- Fun Fact: I like the rain.
- Fun Fact: I'd choose a night at the symphony hall over a night at the club.

Cool, it's raining... I was actually planning to head over to Versus Motorsports for their garage sale later around 10ish, but it looks like the rain might render me brain dead if I go to sleep now... "HYEAH!!! It's actually raining for once!"... Well, considering that ricerocket owners avoid driving in the rain, Versus might not be as packed (I hope), so this might be a good opportunity for me to get in & out fast... (That or I end up standing in line outside in the rain... whatever works)... The downside about rain is that not a lot of people make it out to my bar on rainy days (for some odd reason), so I'm not looking to a money making day, but I gain more from the "sentimental" rain anyways... The harder and longer it rains, the more likely it'll snow here too!

Well, I'm pretty sure Ayumi is loving basking in the rain, considering how long she sat in the garage... (There's actually a big ass oily palm print on the driver fender that looks totally gnarly when the water bounces off it... The paint job under the palm print is suffering however... oops)...

Today I re-learned a lesson that I'm hounding at myself for... If you're gunna say something harsh or nice, you should say it no matter what the consequences are because you are being dead honest... By doing so, others will "remember" you as the "original" reference when a similar occurence/quote is presented and not as a person referring to something that has already been said/done... (This is actually a complex thought of how I don't want to be remembered as a a duplicate, but as an originator... Ironically, I'm always saying shit about how I should be forgotten for the better good... "Did I mention schizo? For the millionth time"... So I'm talking crazy talk right about now...) It feels like Deja Vu when I run into these occurences also because I feel as if I alone am the source, but hearing it in the open means that someone else feels the same way... Meaning that even if I believe I am an individual, I am not because I am relating to another... "Just another puppet"... How can you be a seperate individual when you can relate to one another? The tachikoma's presented "everyday curiousity" as the answer, but one way or another, you'll meet another individual that thinks the same...

With that said, I don't even want to post this log because it all sounds insane, but I'd be succumbing to the same fault that has made me write this ender if I scrap it... So I will post... I will post so that my audience will look to me as the "original", once a similar event is encountered...

Nah, I'm just talking a lotta jumbo... Sounds repetitious, but that's my purpose... To annihilate my audience and invoke higher thinking... "Ignorance is bliss and knowledge is a curse... All I can do is smile and deceive..."

All in all, it's fun having me around ne? Sure it is.

-wolf

- Fun Fact: I enjoy watching B-rated movies.
- Fun Fact: When I worked at the flower shop, Ayumi was my company car.

My goal before the end of December is to get my "would be" room, turned into an actual room... There's practically nothing but junk all over the place and my friggin bed is full of demon dolls (not to mention that the bed itself is still huge, even after I find a spot for them)... The first thing to tackle is the drab ass TV stand I'm using (false wood grain sticker sheet over nifty wood... not to mention that it's really a computer desk)... Don't get me started on my turntables and the vinyls... And alas, there's just way too many damn posters up (yes I love Ayu, but it's just too cluttered for my eyes now... The most inspirational ones shall stay up)... After I'm done transforming my room, then what? I'll be in the same situation as I was with Ayumi... Melancholy and simply wandering...

Can't yell out "YOUTH!!!" anymore because that only works in conjunction with "The Springtime of Youth" credo... (You CAN, but we all know it's winter)... I actually like winter more than any other season because it's hella cold and hopefully rainy season starts? (According to Betsy, it's snowing up in Seattle... drat...)... This might be the main reason of why I've fallen into a slight melancholy... Something about the cold weather that makes you chill the fuck out yah kno?... I can't call it melancholy because I don't have that "sinking" feeling (too relaxed maybe?)... Anyways, I haven't logged a BLog in a while, so let's do that... (all I've actually been doing is ranting and preaching... let's give it up for once)... I warn you... I don't mess around on BLogs...

(I'm gunna post it up as a seperate link... that shit was too long) Link coming soon...

All I know is that we found out that Simon can drink Quest under the table... Who'd have thought? (The BLog is about Lu n Alien's budday, so this is not a random blurb)...

Anyways, I didn't have anything really to log, so I just ranted about whatever... The banners were getting drab, so a new log should always be written once changed...

"Let's go have a victory drink to welcome back Ayumi!"...

-wolf

"A never ending cycle that's relentless as it is unpredictable..."

- I got kicked outta the pad earlier in October and it made no total sense what so ever... I was working on the car as I usually did, then I left with Mutrice to get some drinks... What I came back home to was a fuckin dumbass mom, screamin the shit outta mah ears for no damn reason... What the fuck? I thought I was 23 and paying a mass portion of the bills n shiet... Doesn't that entitle me to being classified as an "individual"... No, not in her eyes it didn't... So I brandished out my 9mm and loaded that sucker up... Determined as I was at the time, I was fully prepared to shoot her ass, then I realized I wasn't holding the gun and really had to get away from her before something bad could go down... "I went schizoid for a minute"... It wasn't the fact that I was treated like a "kid" that made me leave... I almost shot up mah momma... nuff said...

- Not too long after that incident, I was in disarray with the whole situation and knew that nothing good could come outta the month... and I was right... It's been a couple years since mah uncle was murdered or what not, and not knowingly to most people, I took it pretty hard and it altered my life from then til present day... I haven't gotten over the fact that I lost a kickass uncle, but I've grown outta it and come to terms with some things... Likewise when I thought I'd gotten away from that, I run into some person outta the blue, who actually knew him from way back in the day... Says that she was a homegirl of his, but it spooked the shit outta me that I of all people, would run into some one like that... I didn't mention him at all and she's blurts out his name outta the blue... It's been too long and I'm way out in the boonies, so what the fuck? Am I gunna die soon? Mebbe this is it yah kno... Twisted fate or Order by Chaos?

This is why I rather not be socializing with anyone... Friends or foe... I can't function in a normal society... I know so at least...

- Always in a mental bind, I needed something to free up my mind... Luckily there was a Video Games Live Orchestral set to play on Oct.19, so I rejoiced... At first, that was the only thing I planned out, but I guess Cindy found a gaming expo held before hand... Kickass rock balls, but that expo turned out to be small as hell... We did get a chance to play the beta version of "Super Smash Bros Brawl" though, so that was pretty damn cool... The VGL was absolutely stunning and well worth it... Martin Leung performed his piano pieces and I went speechless when he did "Times Scar" and "Without Taking the Jewel"...

- October 21, I wanted to take this day off to relax and have a breather at Sunset Point all by myself... Take a walk at the pier and drink a lil sake... I didn't though... Memories are nice, but memories are just memories, so I just let it all go finally... I don't think I have, but it's a start to try yah know... I applaude my 10 year haul, but that was one hell of a burden to lug around... "Feels lighter, but is that it?"

- Coming near the end of October, I finally finished repairs on Ayumi... I had said that It'd been great to have her running in August, but I already knew that October would be it, regardless of whatever bad luck, curse, whatever bullshit... I gave it my all and I ate mah own money I put up on the table... She is done and she is good... (as soon as I drop in the new alternator that is)...

So in final words... I just think I'm better off wandering alone... I do just fine working in a circle, but I'm just too fucked up in the head to really keep it up... Everyone wants to be individual and independent, but in reality, that means to isolate and rely on nothing, other than yourself... In a way I'm a hypocrite, but I'm working towards it...

Humans endure their own pain and have their own curiousities... They have different situations and different cause/effects that changes their lives daily... Which is why no other person can really say "I understand"... After all, humans are just cowards and tend to find comfort in others around them... What's wrong with being alone?

Some emo person could run up to me and say I'm depressed, but in return I would say I'm melancholy... Same meaning in the terms, but totally different words... Therefore, I am not depressed because that makes it sound like the world is falling around me and I'm not emo because I don't wanna kill myself...

I am melancholy because that just straight out sounds cool... yah dig?

-wolf