Lifeline (MS: Sweet Revenge)
(Starsky’s POV)
Out of my body
I looked down and saw you
Your face filled with agonizing emotions
Your heart's wound so fresh and raw
I softly whispered your name
You looked up as if you'd heard me
With eyes so dark, clouded with tears
Then I knew Heaven could do without me
My best friend needed me near
~~~~~
Sonja
H. van Schalm
How
did I get here? I don’t remember much, just the sound of your voice telling me
to get down. Now I’m floating above myself, and I can see you. I feel your
pain, worse than a thousand bullets slamming into my flesh. I feel the tears
you won’t cry, slashing through my heart like a scalpel.
I can see a light in the distance. It’s so beautiful
there! I can hear voices; voices that I haven’t heard in so long. Terry is
standing beside my dad, and their eyes are filled with love. I miss them so
much! I don’t want to go back. I know there is only pain waiting for me there.
I’ve been through it all before. How can I go through it again?
Then I look down at you and I wonder how can I leave? If
I lose the part of me that is you, I’ll lose everything that gave my life meaning.
We’ve stood side by side for so many years. I was drifting in a world that I
didn’t like much until I found you. I wondered what I was searching for and
then I looked into your eyes. If our eyes are the mirrors to our soul, your
eyes mirror two souls: yours and mine.
Now all I can see is despair in your eyes. Your soul is
wandering now, running to catch up with mine. And in that one instant, I know I
have to go back. No matter how much pain is waiting for me, I know you will be
there, sharing the pain with me. You are my hope. If I have the strength to go
on, you will be the one to give it to me.
So I take one last look at Terry and my dad, and say a
silent farewell. It won’t be good-bye, just “until we meet again”. I’m coming
back to you. I won’t leave this earth unless you go with me. You’re my
lifeline, Hutch. Please don’t let go.
(Hutch’s POV)
How did I get here? One minute, everything was fine. We
were kidding each other, like we’d done a thousand times before. Life was
looking up. We were back on the force, and all was well with the world. Then I
heard the sound of metal scraping against metal, and my whole world exploded.
That sound was the hounds of Hell descending upon us, tearing us apart, taking
you away from me.
Now I’m sitting on the other side of this window,
watching you die. I feel the tears building up inside, but I can’t let them
out. I’m numb. If I lose the part of me that is you, I’ll lose everything.
You’ve been my anchor in a world that is full of pain and despair. This job has
chipped away at everything that is good; my honor, my dedication, and all that
I thought I stood for are gone. Until I met you, I drifted along, searching for
something to give my life meaning. Then I looked into your eyes and knew I what
I was searching for: myself. In those blue eyes, I saw my soul. In your heart,
I found the love I had never known. In your courage, I found the courage to
stand for what I believed in. And in your smile, I found laughter.
Don’t leave me, Starsky. I don’t think I can go on
without you. The wolf is baying at my door, and you carry the strength I need
to keep him away. I know we’ve both lost so much over the years. We’ve lost
people that we loved, and we miss them every day. I know how peaceful it must
be over there, but don’t go. Or if you must go, then take me with you. I don’t
want to stay in a world without you. I need you with me, standing side by side,
or back to back. I know the pain you’ll feel if you stay, but I can share it
with you. I’ll be there to hold you when it gets too much, and to cheer you on
as you struggle to get back what they’ve taken from you. As long as we’re
together, there isn’t anything we can’t do.
So I sit by this window and I pray to all that is holy to
let you come back to me. I’m afraid to close my eyes, because if I do, you’ll
slip away. Feel my heart beating, Starsk, because it beats for you. Feel me
breathing, because I breathe for us both. If love conquers all then we’ll win
this battle, together. We have to. I won’t contemplate my life without you in
it. You’re my lifeline, Starsky. Please don’t let go.
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