So we're goin to the temple this weekend to do some prayers for gramma and I thought I could kill two birds with one stone, but hell, we'll see if prayers could help mah ass at this point... "We could forever fool ourselves that prayer or whatever the fuck could give us repentance, what that's just fooling ourselves to believe in so"... You really think anything could ever grant you forgiveness? Let alone folded hands held to your brow and some religious chants?

I didn't just realize it now, but I had a bad rude awakening... True innocence is only present when you are a child, but sins only build on as you grow older...

"Blood stains are things that gods could never wash away and gods don't exist in my world"

heh... and out of my 4 day weekend, I still haven't made the effort to see my "big eyed" better half... what a person I am eh?

-wolf

Fun Fact: I prefer wearing windbreakers on my off days
Fun Fact: I can recite the whole script from Fatal Fury The Motion Picture

As if I didn't have enough freetime on my hands, I can't seem to find anything worth doing with every waking day... I've fallen into a lucky streak at work, but I'm usually compensating for others mistakes anyways, so I don't see where it's all going... (eh... whatever...)

I've been missing my "big eyed" better half for a while now, but I haven't made the slightest effort to actually go see her when I'm in the area... Honestly, I'd have to say that work is to blame for all my laziness/lacking of character as of late, but a solution is ever so bleek when I look at the actual situation... I don't get to interact much with "real" people, so real relationships are becoming less important as time passes, which is sad really, but what the hell right?... "I've already accepted myself as a schizophrenic, but SPD (Schizoid Personality Disorder) doesn't even relate in any way, yet I'm guilty to both definitions... Now that's some shit!"... This would explain my recent resentment and detachment, but then again...

"My job pays well, but it's starting to leave some massive negative effects... I'm sure it'll get worse if I don't try to resolve it quickly, because not only is schizophrenia and cognitive dissonance a work in progress, but this SPD shit is starting to compute as true... This is no good I say..."

I will take baby steps... Although society classifies it as a personality disorder, I will call it my "defense" mechanism because I'd be accepting/conforming to the views/"truths" of the masses if I say there's something wrong...

My first baby step is to see my "big eyed" better half... (That should lessen the chance of me believing that I've been tainted by SPD... or have I been already?)

"On a serious note though, I've been reading a lot of books lately related to my personal studies and a lot of the shit I pull up is psychologically demanding... Some of the stuff I'd rather have erased from my memory banks, but knowledge sticks and ignorance becomes a wish... Sometimes "knowing" is not always a good thing, but that's what makes it fun!"

-wolf