MPFHfootball

Perhaps I should Introduce MY foot to YOUR balls-Tuesday, September 16th, 2003

I've been meaning to write this for a while. The reason I decide to do it now is because I was just watching Real TV and there was a clip of a bunch of idiots acting like idiots at a football game. So I'd like to say now, football sucksballs. The only time 'foot' and 'ball' should be used at the same time is when saying that someobdy kicked somebody else in the balls. Which is what I'd like to do to all the football 'fans'.

Admitedly, I have watched a couple of the super bowls. Why? It's a major sporting event. I also watch the world series and the Daytona 500, and we all know how boring NASCAR is. Nothing against NASCAR, racing is cool, but after three minutes it gets kind of boring. NASCAR needs some black racers.

But this isn't about NASCAR, it's about football. Football is pathetic. Anyone who has a party to watch a game should be shot. Any high-school dropout can cram steroids and chase after a small brown elliptical object. It takes about as much skill as bowling. On TV there was a guy, he looked kind of like Kane unmasked, grunting like a pig and putting on a helmet of a certain football team and pointing and yelling.

"Football isn't like other sports." No? FOOTBALL IS MADE COMPLETELY OF OTHER SPORTS! Buff guys trying to score goals? Hockey, soccer. Buff guys beating the crap out of each other? Wrestling, boxing. Morons running around trying to accomplish pointless objectives for no reason at all? Most X-Treme Elimination Challenge (Yes, I know queerball came first). Face it. THERE IS NOTHING ORIGINAL ABOUT FOOTBALL.

Why is football a school sport? I know, the girls have field hockey so the guys have to have a sport to be equal. The girls have field hockey, why not have floor hockey? That's a good sport.

Even the name of the sport is inaccurate. FootBALL? According to www.dictionary.com, a ball is a spherical or almost spherical object. The foot 'balls' themselves are the most spherical objects I've ever seen. Neptune isn't even as spherical as the objects used in football. Another thing about the name: FOOTball? You don't use your feet! Why not be normal and call soccer football, I mean in soccer you actually use your feet and a ball.

Football video games are just as pointless as the real game. I think Maddox said it best. "I don't get it: they re-package the same shitty football games every year, update a few stats, call it a new game and millions of suckers keep buying them." NOBODY could have said it better. Who wants to play this anyway? Remember that kick-ass RPG called Guardian's Crusade? Of course not! Becuase you were all out there buying football games. Instead of televising football, they should take the good video games and make movies. That would be good stuff that I'd actually watch. Wouldn't a Twisted Metal movie kick so much ass? Psychos in cars driving around and shooting at each other just to have a single wish granted? You don't even need the wish. Just a bunch of people shooting at each other in cars. That would be superb! But instead they flood the airwaves with morons.

I can't bring myself to go on. If you like football, do me a favor and run into a busy highway in front of oncoming traffic.

Note: Everything expressed here is my opinion only. It should NOT be taken seriously. Reproduction and/or distribution of this, as well as everything else on this site, without permission from me makes you an asshole.