| 03-11-01 Ah. Sit back and relax. Take a nice sip from your pitcher of water or lemonade. Look up at the bright sun in the sky. Wait, okay don't look too long, you're going to burn your eyes out. And are you sure that the water is pure? Or the lemonade is mixed up enough? Those bills just keep coming and coming. Your wife doesn't show you any sort of affection. You thought about another woman at work. Your kids hate you. The car is going to break down any second now. And maybe, just maybe, you could get skin cancer from sitting out there in the sun. Life is so decieving. And cruel. And kind. Because your son is so smart. He's going to college next year. And your wife looks good in that bathing suit. Talking to your neighbor. Who just happens to be single and owns a BMW, and works at home, while your wife is also home. He has a pool, lucky him. She has been spending more time over there. And why is his arm around her now? You get up. Is she flirting with him? I should be enough for that ungrateful.....Oh, Hi Gary how ya doing? ......How are those stocks doing? ......Ya nice talking to ya......rot in hell son-of-a-bitch .....Life is grand. I get to sit here with my view of these nice parks with kids playing around. I wonder when things went sour in Wanda and I's relationship. High school sweethearts, went to the same college, Married just a year after that. Got our first apartment, first house. Found out my sperm was sterile......Isn't life grand.....She's going in the house with him. Sigh. Life is terrific. (empty thoughts for ten minutes) Here they come back again. I think Wanda's bathing suit was a little bit tighter. He's waving bye to her, what a thoughtful gesture. Ya thanks a lot jackass, for being a solution to all of my problems. Oh Hi Honey, what did he show you? New house uh huh....I see.....I love you too honey. I will always love you. Until I bang that girl at work. Ah. Life is grand. 03-15-01 I am not black. I look down and see a pale color on my skin. In fact I don't even see a color, when I look down. I'm human color. So why when there's a shooting in the inner city is it always about color? Why did we have to fight for hundreds of years just so blacks could join the "white struggle" of getting up everyday to get in the line to grovel for a pay check? Why do most revolutions begin with so much promise and end in so much greed and hypocrisy? Check it out -- the 60's came along to get rid of all of those "squares", the tight-ass parents khaki and sweater vest button down ford driving plain old parents. They had so many colors half the time they didn't know if it was the drugs or life itself. They had amazing music. They had sit-in's, parades, movements. So much going on. Maybe too much. All of the colors made them too dizzy in the end and we fell down. A war happened and we didn't get back up on our feet till the 1980's. All because of color. Look at the results: a stronger hold on to power by those who be, things sold to us at a dizzying pace (to make up for all of that easy come, easy go crap -- forget peace and love now you can own a piece of history for only 29.95!) and a sad memorable time where chaos reigned and we loved it. So again I am not black. Black used to stand for something. It was power and pride, and shame and disgust. It was history and never again and why. And now it's middle management and factory worker, teacher and gay pride parade. There is no such thing as "blackie" , but I still don't dare use the n word. That's because there is such a thing as being human. And I am that. 03-18-01 Think of everything horrible one person can do to another. Rape, murder, revenge, jealousy, alienation, inflicting emotional or phyical pain that can't ever go away. Does it make you cringe? Do you know it is bad? Pety crime is one thing, but the big sins are big sins. It is time to get outraged. Do you know someone who's innocence and privacy has been taken by a complete stranger? Someone who might have been so good-natured and pure inside until Wham! they get bitten by the nastiest bug that will ever exist. Feel rage. Yell out loud, but it won't do anything good. Pent it up, and your insides eat themselves away because you know. If you were a clean slate before, now you're shattered glass. You can't look at yourself ever the same. If you look too long, or reach out to help, it may hurt even more. It's worse than hell. The filth of the dirty secrets of every man and woman before you feels like it lines your stomach and will live there forever. You can keep scrubbing away, but there's always something left. Never is one safe from dirt. There is no help, it can get better, it has to. The act pierces every pore of your body you become a slave to it. Shock is an understatement; the reality is one of denial mixed with the most extreme of anger to create the question of why. This is not a why does the sun rise every morning. This is why did this happen. Why is there evil in the world. Why do I have to keep on going. Why? 03-20-01 A famous person once said, "To be great is to be misunderstood." Well this quote can be interpreted in several ways. But one way it cannot be applied is through ignorance. Ignorance to what someone is just because someone says something. Ignorance to stories that you have heard, or legends that are passed around. Ignorance to actually talking with that person to maybe find out that those things aren't true, that people get upset very easily and if another person isn't allowed to talk something can get way blown out of proportion. Or ignorance to social standing. Now this last one really annoys me. Rich people do it every day, they feel like they're actually helping the lesser folks, "doing them a favor" as they see it. Give a little bit of your precious time, money and well the world is all better because of it. Well it's not. So misunderstand this. A person is a person. They can be different in any environment, say things they normally wouldn't say under certain circumstances, or do things they wouldn't normally do under extreme pressure. But!! A person's honesty can be interpretated only in face to face contact. First impressions make them sure, but allow them to be thrown out the window. Keep an open mind dammit. Find out the reasons. Seek out the abnormal. Don't just give up. How come it's perfectly normal for a girl to swoon over some stupid fucking boy band which was put together for the sole purpose to induce that swooning but it isn't okay for a guy to drool over a woman put on this earth for that fucking exact reason!!! We meet, we find out the other person has good genes, we mate. Fuck love. That's it okay. Continue the gene pool. Make more fucking humans so we can dominate the earth even more and erode the ground beneath our feet even more. All over a girl too. I tell ya girls are trouble stay away. |