jessfic2

The night was still and clear over the desert, the cloudless sky spilling across the tops of the pyramids like a length of ebony velvet. The high, peerless towers of the tombs had an almost ethereal glow about them in the silvery light, casting eerie shadows on the pale sand below.

Her footsteps made no sound as she walked slowly, fighting the urge to turn around and run. Even though she had vowed she would never come back to this place, some inner voice far stronger than her own iron will forced her to put one foot in front of the other. Her silken gown trailed in the soft sand, but she paid it no heed, lifting the long, flowing veil from over her hair to tip her face to the moonlight.

She stood facing the tallest of the pyramids, a slender column of white among the monochromatic golden landscape. A red tendril of hair blew softly across her face, and as she brushed it away she was almost surprised to find that her cheeks were damp.

It had been a year, a year since she had been here last. The days had been endless, a vicious cycle of sunrises and sunsets and hazy remembrances of pain and tears that never seemed to stop. A year that took away so much, and gave so little in return. And now, as suddenly as it had been slow, the day she dreaded most was upon her.

Happy Anniversary, Mrs. Summers.

She knelt in the sand, sifting it through her hands in a unconsciously macabre imitation of an hourglass...time slipping through her fingers in an endless mockery of what she had, and what she lost.

The soft silk of her skirt pooled out around her like a moonbeam, the veil falling around her shoulders as her crimson hair spilled out over her bare skin, a lick of fire in the quiet air.

"Oh, Scott," she whispered brokenly, bowing her head as another tear trickled from her jade green eyes. She absently traced a heart in the sand with one finger, watching as the dune she knelt upon swallowed up the shape almost as soon as she traced it.

"How fitting," she murmured to herself. "Nothing lasts...not here...not ever."
She lifted her left hand to the air, the single diamond winking among the brightest of stars in the sky. She had never taken it off, not since the day he put it on her finger, not since the day he placed an unbroken band of gold beside it. Even with it now as a conscious reminder of her loss, being without it would have only made the gaping hole in her heart more raw, more consciously felt. The pain hadn't really faded, she hadn't really gotten used to it, but as the days flowed past the ache got more and more dull...she grew more and more numb.

"I never guessed it would hurt this much, Scott..." she sighed, shaking her head. "How did you do it, how did you wake up every day without me?"

She had left him alone countless times, sacrificing herself for dreams she didn't always share, visions in which she was a mere player, a selfless method to the madness. But always, he had prevailed--he moved on, he...married again...worked, lived. Somehow, he was able to keep on going without her by his side.

How could she possibly find that kind of strength, when he was the pillar she had grown accustomed to leaning on?

Her mind played his last moments in an endless loop, the determination on his face, the apology in his eyes, the utter regret and love that flooded through their rapport before there was...nothing. Pain. Blackness. Nothing.

"Why?" she whispered to the wind. "Why, why when I need you so much?"

Anger overcame her then, and her tightly clenched fist flared with cosmic fire as she thumped it uselessly into the dune underneath her. The sands beneath burnt away as the fiery stigmata of the Phoenix embossed itself across the desert, reminding of how little it had helped her when the chips were down.

"Oh, Scott...I miss you so much!" she cried softly, bowing her head. "Why couldn't I help you? Why couldn't I...?"

A torrent of tears fell to the ground, cushioned by the long, soft skirt of her dress--her wedding gown. It felt like decades ago that she had worn it, holding hands with Scott and pledging her vow to cherish him until death they did part.

And part them it did.

Memories were cruel to a woman who loved as intensely as she did, a woman who could reach deep inside her mind and remember exactly how it felt to be loved by a man. She could feel the utter joy that emanated from him still, the day he made her his wife at long last.

The anniversary of their marriage had almost torn her apart, the day drawn out by the absolute dread that enveloped her dead heart.

She had thought nothing could hurt quite so keenly, wishing she had known before how much pain a happy memory could cause. She clung to her solitude, wearing it like a shield of pride, rejecting everyone left who loved her and focusing her whole being on the one who had loved her the most, the most unconditionally and the most passionately.

No one would have ever believed her if she had told them what a passionate man he was, the kind of man who could turn her day right with one touch of his lips, the man who could show her ecstasy as easily as he could show her peace. No one ever knew the poignantly beautiful side of him, the side he easily hid behind his All-American stoicism. No one but her.

She felt she would surely do anything if she could only touch him, just one last time, look into his eyes and let him feel how much she loved him, how she missed him. In the brief seconds it took her to realize his intentions, her mind had frozen, crying out in an endless loop of heartbreak. She had missed her chance to say goodbye, and she would sell her soul to buy back the precious moment.

She touched the sand once more gently, almost reverently. The sand gave way, crumbling under her fingers and running down the gradual slope of the dune. Her hand touched something cold, something hard, and she grasped at it involuntarily. As she opened her fist, the small circlet in her palm glistened in the sparse light like a nimbus. Her heart was in her throat as she lifted it to her gaze, both unsure and utterly certain of what she would find.

"For always, forever." The inscription on the inside of the ring was scratched but still readable, tiny grains of sand lodged in the flowing script. Her pulse pounded doubletime, her body responding even as her mind almost refused to process.

Her sob died on the wind as she clutched the precious band to her heart, a curious mix of delighted wonder and agonizing grief flooding her body. She stood, lifting her face to the sky and imagining his caress on the breeze.

"I love you...and I will miss you. Always," she murmured, fixing her gaze on the brightest star.

She knew, somewhere, he was shining for her.

Someday, she would find him again