone sees you impersonating a member of the swim team!"

~ Cordelia, Willow, Cordelia, Xander, Buffy, and Cordelia

"Xander has a point."
"You know, just for once I wish you would support me and I realize right now that you were and

 I'm embarrassed, so I'm gonna get back to the point."

~ Cordelia and Xander

"It's a big rock.  Can't wait to tell my friends.  They don't have a rock this big."

~ Spike

"You are the one thing in this dimension that I will miss."

"This is a beautiful moment we're having.  Can we please fight?"

"I didn't come here to fight."

"No?"

"Gosh, I was hoping we could get back together.  What do you think?  Do we have a shot? (look)

 All right.  We'll fight."

~ Angelus and Buffy
 

"Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments.  No one asks

 for their life to change, not really.  But it does.  So what are we, helpless?  Puppets?  No.  The

 big moments are gonna come.  You can't help that.  It's what you do afterwards that counts.

 That's when you find out who you are."

~ Whistler

"Come on, Will.  Look, you don't have a choice here.  You gotta wake up.  I need you, Will.  I

 mean, how am I gonna pass trig, you know?  And who am I gonna call every night... and talk

 about everything we did all day?  You're my best friend.  You've always... I love you."

~ Xander

"I'm a Slayer, not a postal worker.  Cops can't fight demons.  I have to do it."

"Do what?  Buffy, what is happening?"

"Just have another drink."

"Don't you talk to me that way!  You don't get to just dump something like this on me and

 pretend it's nothing!"

"I'm sorry, Mom, but I don't have time for this."

"No!  I am tired of 'I don't have time' or-or 'you wouldn't understand.'  I am your mother, and

 you will make time to explain yourself."

"I told you.  I'm a Vampire Slayer."

"Well, I just don't accept that!"

"Open your eyes, Mom.  What do you think has been going on for the past two years?  The

 fights, the weird occurrences.  How many times have you washed blood out of my clothing,

 and you still haven't figured it out?"
"Well, it stops now!"

"No, it doesn't stop!  It never stops!  Do-do you think I chose to be like this?  Do you have

 any idea how lonely it is, how dangerous?  I would love to be upstairs watching TV or

 gossiping about boys or... God, even studying!  But I have to save the world... again."

"No.  This is insane.  Buffy, you need help."

"I'm not crazy!  What I need is for you to chill.  I have to go!"

"No.  I am not letting you out of this house."

"You can't stop me."

"Oh yes I...  You walk out of this house, don't even think about coming back!"

~ Buffy and Joyce

"So Buffy's going for the big showdown, huh?  I wish we could help, you know, without dying."

~ Cordelia

"Giles!"

"Xander?"

"Can you walk?"

"You're not real."

"Sure, I'm real."

"It's a trick.  They get inside my head, make me see things I want."

"Then why would they make you see me?"

"You're right.  Let's go."

~ Xander and Giles

"Now that's everything, huh?  No weapons... No friends... No hope.  Take all that away, and what's left?"

"Me."

~ Angelus and Buffy
 

"Buffy?  What's going on?  Where are we?  I-I don't remember."

"Angel?"

"You're hurt.  Oh, Buffy... God.  I-I feel like I haven't seen you in months.  Oh, my God,

 everything's so muddled.  I... Oh-oh, Buffy... What's happening?"

"Shhh... Don't worry about it.  I love you."

"I love you."

"Close your eyes."

"Buffy..."

~ Angel and Buffy (*sob* It's the death speech!)

"Go away.  This is my hiding spot."

Where do I hide?"

"You don't hide.  You're bait.  Go act baity."

"What's the plan?"

"The vampire attacks you."

"And then what?"

"The vampire kills you.  We watch, we rejoice."

~ Xander and Cordelia

"I got in a few hours ago, but I wanted to go see my mom first."
"Yes, yes, of course.  How-how did you find her?"
"Well, I pretty much remembered the address."

~ Buffy and Giles

"Unbelieveable. 'Do you like my mask?  Isn't it pretty?'  It raises the dead!  Americans."

~ Giles

"Have you ever noticed, though, when he is mad, but he's too English to say anything, he

 makes that weird cluck-cluck sound with his tongue?"

"Hi, Giles!"

"Oh, hi!  Been there long?"

~ Willow and Buffy (RE: Giles)

"Mmm... sage.  I love that smell.  And marnox root.  You know, a smidge of this mixed with a

 virgin's saliva... does something I know nothing about."

~ Willow

"I mean, this time it's not your boyfriend who's the cold blooded... jelly doughnut?"

~ Willow, as Oz walks in

"Our task now is to determine what sort of killer we are dealing with.  Clearly, we're looking

 for a depraved, sadistic animal."

"Present.  Hey, I may be a cold blooded jelly doughnut, but my timing is impeccable."

~ Giles and Oz

"Why wouldn't you go?  You already have your tickets.  I mean, unless you don't have a

 da... ay... or two, to think about it.  We should all think about it."
"What's going on here?  Did Scott not ask her to the Homecoming Dance yet?"
"Thanks, Cordelia.  Humiliation's really good for my color."
"I assumed that you would think it was corny or something.  But I'm in, I mean, you know, if

 you are, if you want to."
"Sure.  I do, you know, if you want to."
"Well, I do if you want to."
"The judges will accept that as a yes."

~ Willow, Cordelia, Buffy, Scott, Buffy, Scott, and Oz

"We have to find Buffy.  Something terrible's happened.  Just kidding.  Thought I'd give you a

 scare.  Are those finger sandwiches?"

~ Giles

"I don't get this.  The candy's supposed to make you feel all immature and stuff, but I've had

 a ton and I don't feel any diff... Never mind."

~ Xander

"Kiss rocks? Why would anyone want to... Oh, wait, I get it."

~ Willow

"The fact is, there is talk in the Council that you have become a bit too... American."

"Me?"
"Him?"

~ Gwendolyn Post, Giles, and Buffy

"Interesting lady.  Can we kill her?"

"I think the Council might frown upon that."

~ Buffy and Giles

"This is a nightmare.  This is... My world is spinning."

'It's not that bad, Willow, really."

"740?  Verbal?!  I'm-I'm pathetic!  Illiterate!  I'm Cletus, the slack-jawed yokel."

"That's right.  And the fact that your 740 verbal closely resembles my combined scores in no way

 compromises your position as the village idiot."

~ Willow and Xander

"No luck reaching Cordelia?"

"I've left a few messages. Sixty... Seventy... But you know what really bugs me?  Okay, we

 kissed.  It was a mistake.  But I know that was positively the last time we were ever gonna kiss."

"Darn tootin'!"

"And they burst in, rescuing us, without even knocking?  I mean, this is really all their fault."

"Your logic does not resemble our Earth logic."

"Mine is much more advanced."

~ Buffy, Xander, Willow, Xander, Buffy, and Xander

"Oz, wait.  Please?  What I did... when I think that I hurt you..."

"Yeah.  You said all this stuff already."

"Right, but... I wanna make it up to you.  I mean, if you let me, I wanna try."

"Just... You can leave me alone.  I need to figure things out."

"But maybe if we talk about it, we could..."

"Look...I'm sorry this is hard for you.  But I told you what I need.  So I can't help feeling like

 the reason you want to talk is so you can feel better about yourself.  That's not my problem."

~ Willow and Oz

"I'm sorry to bother you."
"Sorry.  Coming from you, that phrase strikes me as rather funny.  Sorry to bother me."
"I need your help."
"And the funny keeps on coming."

~ Angel and Giles

"You have to stay away from me."
"You came to see me to tell me that I can't see you?"
~ Angel and Buffy

"You have no idea what you're dealing with."

"Let me guess.  Is it... evil?"

~ Jenny and Buffy (though she's not really Jenny)

"Hey.  Is Willow around?"

"How can I convince you people that it's over?  You assume because I'm here, she's here, that I

 somehow mysteriously know where she is."

"Those her books?"

"Yeah.  She's in the bathroom."

~ Buffy and Xander

"Session interrupted?  Who said you could interrupt, you stupid, useless fad!  No, I said fad.  And

 I'll say it again."

~ Giles, talking to a computer

"I came over here to tell Buffy to stop this craziness, and found you all unconscious-- again.

 How many times have you been knocked out anyway?  I swear, one of these times, you're

 going to wake up in a coma."
"Wake up in a...?  Oh, never mind.  We need to save Buffy from Hansel and Gretel."
"Now, let's be clear.  The brain damage happened before I hit you."

~ Cordelia and Giles

"Um, actually, I-I do have a thing."

"Oh, a thing.  A date?"

"Nice attempt at casual.  Actually, I do have a date.  Older man.  Very handsome.  He likes it

 when I call him 'Daddy'."

"Your father.  It is your father, right?"

~ Buffy and Angel

"Wow, that was funny looking. Could you do it again?"
"I'll kill you for that."
"For that? What were you trying to kill me for before?"

~ Buffy and Vampire

"I saw you before you became the Slayer."
"What?"
"I watched you, and I saw you called.  It was a bright afternoon out in front of your school. You

 walked down the steps... and-and I loved you."
"Why?"
"'Cause I could see your heart.  You held it before you for everyone to see.  And I worried that it

 would be bruised or torn.  And more than anything in my life I wanted to keep it safe... to warm

 it with my own."
"That's beautiful.  Or taken literally, incredibly gross."
"I was just thinking that, too."

~Angel and Buffy

"Ice is cool.  It's water, and it's not."

~ Oz

"Give you a hand with that, little lady?"

"You're loving this far too much."

"Admit it, sometimes you just need a big, strong man.  Uh, Will, give me a hand with that?"

~ Xander and Buffy

"But... It's just that it's bugging me, this 'cool' thing.  I mean, what is it?  How do you get it?

 Who doesn't have it?  And who decides who doesn't have it?  What is the essence of cool?"

"Not sure."

"I mean, you yourself, Oz, are considered more or less cool.  Why is that?"

"Am I?"

"Is it about the talking?  You know, the way you tend to express yourself in short, noncommittal phrases?"

"Could be."

"I know!  You're in a band!  That's like a business-class ticket to cool with complementary mojo

 after takeoff!  I gotta learn an instrument.  Is it hard to play guitar?"
"Not the way I play it."

"Okay, but on the other hand: eighth grade.  I'm taking the flugelhorn and getting zero trim.

 So the whole instrument thing could be a mislead.  But you need a thing, one thing nobody

 else has.  What do I have?"

"An exciting new obsession.  Which I feel makes you very special."

~ Xander and Oz

"So, what, you're telling me never?!"

"Faith!  Really, now is not the time!"

"I'm curious!  Never ever?!  Come on, really.  All this time, and not even once?"

"How many times do I have to say it?  I have never... done it... with Xander!"

~ Faith and Buffy

"New Watcher?"
"New Watcher."

"Wesley Wyndam-Pryce.  It's very nice to meet you."

"Is he evil?"

"Evil?"
"The last one was evil."

~ Buffy, Giles, Wesley, Buffy, Wesley, and Buffy

"I didn't get this job because of my looks."

"I really, really believe that."

~ Wesley and Buffy

Remember the three key words for any Slayer: preparation... preparation... preparation."

"That's one word three times."

~ Wesley and Buffy

"Stay calm, Mr. Giles.  We have to stay calm."
"Well, thank God you're here.  I was planning to panic."

~ Wesley and Giles

"Do you think he was going to betray me? Oh, now, that's a horrible thought. And now he's

 dead, I'll never have the chance to scold him."

~ Mayor Wilkins

"Buffy, I... I just... Something's happened that... Willow's dead.  Hey, Willow.  Wait a second."

"We're right there with you, buddy."

~ Angel and Xander

"It's horrible!  That's me as a vampire?  I'm so evil and... skanky.  And I think I'm kinda gay."

"Willow, just remember, a vampire's personality has nothing to do with the person it was."

"Well, actually... That's a good point."

~ Willow, Buffy, and Angel (RE: Evil Willow)

"Demons after money.  Whatever happened to the still beating heart of a virgin?  No one has

 any standards anymore."

~ Giles

"Got the address.  I beat it out of Willy the snitch personally."

"You beat up Willy?"

"Sure!  Well, actually, let's just say I applied some pressure.  Or more accurately, that I asked

 politely, and then, uh, okay, I bribed him."

"How much?"

"Twenty-eight bucks.  Does the Council reimburse for that kind of stuff?"

"Did you get a receipt?"

"Damn!"

~Xander, Buffy, Xander, Buffy, Xander, Giles, and Xander

"Sorry."

"It's okay.  I didn't see you, so I should have known you were there."

~ Angel and Buffy

"A lot of things that seem strong, and good, and powerful -- they can be painful."

"Like, say, immortality?"

"Exactly.  I'm dying to get rid of that."

"Funny."

"I'm a funny guy."

~ Angel and Buffy

'I am my thoughts. If they exist in her, Buffy contains everything that is me and she becomes me.

 I cease to exist.'  "Hmm..."

~ Oz

'What am I gonna do?  I think about sex all the time.  Sex. Help!  4 times 5 is 30.  5 times 6 is 32.

 Naked girls.  Naked women.  Naked Buffy.  Oh, stop me!'

"God Xander, is that all you think about?"

"Actually... Bye!"

~ Xander and Buffy (this color = thoughts)

"There, you look better already."
"Thanks mom."

"I'm uh, I'm just going to get you another pillow."

"I really don't need one."
"But you need another blanket."

"Uh, mom, I'm fine."

"How about, some soup? Chicken and stars."
"Mom, please, just come sit with me."

"I've uh, I've got laundry."

"Why are you...? You had sex with Giles?!"
*gasps*

"YOU HAD SEX WITH GILES?!"

"It was the candy!  We were teenagers!"
"On the hood of a police car?!?"

"I'll be downstairs. You feel better."

"TWICE!!!!"

~ Joyce and Buffy

"Feel up to some training?"
"Sure.  We can work out after school.  You know, if you're not too busy having sex with my MOTHER!"

*he walks into a tree*
~ Giles and Buffy

"You know, you can laugh, but I have witnessed a millennium of treachery and oppression

 from the males of the species. And I have nothing but contempt for the whole libidinous lot

 of them."
"Then why are you talking to me?"
"I don't have a date for the prom."
"Well, gosh. I wonder why not? It couldn't have anything to do with your sales pitch."
"Men are evil. Will you go with me?"
"One of us is very confused, and I honestly don't know which."
~ Anya and Xander

"I'm sorry. Buffy... you know how much I love you. It kills me to say this."
"Then don't. Who are you to tell me what's right for me? You think I haven't thought about this."
"Have you? Rationally?"
"No. Of course not. I'm just some swooning little school girl, right?"
"I'm trying to do what's right here. I'm trying to think with my head instead of my heart."
"Heart? You have a heart? It isn't even beating."
"Don't."
"Don't what? Don't love you? I'm sorry. You know what? I didn't know that I got a choice in that.

 I'm never gonna change. I can't change. I want my life to be with you."
"I don't."
"You don't want to be with me? I can't believe you're breaking up with me."
"It doesn't mean that I don't..."
"How am I supposed to stay away from you?"
"I'm leaving."
~ Angel and Buffy

"Are you mad at me for being around too much or for not being around enough?"
"Duh. Yes!"
~ Angel and Buffy

"When I think that something could happen to you, it feels bad inside, like I might vomit."
"Welcome to the world of romance."
"It's horrible. No wonder I used to get so much work."
Well, I'm sorry I give you barfy feelings."
"Come with me."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"I got friends on the line."
"So?"
"That humanity thing's still a work in progess, isn't it?"
"Are you really going to be that much help to them? I mean, you'll probably just get in the way."
"Your stock is plummeting here, sweetheart."
"Fine! You know what? I hope you die." (Xander walks off) "Aren't we gonna kiss?"
~ Anya and Xander

"I was just thinking about the life of a pumpkin.  Grow up in the sun... happily entwined with

 others, then someone comes along, cuts you open and... rips your guts out."

~ Buffy

"This is Gachnar?"
"Big overture.  Little show."

"I am the dark lord of nightmares!  The bringer of terror!  Tremble before me!  Fear me!"

"He-he's so cute!"

"Tremble!"

"Who's a little fear demon?  Come on!  Who's a little fear demon!"

"Don't taunt the fear demon."

"Why, can he hurt me?"

"No, it's just... tacky."

~ Buffy, Xander, Gachnar, Willow, Gachnar, Xander, Giles, Xander, and Giles

"Willow, I'm here to protect Buffy.  I don't have a whole lot of time for personal stuff."

"Right.  Well, how can I help?

"Well, if you can just tell me... Who's that guy? (RE: Riley)

~ Angel and Willow

"I guess we should talk."

"I guess we should. (prolonged silence) Somebody should speak before one of us graduates."

~ Riley and Buffy

"How'd you get in?"

"Talk later.  Stealthy escape now."

"Buffy... I leave now, I can't ever come back. (pause) I just wanted to hear that out loud."

~ Riley and Buffy

"Are they gonna cut the body open?"

"Oh my God!  Would you just... stop talking?  Just... shut your mouth.  Please."

"What am I doing?"

"How can you act like that?"

"Am I supposed to be changing my clothes a lot?  Is that the helpful thing to do?"

"Guys..."

"The way you behave--"

"Nobody will tell me."

"Because it's not okay for you to be asking these things!"

"But I don't understand!  I don't understand how this all happens.  How we go through this.  I

 mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't

 get back in it and not be dead anymore.  It's stupid.  It's mortal and stupid.  And-and Xander's

 crying and not talking, and-and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well, Joyce will never

 have any more fruit punch ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever,

 and no one will explain to me why."

~ Anya, Willow, Anya, Willow, Anya, Xander, Willow, Anya, Willow and Anya

"Angel's lame.  His hair grows straight up, and he's bloody stupid."

~ Buffybot

"Oh my God."

"And so say all of us."

"Say, look at you.  You look just like me!  We're very pretty."

"Two of them!"

"Hey, I know this!  They're both Buffy!"

"No, she's a robot.  She acts just like that girlfriend-bot that Warren guy made.  You guys

 couldn't tell me apart from a robot?"

~ Buffy, Xander, Buffybot, Willow, Xander, and Buffy

"Hey, what's going on?"

"Help me!  Call the police!"

"Get outta here, girl."

"You guys having a fight?  'Cause, you know, fighting's not cool."

"Get out of here!"

"No.  No, she wants to stay.  I don't mind a little appetizer."

"Have you ever heard the expression, 'biting off more than you can chew'?  Okay.  Um... how

 about the expression, 'vampire slayer'?"

"What the hell you talking about?"

"Wow.  Never heard that one.  Okay.  How about, 'Oh God, my leg, my leg'?"

"Oh God!  My leg!  Uhh..."

"See?  Now we're communicating. (after fight)  Wow.  Been a long while since I met one who

 didn't know me. (to kid) You should get home."

"H-how'd you do that?"

"It's what I do."

"But you're... you're just a girl."

"That's what I keep saying."

~ Buffy, Kid, Vampire, Buffy, Kid, Vamp, Buffy, Vamp, Buffy, Kid, and Buffy

"Dawn, listen to me.  Listen.  I love you.  I will always love you.  But this is the work that I have

 to do.  Tell Giles... tell Giles I figured it out.  And... and I'm okay.  And give my love to my friends.

 You have to take care of them now.  You have to take care of each other.  You have to be

 strong.  Dawn, the hardest thing in this world is to live in it.  Be brave.  Live... for me."
~ Buffy

"You know, if we want her to be exactly..."
"She'll never be exactly."
"I know."
"The only really real Buffy is really Buffy."
"And she's gone."
"'If we want her to be exactly she'll never be exactly I know the only really real Buffy is really Buffy

 and she's gone' who?"
~ Xander, Spike, Xander, Tara, Giles, and Buffybot (RE: Buffybot)

"You found the last known urn of Osiris on eBay?"
"Yeah, from this desert gnome in Cairo. He drove a really hard bargain, but I finally got him to throw

 in a limited edition Backstreet Boys lunchbox for (Xander coughs) ...a friend."
~ Tara and Anya

"Um, we, uh, brought you some lovely parting gifts.  It's American.  Get it?  Apple pie?  To remind

 you of all the good food you won't be eating."

"A-and a monster, sort of a Sunnydale souvenir we thought.  Grr!  Argh!"

"Thank you."

"And I wanted to buy you a can of Old English 800, 'cause, you know, England, and you, and...

 because at the time it sounded really funny.  But the guy who lives in the box in front of the store,

 he, uh, wouldn't buy it for us."

~ Anya, Tara, Giles, and Xander

"Okay, this is really starting to grate my cheese.  These woods aren't that big.  Now, I know we've

 been going straight because I've been following the North Star."

"Xander.  That's not the North Star.  It's an airplane."

"Nah, that's not an airplane, it's definitely... a blimp!  But I can see how one... could make that

 airplane mistake."

"I-I can't walk any more.  I need to rest."

"It can't be much further."

"You said that an hour ago.  I just... that spell took a lot out of me."

"As for example, snakes?  How come you didn't tell us how much-"

"No.  Not now."

"What were we into back there, Will?"

"It doesn't matter anyway."

"Do not get all avoidy on me."

"I'm not avoidy, I just.. we have bigger problems.  Demons?"

"Demons!  Ah.  There's something you don't see every day.  Unless you're us.

"Yeah, and now we're lost, so can we-  What's that?"

"See?  Avoidy."

"Over there, that-that light."

"That one moving towards us?  Incredibly fast?"

"Hello?"

"'Hello'?  We're being hunted, and you're hello-ing a strange fast-moving light in the dark?  It could

 be anything.  It's a motorcycle headlight."

"No, too small."

"Stay behind me."

"Xander, I don't-"

"Stay down.  I'll take care of this."

"Xander, it's-"

"A bug!  A big fiery bug!"

"Xander-"

"Get off!  Do fireflies bite?  No, they probably burn, don't they?  They- yaa!"

"Xander, it's not a bug.  It's Tara.  Come on."

"And how long have you known that your girlfriend's Tinkerbell?"

~ Xander and Willow

"Ah.  So you got a witch in the mix."

"More than one."

"I happen to be a very powerful man-witch myself.  Or... male... Is it a warlock? ... Warlock."

~ Razor, Tara, and Xander

"Dawn.  You're my sister Dawn. (pause) Where did I go?"

"What?"

"Where did I go?  I was here.  Here.  But then I ran away."

"I-I don't..."

"No.  Not me.  The other Buffy."

(shock)

"Yes.  The other Buffy."

"Buffy?"

"I don't... I don't...  know where she ran off to.  Maybe--"

~ Buffybot and Dawn
 

"You're a vampire!"

"How can you say...I, me, a vampire?  No."

"Check the lumpies.  And the teeth.  I kill your kind."

"And I bite yours.  So how come I don't wanna bite you?  And why am I fightin' other vampires?  I

 must be a noble vampire.  A good guy.  On a mission of redemption.  I help the hopeless.  I'm a

 vampire with a soul."

"A vampire with a soul?  Oh my God, how lame is that?"

~ Buffy and Spike

"Got some, uh... big stories to tell you too.  If we ever get half a second."

"Did you die?"

"No."

"I'm gonna win."

~ Riley and Buffy

They were supposed to be my light at the end of the tunnel. Guess they were a train."
~ Buffy

 'Kick his ass.'"

"Well...at least you could tell me you're glad to see me."

*she kisses him*

~ Angel and Buffy

"Is it Spike? You're not telling me something. And... his scent. I remember it pretty well."
"You vampires... did anybody ever tell you that the whole smelling everybody thing is a little gross?"
"Is he your boyfriend?"
"Is that your business?"
"Are you in love with him? Okay, maybe I'm outta line, but this is kind of a curveball for me. We are

 talking about Spike here."
"It's different. He's different. He has a soul now."
"Oh. Well."
"What?"
"No, that's great. Everyone's got a soul now."
"He'll make a difference."
"You know, I started it. The whole having a soul. Before it was all the cool new thing--"
"Oh my God, are you twelve?"
"I'm gettin' the brush off for Captain Peroxide, it doesn't necessarily bring out the champion in me."
"You're not getting the brush off! Are you gonna come by and get all Dawson on me every time I

 have a boyfriend?"
"AHA! Boyfriend!"
"He's not. But... he is in my heart."
"That'll end well."
"What was the highlight of our relationship? When you broke up with me or when I killed you?

 I'm well aware of my stellar history with guys, and no, I don't see fat grandchildren in the offing with

 Spike, but I don't think that really matters right now."
~ Angel and Buffy

"Ow!"

"Dumbass."

"Don't look at me.  This is a Summers thing, it's all very violent."

"You get killed I'm telling."

~ Buffy, Dawn, Xander, and Buffy

"Come on, let's go assemble the cannon fodder."

"That's not what we call them!"

"Well, not to their faces. What am I? Insensitive?"

~ Anya and Xander (RE: the Potentials)

"I'm drowning in footwear!"
~ Spike

"So that leaves me and the dungeon master in the north hall."
"We will defend it with our very lives."
"Yes, we will defend it with his very life."
"Don't be afraid to use him as a human shield."
"Good, yes, thanks."
~ Anya, Andrew, Anya, Xander, and Anya

"I love you."

"No you don't. But thanks for saying it."

~ Buffy and Spike

"She died saving my life."

"That's my girl. Always doing the stupid thing."

~ Andrew and Xander