What's not to like?
A Missing scene from Gillian
(Starsky's POV)
It's
I can still hear what you
said to me. "You never did like her! You never could understand her!"
I told you that it wasn't true, but now I have to wonder. What was it about
Gillian that just set my teeth on edge the minute we met? From the top of that
gorgeous blonde head to the soles of those designer shoes, what was it that
told me that something just wasn't right? I don't know. Maybe I've been a cop
too long. I see perps and scumbags behind every tree. I guess I've gotten
cynical. On the surface, Gillian was a class act. Even her name was beautiful.
So, what's not to like?
Oh, Hell, I don't know what
I think any more. I'm confusing what I know now with what I knew then. But deep
inside, I have to wonder if you suspected Gillian wasn't what she pretended to
be, too. I mean, how long were you two going out? It had to be almost a month.
So why did it take so long for us to meet? You talked about her all the time
and I could hear the pride in your voice. I know I'm not your keeper, but I'm
your best friend, right? Were you afraid that if I met her, I'd see something
in her that you didn't want to admit was there? Is that why you kept us apart
for so long? Then, when we finally did meet, we didn't even pick her up. We met
at the bowling alley. I gotta admit she made one Hell of an entrance when she
came down the steps, but doesn't a guy usually pick his date up at her place?
You told me that she was a writer, that she had deadlines to meet, but that
doesn't tell me why we couldn't swing by and pick her up. That whole night, I
had the feeling she was keeping her distance. I told myself that it was because
she knew how tight we were, and she just felt uncomfortable. Still, I got the
feeling she was holding something back. I just didn't know that "something"
was a time bomb that would eventually explode.
When I saw her in that back
room at Grossman's, I wanted to cry. I saw the way she was flirting with that
John, heard the way she laughed as she undressed him. To tell you the truth, it
made my skin crawl. How was I going to tell my partner, the best friend I ever
had, that his girlfriend was a whore? Because, you see, to me she wasn't any
different from those girls on the street that we see every night. Yeah, she was
in a fancy parlor, and that guy was probably some big shot executive or
something, but she was still selling her body for money. In that instant, that
one little glimpse, I knew she was nowhere good enough for you. That truth just
about broke my heart, because I knew it would break yours when you found out.
Ah man, maybe you're right.
I never did understand her. Why would a woman as classy as Gillian sell herself?
Was her uptown apartment, fancy clothes and new car that important to her? And
how in the world did she think she could get away with not telling you the
truth? I know how some people try to leave their jobs at the door when they go
home, but come on! She wasn't a doctor, a lawyer, a fireman, or even a cop. How
could she keep her job in a neat little compartment when that job meant
slipping between the sheets with strangers? She knew you were a cop from the
minute you met. How did she think she could keep that from you? We bust hookers, for Christ's sake! Didn't
she realize you'd find out some day? Did she even think that far along? I don't
know.
When I went over to her
apartment, all I wanted to do was get her as far away from you as possible. I
thought if money was that important to her, I could bribe her into leaving town
before you found out the truth. You gave me Hell when I told you about that,
but I won't apologize for what I did. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I knew if
she left, it would hurt you, but look what you're going through now. Having her
walk out on you would have been a lot easier than finding her dead.
I did my best, Hutch. As
soon as Huggy called, I tore out the door and burned rubber over to her place.
I think I clipped a couple of cars and got more than a few one-fingered salutes
on the way, but I was just too late. She was already dead. I don't really
remember what I said when I called it in. I think I called for a crime team,
but none of that mattered when you walked in the door. Did you think I wanted
to tell you the truth? I could see how much you were hurting. Do you have any
idea what it cost me to tell you that your girl worked for Grossman? If I
thought it would make you feel any better, I would've let you pound on me all
night long. I watched your heart shatter into a million pieces and I would have
given anything to turn back time and make it turn out different. I can't change
what happened, Hutch. I don't have a time machine in my back pocket. All I can
do is help you deal with the fallout.
There's one thing you've got
to remember, buddy. Gillian was going to give it all up for you. She was ready
to turn her back on Grossman and everything she was, just for you. If things
had turned out different, maybe you two could have worked things out. Maybe you
could have accepted what she was and what she did, and went on from there.
We'll never know, but I know Gillian was right about one thing. She said it
would be nice to be you, to have two people in your life that loved you as much
as she and I did. She hit that nail right on the head, because I do love you.
Hopefully, I love you enough for both of us.
I can't change what
happened, but I can stay and help you put your life back together. I know it's
not gonna happen overnight, and I'll see that pain in your eyes for a long time
to come, but it will get better. We'll get through this just like we've gotten
through other bad times. There isn't anything that can come between us, not
even the ghost of a beautiful woman named Gillian. Get some sleep, Hutch. I'll
be here when you wake up. I ain't goin' anywhere.