| I'll Come Back for You: Chapter 2 |
| Hutch walked slowly into the somber room. He didn't notice the soft carpet, or the muted lighting. His eyes were on the modest casket at the end of the aisle. He gazed fondly at the dark curls that rested on the silk pillow. He smiled slightly at the face he had cherished for so long. Did you ever know that you're my hero, and everything I'd like to be? He looks so peaceful. Just like he's asleep. I want you to know I know the truth. I would be nothing without you. He's asleep, that's all. He'll wake up any second now. I can fly higher than an eagle, for you are the wind beneath my wings. He's dead. He'll never wake up again. No! I'll show you. Come on, Starsky. That's your cue. It's time to open your eyes and sit up. It's time to say, "I gotcha, Blintz. I really fooled you this time, didn't I?" Please get up, Starsk. Don't leave me. Captain Dobey and Huggy caught him as he swayed. As they led him past the empty seats, he looked back over his shoulder. Wake up, Starsky. Please wake up. The funeral was a blur. The service was a mixture of familiar sounds and unfamiliar words. Hutch wondered who had made the arrangements. Was it Rachel, or Starsky's Aunt Rosie? He thought briefly that it didn't matter. At times, if he concentrated real hard, he could hear what the Rabbi was saying. "Preceded in death by his father...survived by his mother, one brother, aunts and uncles." A partner, a friend, a heart, a soul. How do I live without my soul, Starsk? "Taken from us much too soon. Made the greatest sacrifice a man can make. In a better place now." They didn't ask him to be a pall-bearer. They probably knew he wouldn't have the strength. My strength is in that casket. He sat underneath the awning and looked through the walls of the casket. How could those violet blue eyes remain forever closed? He listened to the quiet tears of the family that surrounded him. He sensed, rather than felt, Rachel's hand on his. He looked down at the large, dark brown hand that rested on his knee, and realized that Dobey was kneeling beside him. The ebony hands that clasped his shoulders must have been Huggy's. He spared a brief moment to look up. Huggy tried to smile through his tears in an attempt to reassure him. He could hear what the Rabbi was saying, but the words were unfamilar and too far away to understand. From his own mind, he heard more familiar phrases. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; I will fear no evil; for thou art with me. Don't leave me, Starsk. Come back. Take me with you. He watched as they lowered the casket into the ground. Huggy and Dobey supported him as he bent down to grab a handful of dirt. He threw the dirt onto the casket and stepped back. He closed his eyes and said a silent prayer of his own. Dear God in Heaven, what do I do now? |
| Hutch stood on his balcony and shivered in the darkness. Was it really chilly out here, or was the cold coming from inside? How could he feel warmth with only half a heart, or soul? He looked down at the sidewalk under the balcony. How far down was it? Funny, he'd never thought about that before. His eyes searched the sky above him. For all those times you stood by me. For all the truth you made me see. Are you up there, Starsk? What do you think? Would it be enough? You're the one who held me up; never let me fall. If I could be sure. If it would be clean, I could do it. You were my strength when I was weak. I need you, Starsky. I don't think I can do this alone. I'm everything I am because you loved me. Hutch clenched his fists. "Damn you, Starsky. Why did you have to leave me?" He watched the stars for a moment more, then closed his eyes. He didn't expect an answer; there was no answer that would satisfy him. "Do you think I wanted to leave you, Hutch?" Hutch opened his eyes and stared at the form standing beside him. He knew it was impossible. It couldn't be... "Starsky? How can it be? Am I dead, too? Or am I just crazy?" The opaque form of his partner shook his head and smiled slightly. "Neither. I'm sorry that I scared you, but I couldn't let you go on thinking what you were thinking. Don't do it, Hutch. It won't work." Hutch looked at the form and said accusingly, "You didn't say good-bye." "There wasn't time, Hutch. I didn't know it was going to happen. Sometimes we aren't given a warning, you know that. That's why I'm here now, to say good-bye." Hutch reached out to caress the face of his friend, but his hand went through him. He barely whispered the words. "I can't touch you." "I know. My body is gone. You saw them put me in the ground today. I guess what you see now is my spirit, if that's what you believe in. I shouldn't have come, but I couldn't leave you like this. You have to go on, Hutch. You can't stop living just because I did. Terry said the same thing to me, but I didn't know what she meant until now." "And what if I don't want to go on, Starsky? I can go on breathing and my heart can go on beating, but is that all life is? Where is the joy, the laughter, the tears or the pain? What if I don't have the strength to go it alone?" Starsky grinned that familiar grin. "You won't be alone, partner. You ain't gettin' rid of me that easily. All you have to do is think of me, and I'll be right beside you. I know it won't be the same, but it won't be forever, either. When it's time, I'll come back for you." "When, Starsk? How long do I have to wait?" Starsky shook his head sadly. "I don't know. Like I said, we don't always have a warning. I do know one thing, though. You won't go before your time. That's why I had to stop you from trying anything drastic. If it's not your time to go, all you'll do is hurt yourself. Look, I know we never talked much about fate, or destiny. I don't know if you even believe in that stuff. I didn't know I was going to die, and I sure wasn't prepared for what happened afterward. All I can do now is help you with the pain. You were right, Hutch. I know you were just joking when you said it, but it is hardest on those who are left behind. Please just know that I didn't want it to end like that. I mean, I figured I would die on the job, and not because of something meaningless. I always imagined we'd at least have time to say good-bye first. Hang in there, Hutch. Let Dobey and Huggy help you. Live your life the best way you can, and when it's time, we'll be together again. I CAN promise you that much." The transparent form of his partner started to fade. Hutch tried to grasp Starsky's shoulder, but again, couldn't touch him. "Starsky, wait! Don't go! Please, not yet!" "I have to go, Hutch. Don't be sad any more, Blintz. Remember, I'll come back for you. I promise." |
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