A Halloween Story
David Starsky stood in front of the mirror and adjusted
his three-cornered hat. Growling realistically, he spoke to the image in the
mirror.
“Ahoy there, Matey! Shiver me timbers!”
He grinned at his reflection, turning from side to side
to see the full effect of the costume. The white ruffled shirt and the black
leggings looked as if they’d been made especially for him. He made swiping
motions with the sword, putting one foot behind him in a fencing stance. He
laughed with delight. Halloween was one of his favorite holidays of the year,
and he was really looking forward to this one.
He glanced at his partner, who was standing to one side.
“Hey, Hutch, don’t you want to try on your costume? We don’t have much time to
get it altered if it doesn’t fit.”
Ken Hutchinson scowled as he watched the over-grown child
cavorting in front of the mirror.
“They don’t do alterations on rental costumes, Starsky.
Don’t worry, it’ll fit. What I don’t understand is, why pirates? Why couldn’t
you have picked something else?”
“Hey, pirates are cool.” He tilted the hat slightly
forward on his head. “Besides, that’s all the store had left in our sizes.”
“I would have pegged you for something more traditional,
like Dracula or the Wolf man.”
“Hutch, we’re going to be at
“Of course not. Why do we have
to wear costumes, any way? The techs won’t be wearing them.”
“Sure they will! I talked to Mandy yesterday. She’s coming
as Mother Goose.”
“Well, if she wants to look ridiculous, that’s fine. Why
do I have to?”
Starsky looked askance at his partner. “Hutch, it’s Halloween! We have
to wear costumes! Come on; it’s for a good cause. Now, try your costume on,
please?”
Grumbling the whole time, Hutch opened the box lying on
Starsky’s bed. He dressed quickly then turned to his partner for inspection. The
red shirt and black pants were similar to Starsky’s, but instead of a sword and
tri-cornered hat, his costume came with a black sash and a red bandanna with
skull and crossbones on it. As he adjusted the sash around his waist with one
hand, he motioned to the last accessory still lying in the box with the other.
“And exactly what is that supposed to be?”
Starsky picked it up, grinning wickedly. He slipped the
strap over Hutch’s arm and settled the object on his shoulder. “It’s a parrot.
You know, Polly want a cracker? There, now you look like a pirate.”
The green and red stuffed animal stayed upright on his
perch for a moment. Then, slowly, gravity took over and soon the bird was
upside down, hanging underneath the red sleeve. Starsky gave his partner a
sheepish look then righted the animal. After staying in place for another
minute, it slid down again.
Hutch took the thing off his shoulder and studied it. “Starsky
that is the worst excuse for a parrot I’ve ever seen. I’m not going to wear that thing on my shoulder all night long.”
Starsky patiently took the bird from his friend and
returned it to its proper place. “But, Hutch, you gotta! It came with the
costume.”
He tried not to smile as the toy succumbed to physics
once again, and dangled from its strap.
With a long suffering sigh, Hutch took the
offending animal off then fixed his friend with a pointed look. “Your costume
didn’t come with a parrot.”
Starsky grinned and made fencing motions with the sword.
“That’s because my costume came with this neat sword.”
“Why didn’t I get the costume with the sword instead of
this dumb parrot? I can’t believe I just said that.”
He took off the bandanna and wiped the sweat from his
forehead. “I’m sitting here arguing about Halloween costumes. How do I let you
get me into these things?”
Starsky patted his cheek then put the parrot back on his
shoulder. “Because underneath that hard-boiled exterior, you’re just a big
softie, that’s why.” He put on his best puppy dog eyes for his partner. “Come
on, Hutch. It’s for the kids.”
Hutch turned his head and looked at the parrot. He could
see the bird start to lean again. Before it could slide off, he removed it and
threw it back in the box.
“OK, but I am NOT wearing the parrot.”
Starsky threw his hands up in surrender. “Fine, have it
your way.” As he turned back to the mirror, he grumbled under his breath. “What
a party pooper!”
A small table had been set up for the night in the hall
between the X-ray department and the ER. Starsky and Hutch sat on one side of
the table with a large bowl of candy between them. As the kids came in with
their sacks of edible treasures, the detectives noted the time on a chart. Then
one of the techs ushered them into the appropriate rooms for X-raying. As each
child left, they were given a generous helping of goodies from the bowl.
After a few hours, Hutch had to admit that he was
enjoying himself. The kids were adorable and some of the costumes were very
original. There was one incident that dampened the mood a bit, but the culprit
turned out to be a wayward penny at the bottom of a bag. So far, Hutch’s faith
in humanity was once again justified. He’d seen what adults were capable of
doing to each other, but at least this night remained untainted for the kids.
Starsky, on the other hand, was in his element. His
enthusiasm for life was unbounded as he put on impromptu skits for the kids and
shamelessly flirted with the nurses in the hospital. Hutch smiled to himself. You never stopped seeing Tinkerbell, did
you, buddy? I think you could give Peter Pan a run for his money in the
I-don’t-wanna-grow-up department.”
So, as a steady stream of Frankenstein’s, Witches and
Princesses passed through the department, Hutch relaxed and lost himself in the
fun. The traffic was just beginning to slow down when a young girl dressed as
Barbie came in with her father. As Hutch jotted the time down and waited for
one of the rooms to become available, the little girl looked him over with a
serious expression on her face.
“What are you supposed to be?”
Hutch looked surprised. “I’m a pirate.”
She looked at him with doubt in her eyes. “If you’re a
pirate, where’s Polly?”
“Who?”
“Polly, your parrot. Pirates are
supposed to have parrots on their shoulders.”
The blond pointed at Starsky. “He’s a pirate, and he
doesn’t have a parrot on his shoulder.”
“Yeah, but he has a neat sword. Pirates don’t have to
have parrots when they have swords.” She shook her had sadly. “You don’t know
much about pirates, do you?”
Fortunately, before Hutch had to formulate an answer,
Mandy came for Barbie and her pink bucket of goodies. The blond turned to glare
at his partner, who was trying unsuccessfully to stifle his laughter.
He pointed a long finger at his friend. “Don’t say a
word! ‘Where’s Polly?’ He’s back at the nuthouse, where I should be for letting
you con me into this.”
Starsky laughed out loud and spread his hands out. “Hey,
it’s not my fault that you left Polly back in the box. I told you that you
should have worn him.”
Hutch growled. “Starsky, if there weren’t so many kids
around, I’d tell you just where you could put that parrot.”
For a response, the brunet only laughed harder. Hutch
threw him one last glare then settled back in his seat. He pointedly ignored
the occasional giggle that emanated from his partner.
As
the witching hour grew close, the stream of ghosts and goblins trickled down.
Finally, the two detectives divided the rest of the candy between the last of
the kids and closed up shop. They were saying good-bye to the techs when a yell
came from the ER.
“Hey, man, take it easy! We’re only trying to help you.”
“Bull shit! You just want to lock me up and I ain’t
going!”
“Look; you’re bleeding. That cut needs stitches. Let us
do our job, Mr. Walters.”
“No way! You’re not getting near
me with a needle while those cops are standing around. You’ll knock me out and
I’ll wake up behind bars, like usual.”
The two detectives rushed across the hall. The object of
the doctor’s attention was standing behind one of the gurneys, holding an
oxygen tank in his hands. Starsky slipped behind one of the nurses.
“What’s going on?”
The dark-haired nurse motioned toward the patient. “His
name’s Johnny Walters. He’s one of our regulars. Two uniforms brought him in a
few minutes ago. He got into a fight with some men outside a bar. The police
broke it up but Johnny got cut before they got there. Whenever he gets a few
shots of whiskey under his belt, he thinks he’s ten feet tall and bullet proof.
The county lock up is like his home away from home. I guess this time he
decided he didn’t want to go.”
Starsky exchanged looks with his partner, shaking his
head slightly. If they got closer, it would only antagonize the wounded man. He
turned back to the nurse.
“So, why don’t you just gang up on him? You’ve got him
out numbered.”
She laughed sardonically. “Do you see that oxygen tank in
his hands? If he throws that thing and the gauge pops off, the explosion will
take out this whole department. He might as well be holding a bomb.”
Starsky muttered under his breath. “Terrific.” He
motioned to Hutch, backing out the door.
After they were back in the hallway, Hutch raised an
eyebrow. “So, what do you want to do?”
“Well, we can’t just go charging in there. The nurse said
that tank was like a bomb. If it goes off, a lot of innocent people are going
to be hurt. Thank God he can’t make us as cops. As long as his attention stays
on the uniforms, maybe we can create a diversion.”
The banter they’d shared dissolved into seriousness as
Hutch took in the scene. “What kind of diversion did you have in mind?”
Starsky snapped his fingers. “I think I have the perfect
plan.”
A few minutes later, Starsky reentered the emergency room,
supporting Hutch as they staggered toward their quarry. The blond was doubled
over in pain, clutching his stomach. The astonished nurses and doctor goggled
at the scene as Starsky called out agitatedly.
“Hey, I need some help here!”
Before anyone could move, the recalcitrant patient
protested loudly. “Don’t come any closer, friend! In case you haven’t noticed,
we’re a little busy right now.”
Starsky kept moving until he was in the cubicle next to
Walters. He settled Hutch onto the gurney then raised his hands in
supplication.
“Look, I don’t know what your problem is, friend, but my buddy needs help. We were
at a party when he just collapsed. I think he was poisoned or something.”
To add to the charade, Hutch moaned loudly and turned
onto his side. Walters looked doubtfully at the newcomer then nodded and
motioned to the doctor.
“OK, you can take a look at him. But I want those pigs to
stay where they are. If one of you so much as twitches, I’ll cure this guy the
hard way.”
Starsky moved to the front of the gurney, giving the
doctor room to examine his partner. The wounded man watched in curiosity, his
own predicament forgotten for a moment. When the doctor bent over him, the
blond winked then groaned louder. The doctor’s eyes widened as he caught on to
the deception. He looked over at Walters.
“I need one of the nurses to help me. This man is in
agony. There’s a blue tinge around his mouth and his pulse is out of control.
He’s obviously been poisoned. If I don’t get his heart stabilized, he could go
into cardiac arrest.”
Walters growled at the request but nodded. “OK, but just
one. I don’t want anybody else to move.”
As the doctor and nurse worked feverishly on the fake
patient, Walters became engrossed in the scene. Slowly, Starsky slid closer to
the wounded man. As the oxygen tank in Walters’ hand dropped a fraction, the
dark-haired detective made his move. Shoving Walters hard in the side, he
wrenched the tank out of his grip and tossed it to the nurse in one fluid
movement. Instantly, Hutch was off the table and launching himself at the
disarmed man. Together, the two detectives wrestled him to the floor.
Hutch slapped the seat of his pants then made a face.
Starsky recognized the blond’s intent and grinned.
“What’s the matter, partner? Did you forget to bring your
handcuffs?”
The look the blond gave him was scathing. “Take a good
look, Starsky. Where would I put them?”
One of the uniformed officers laughed and leaned over the
blond detective. “Here, Hutch, you can borrow mine.”
Soon, the wounded man was sufficiently subdued and back
on the gurney. The two detectives stood with the uniformed officers, watching
closely. When Walters was ready to be transported, the officer that had
recognized them looked the two detectives over from head to toe.
“Those are some good looking costumes you have there,
guys. But, where’s your parrot, Hutch? You need a parrot to be a pirate.”
As Starsky guffawed, Hutch glared at him. “Starsky, if
you say one word, so help me, I’ll-”
The next day, as the two men returned their costumes to
the store, Starsky nudged his friend in the shoulder.
“Now, you gotta admit that you had a good time last
night. Even you couldn’t resist those kids in their costumes.”
Hutch shrugged sheepishly. “OK, I admit it. I’m glad you
talked me into it. The kids were cute and we did keep Walters from hurting the
people that were trying to help him.”
“Good. Then I can tell Mandy that we’ll do it again next
year.”
Hutch glowered at his friend. “OK, but on one condition.
Next time, I get to pick the costumes.”
Starsky looked suspiciously at his friend. “Well, OK, but
don’t pick anything weird, like giant stalks of celery or something. Make it
something people can recognize.”
Hutch nodded. “OK, so how about we go as mustard and
ketchup?”
“Now you’re being silly.”
As they walked out of the store, the blond made other suggestions.
“OK, how about we go as a hamburger and French fries? But I get to be the fries.”
“And just how am I supposed to sit down if I’m wearing a
huge hamburger bun? Come on, Hutch. I want to wear something cool.”
“OK, how about Peter Pan and Tinkerbell? You’d look
really cool in a tutu. And if you’re good,
I’ll even let you carry a magic wand.” He grinned wickedly at the brunet. “Of
course, you’d have to shave those legs first. We wouldn’t want to scare the
kiddies.”
The blond took off running with Starsky close on his
heels.
“HUUUUTCH!”