| 2-05-01 We can face things or we can walk away. Simple as that. And we've been running away from things for a long time. Ever since we were kicked out of Eden we feel it is our duty to make sure that we never get kicked out again; we'll show ourselves out first. What if Adam has stood up to God? What if he has said, "Yeah I ate that apple and you can kick me out if you want, but I'll always be here to remind you of our failure. You can't run." Then man wouldn't be scared at all. Then man wouldn't need the 10 commandments. Then man would be man and not a creation. Man is man. Wake up. Stop running. Live your life. That's all I got honestly. I am trying to write something about love and how a kiss can do so many things. It's all jumbled. If answers are black and white than why is love filled with so much red. I do I don't. I think. No surpise ending here folks. The guy walks away. Nothing is solved. No tears shedded. But so much more damage done. So much built from destruction. You don't have to understand. But if you've ever had so much fun in your life or things are going so well you don't realize it get something to remember it by. Because you're not going to be able to remember the girls face. Time will change you. But at the core it eats away. If you love someone, and I mean love like it is mean to be, no lust involved, love is when two people look at each other with eyes that reveal their souls and the energy flows from them and drives the world around and around around them. Do me a favor. Never ever ever end it. If you have to than run. Run as fast as you can and never look back. Because it's the only way. 02-07-01 Today. Today I woke up and somehow made it to the shower as I do everyday. Some days it is easier for me to let the hot water drip down my body, others it feels like waking up was the worst idea since stop signs. I get out of the shower and sit. It is easy to sit down after the cleansing is complete. But I have to keep moving. I get dressed. This is way more self absorbing than I intend it to be. I never feel that I look great, but i just want to look acceptable. I do my hair. Should I grow it long or short. It's always not good enough. Than I head down and eat my breakfast alone, doubting the milk weary of my selection of cereals. I'm ready 10 minutes before everyone else is. I have to brush my teeth what a mindless thing. Last touchups. Guys instantly turn into girls in front of mirrors. Except they worry about hair and muscles instead of breasts and face stuff. School. Whoopie. It's a joke nuff said. If something happens exciting its memorable, if i talk to someone new or fun its a good mood. But its the same people with the same thing again and again and we're just a bunch of gerbils running in wheels until the floor is taken from under us and we're stuck among woodchips in a big glass box. So i walk my sorry ass home. It's almost worth it. I fart around on the new excuse for our existence, until I sleep. Sleep to forget. And I wake up and watch sportscenter. Sports are a microcasm of our lives, but a lot more fun. If kenny mayne is on I'm happy. He's my hero. (He's who you hear when you first load my page). So ya I eat dinner, its food I've eaten it before I'm sure. Fart around on the net, I have to search for jenny and people to talk to at least 5 -10 times a day. Then tv. Sometimes it inspires me. Most times its mindless. Yeah. I goto sleep some more. And wake up. 02-22-01 Theres a story about two people. These people fall in love and have the most amazing time of their life. And for some reason it ends. For some reason life ends. It's worse than death. A star so bright in the universe has gone out, and the sky is a little dimmer because of it. People would lay down on the ground and stare at that star and think about the grandiose enormisity of what it all means. And for some reason one night, that star isn't there. Billions of miles away, for some reason that star has exploded, maybe killing all life around it or maybe blasting particles of energy into the deep void of space where no life exists. In the sky where that star used to be it is black, like the majority of the sky. No one weeps for this star. As a matter of fact the only people who even know that this star existed are astronomers or the people who sat under the sky every night waiting to look up and be awed by the natural fireworks that are provided for us. But now, it's gone. People will remember this star, they will continue to look to see if their eyes have mistaken them. Maybe the star is just hiding, maybe there's just a cloud. But the next night when the star still isn't there, a sadness overcomes them. "What is there to inspire me now?" people ask. Who will take that stars place. I miss that star. It was just me and her and billions of thoughts that ran through my brain faster than I could comprehend them. Sure there are other stars. But none like her. Without her, the sky is nothing. But I will still look. Because one day that blackness will be gone. Either that or I will end, and join her in the heavens, exploding and leaving behind me a trail of ultimate joy. 02-25-01 Imagine a world where humans didn't exist. The forests grew all over the earth and animals ran wild. The cycle of life would continue on forever until a meteor came and wiped out life, or the sun exploded and engulfed the earth. There has to be a beginning and an end. The animals would not think about where they came from, what they were doing on this earth, or what the future maybe like. They simply learned from their parents and had inborn knowledge to survive in their environment and forwards their species. Eat, sleep, hunt, screw. Die. We could solve our divorce problem (and hunger?) by living like praying mantises, right after the female has screwed the male it eats him. Than we would turn into the island of Lesbos though with a Soylent Green twist. Maybe we could live like ants all serving one Queen, most of us drones getting food to feed the queen and general populus so that we can make more drones to get more food and the cycle continues. Or do we do that already. We could be bears and live in caves for a third of the year storing up energy and food. Then when we get out of this cave we have a job to do. How horrible would it be if you couldn't live out as nature intended. You were placed in a cage and fed 3 times a day. Maybe you are given a companion or two or ten. And you sit. Show off for the people. Wag your pink little behind, it's a big money maker. Show those teeth, or that fin, or those big muscles. Some of us are trapped in our own zoo's, and the bars are made by us or others around us. So how do we escape to the wild, to be natural and free? Where there's a will, there's a way. |