MPFHdog

Scum barks, does tricks, and is not a seal-August 13th, 2003

I was really not going to write a rant about this since Mack already has, until today.

First let me explain to you why I hate dogs much. When I was little, I mean really little, like one or two, my uncle's dog attacked me. That kind of made me uneasy around dogs for a while, and eventually grew into a full fledged FEAR of the beasts for about 12 years. Now, I have grown out of my Phobia, but I still have a very very deep hatred of the shit sucking demons. As Mack already said, dogs aren't even natural creatures. They have been made by man through genetics and breeding. Man has made alot of really stupid, pointless things throughout history, and dogs are probably the worst.

My entire family knows how much I hate dogs. Out of all these people, about 80% of them own dogs. And out of that 80%, only about half actually keep their dogs chained up while I'm around. AND THESE PEOPLE WONDER WHY I NEVER VISIT THEM. For example, my cousin Kim's boyfriend has a dog. Now this guy loves this dog. At this point, I'd like to declare anyone who likes dogs dumb, stupid, idiotic, retarded, botarded, fucktarded, and no more intelligent than dogs themselves. So, back to Kim's boyfriend.

He likes this dog so much, he just let's it go wherever it wants. He doesn't have a real place to chain it up. Now, because of this dog and another dog called Kelly, I really dislike going over there. The only reasons I go over there is if there was a party or something. Now everytime I'm over there, the dog Kelly, whom I hate (if you've read the rant about my brother, isn't even an eighth of what she is). Now, for no apparent reason at all, this little bitch just gets pissed off at me. Her biggest threat to me is 'I'll let the dog in.' Since I've only been there like twice since I was 12, she doesn't do it so much anymore. But when I was so paranoid, it scared me out of my mind, and nobody did anything to stop her. She also loves to embarass me in front of people, which leads me into another anecdote in no way associated with dogs at all.

It wasn't too long ago, I was over there for her birthday. It was only myself and my immediate family, since everyone else in the family hates her. Now, she was going to have a friend over to spend the night. This girl was a former friend of mine. We were like best friends in first grade, then she moved to Hickville (Remsen) where Kelly goes to school. So she made friends with Kelly and they've been "good" friends ever since, although that's not what I saw at that time. So this girl (her name is Elora) comes over and immediately Kelly starts blurting out things that are so personal I wouldn't even lock them in a safe. Thanks alot. A hot girl that I knew really well at one point and Kelly ruins it for me. And she wonders why I hate her so much? Funny thing is, a couple days later she calls me up and asks me to call this guy she likes and tell him good things about her. First off, I'm not going to call a complete stranger and start telling him about my cousin, he'll think I'm some kind of freak. And after what you did to me a couple days ago, I am definetly not doing you any favors. If anything, I should call this guy and tell him all the bad things about you.

Back to the dogs. My aunt Rose also has a dog. Now, I'm 5'9, about 170-180 pounds. That's pretty big even for an adult, and this dog comes up to about my chest. It's a damn rottweiler. Of all the dogs out there, this is by far the most violent. Even though I am no longer afraid of most dogs, this one still makes me crap my pants. Now they're big into golf, and I like golf too. My uncle was going to give me lessons. I took lessons from him for about a month. Every time we went out, I would specifically ask that they take me straight home afterward. And they'd 'forget' and I'd go back to they're house. The dog of theirs is very 'friendly' and likes to hang around visitors. They know how much I hate that thing, and yet still refuse to keep it away from me. So after about a month of having to deal with the spawn of Goliath I finally decided to stop golfing. Well now everytime I see somebody from over there, golf will come up and they'll ask, trying to cover up their annoyed attitude up and not doing a very good job, 'why don't you golf with us anymore?' Well, dear auntie Rose, it didn't have anything to do Cerberus. I just had too many other things to do.

So, why did you finally decide to write this rant? Well, earlier today I went to the gym with some of my friends instead of just working out at home like usual. I was walking home, and I decided to take another route. I don't know why. Maybe because it was closer. Maybe because it was a hot day and this hot girl named Alyssa lives there and there was the possibility that she could be in her pool in a skimpy bathing suit. Who knows. Well anyway as I was walking, I went past this one house. As I walked past, some old woman walks out and her dog runs out after her. The first thing this mut does is see me, run up to me and start barking and growling. And the lady and her two kids just sat there. There were two things running through my head at this point. 'I hope this damn thing bites me, so I wont get sued when I stomp on it's head until it's brains ooz out of it's ears.' Add on the other hand I was thinking 'I hope this damn thing bites me, so I can sue the dumbass bitch of an owner and make her and those spoiled little brats live on the streets with nothing more than loin clothes and boxes.' I know that sounds kind of harsh. But come on, the least you could do is keep the self-damned lesser beast away from me, even after I YELLED 'please come get your dog,' THREE TIMES. How'd you like it, bitch, if the next time YOU walked by MY house I ran out in the street and started yelling at you?

THAT IS NOT THE FIRST TIME THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME ON THAT STREET. One time I was walking and this one dog, reminds me alot of Kelly's dog mentioned above, just comes trotting up to me. No color, no owner coming after it. Just a dog coming up to me and sniffing around me feet, my legs, MY ASS. So I continued walking and I was almost to the corner and this thing was still following me. I swear if it had followed me home I would have called the game warden. Keep track of your animals, morons. There's another house on this street with two rottweilers. These things aren't chained up. They have this invisible fence. Those things don't work. Maybe little puppies that are two little to go outside anyway. Luckily they have only gotten out once, and luckily their owners were right behind them. I have to give these people credit. Even though they are dumb enough to have dogs, at least they keep them from mauling innocent passersby.

In conclusion, the only things dogs do is use up our precious oxygen. People, if you have a dog, do us all a favor and drop them from an airplane into the Indian Ocean.

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