Essays... Ariana
Socks Are A Girl's Best Friend

I am big on socks. I'm positive that you, dear viewer, are also a sockatic,
and are nodding your head in agreement "Yes, me too! Someone else
shares my secret shame!" Well, I have some terrible, terrible news for you.
Socks are out.

Please don't gasp so hard. I heard that's bad for your heart. I am also
deeply shocked by this news, but it's frightfully true. I work around
the corner from a high school, and students pass by us all the time, and I
can't help but notice that all the female students are wearing something I
believe is called.. tennis socks. You see, these tools of the devil give the
illusion that you are not wearing any socks. But you will notice that a
little hint of sock shows above the top of the shoe. This bewilders me.
How can someone be so ashamed of socks that they'll wear socks that barely
cover their ankles?

I've never been one to hide my socks. In fact, during my high school
years (it was NOT that long ago. stop laughing) I lived in knee socks. The
ultimate in sockdom. School skirt riding high, combined with black knee
socks and shiny black raised heel shoes, I was the fucking golden
goddess of socks. These miracles of fashion should be reveled in, not hidden away.

There is one not so great about socks. That's when they get holes in
them.  It's really embarrassing. I'm not exactly sure why, I mean, everyone
gets holes in their socks. It's not like it makes you a bad person or
anything. The bottom of a foot isn't exactly the most disgusting angle of the
human anatomy, either. But it still sucks. There are like a million
children's songs that usually involve some loser with holes in their socks. Who
are they to laugh at the poor holy socked child? Maybe that's where the
fear first started. I don't think I was ever embarrassed about my socks when
I was that age, though.

What is so wrong about sock holes?