index



	Musings of a rebirth:

	1) Am I what I hate in others?:
	In everything, I face the world.
	I am selfish, me, me, me.
	Is this true?
	Let us examine the evidence and see.
	True, I care only for myself.
	I pulled her fancy.
	True, all I utter is my own.
	But I`m all at sea.
	My body is changing,
	My head is all woozy.
	Try as I might, I know what I am.
	But try as I might, I can`t flee.
	Bottle neck conviction.
	No longer am I free.
	Tear drops none.
	Leafless Tree.
	Anchorless.
	Symmetry,
	None.
	Me.


	2) Awe:
	Blue Sky.
	Distant shores.
	Again we fight,
	Again into the jaws.
	Echoing with gunfire of a million barrels.
	Generals plot and plan, full of flaws.
	Don`t give a damn about poor Joe.
	Rushed job, this war.
	Remember us.
	All the chores,
	Left undone.
	The rain pours
	Through cracks
	From ceiling, more.
	Food old and stale, left.
	Bugs dine, crawl and cover
	Officers mess, 10:30 PM.
	On dirty bed, used whores.
	Drunken laughter echoing
	Bodies left, empty, sore.
	Alarm shrilly sounds.
	Rushes to the furore.
	More dead bodies.
	Blood, more gore.
	What to do.
	No thaw.
	All die


	3) Are my Emotions Too Strong?
	So here I am once again before my old friend.
	Here I lie on a used bed.
	Thoughts of plenty escape my reddened lips.
	Mirror image full of dread.
	Bedazzling woman can`t be me, can she?
	Bounteous beauty well led.
	Trieste of sorrow and woe streams fourth.
Nothing and everything said.
But worry not dear world for I will be clean.
If not I must therefore be dead.

4) My Sonig Menora Eternal:
Whispers in the wind, thin wisps caught in the breeze.
Gentle movement of subtle features, hand replaces the errant.
Warm smile catches emotion, happiness at once released.
Gracious fingers embrace the laugh, eyes sparkle in sunlight sent.
Purity of scent drifts lingeringly, vanilla radiance tingles.
Silver heart set on milky softness, electric touch here.
Presence of gentle soul sets ablaze, ecstatic and hope mingles.
Softly the giver releases and turns as sudden as though never there.
Gone, empty hand, euphoric mind.

5) Orion`s Belt and All its Memories:
Pan`s pipes drift through the garden as Diana rides high.
Her creamy horses joined by Orion and Carberis aloft.
Gentle eyes gaze memorial as wispy clouds drift;
Ebony hair remembered along with ivory flawless skin.
Tears shed fall softly on the earth as gentle soul starts to cry;
Yet why should she care if others try to sneer and mock?
For she is seeking redemption for a hurt which can never lift;
Rejected by all around she has sought a soul kindred.
The path of revelation forks into one where she must try;
Try to redress the kindness shown by every single soft
Word ever spoken by strangers in the perpetual saffron mist.
So gentle one be at ease with whom you are, and let others hint.

6) What a beautiful person once told me:
Laughter.
Smiley face.
Beautiful rosy lips.
Contented inside.
Me.

7) The World of Joy (Through Hazel Eyes):
Rochester bridge at sunset.
A warm embrace.
Trust and faith.
Friendship which never lies.
A friend long at rest.
A love of sci-fi and space.
The smile of the eternal wraith.
Orion`s belt which rests on high.
A promise well met.
Italian food full of taste.
But most of all just life itself.

8) 25 Minutes and Still no Calm:
Just imagine having a feeling so intense.
Now multiply it a thousand fold.
Try telling the world how euphoric you feel!
Can you keep the smile off your face?
Is your body electric with pure energy?
My body , mind, and soul are as one.
F all this is true, then all I can say is this:
You must be a woman, for that is what I am eternally.

9) Feelings for life:
Feel the rhythm of a true beat.
Live with me.
Feel the energy of a true friend.
Live as one.
Feel the calmness of a true ocean.
Live without fear.
Feel the oneness of a true spirit.
Live on forever.
Feel the beating of a true heart.
Live in peace.

10) A beautiful Stranger Who I Fell For:
A perfect stranger is the angel just in front of me.
Her smile lights up the table where her friends all sit.
They all greet her a true friend, for that what she is.
All I can do is sit and wonder what her name might be.
* * *
Tears flow from her soft brown eyes full of pain.
Yet here I am unable to of aid, just yearning.
At last a moment emerges and I squander everyone foolishly.
So now I linger for that chance encounter to ask and tell.
Feelings crash and roll in my heart, for I must be in love.

11) And They Call Me Cynical?
�Together we can get through this�.
�Rachel dear, I admire how 'brave` you are�.
Another club, another group of strangers.
Nothing new emerges, as per usual.
�Sex is not for you, just for 'real` people�,
Some fool once told me, hah!
�Extra, extra trannie moves onto campus!�
Xenophobia has nothing on the look in certain eyes.

12) Coming into the Light:
A gentle word is all I sought from those eyes.
Toughened tones sprung fourth from childhood`s
Once friend. Hands of strength turn and belie
The fact that I am the child of there blood.
Burning fury rests in the beating breast which towers
Above me in tear filled anguished moments.
Rejection is fuelled by re-enforcement of powers
Controlling my every essence. A flicker of time lent
My way by gracious gifts from beyond the pail.
Hair of silver and black shows signs of age,
Yet what do I care for image eternal? A grail,
Torrential, ferocious, a ravaging; wisdom of sages
But never a kind word, a warm embrace. Oh father where art thou?

13) Tender is the Smile:
A bird flew over the city.
A tear fell onto the street.
A star wished upon once.
A child born into loving arms.
A woman rising Phoenix like aloft.
A future built upon her beauty.

14) That Special Place Only We Know:
Be free my friend, put your faith in me.
Take a look around and you can see.
We are there and we are free.
All over the world they are singing of pure love.
Platonic, we are soul mates sent from above.
Supporting arms, gentle voice, like a dove.
Feeling free we rest in peace;
Happiness personified, time freezes.
Forever we are; eternal ease.
Thank you; for all the warmth,
In all it`s wondrous forms.
My friend, always calm.

15) Awakening:
I feel like a thousand fingers caress my skin,
Gentle waves of pleasure break over me a I sigh.
Melting, falling, dreaming; yet still I am aware.
Aware of her, aware of the intensity, of the lying
Figure next to me. Ecstasy rocks my very foundation;
Electric, angelic. Breathe taking, in the clouds so high.
Still her I lie in limbo, drifting peacefully in happiness cry.
White roses flash before my passion glazed heavy eyes;
Then gone after what seems like a lifetime of bliss.
All I dare do is whisper for I dare not even try
To put it into reality; for I am now truly me.

16) Ode to a Very Dear Friend:
Blond hair, long and fair. Personality to match.
I am proud; to call her my friend and much more.
Listen has she when in times of woe she doth catch.
Sparkling eyes as keen as her mind`s wondrous core.
Bounteous do I find her warmth; platonic amour.
So many have found sanctuary in her gentle tones.
All I can do is thank her for my hearts renewed thaw.
Not forgetting that I am glad to have met right down to my bones

17) A week that was�
Climaxing into a state of pure euphoria. Wednesday.
Dazed. Thursday.
Dancing up till 2am helped Charlie and Victoria. Friday
Slept. Saturday.
Watched telly, candles and trance made me sleep easier. Sunday.
Essays. Monday.
Reflected on my transformation, felt scrummier. Tuesday.
Accepted. Wednesday.

18) 31:12:00 - 1:16am - Crime Reported:
You know what, right, the police are too busy.
Too busy making sure the criminal doesn`t sue.
A Manchester night, cold, some stanger stole.
Stole my life and all that I am and was; true.
False, for I will rebuild my life in the new year.
Year of hope and I shall not squander my hope anew.

19) Cave of Wonders, Without a Candle:
Here I am. Not good enough for sight.
A gentle rub, a surge of will power.
Everything is in their favour, except light.
Trapped I sit in a society built Ivory tower.
The light switch outside, out of reach to me.
My cry has echoed since before my birth.
Previous life is all but a blue moon, prey see.
So left am I in a guilted cage; eternal bed of earth.

20) How a Re-born Sees Herself:
Helequins mask full of colour covers my desire.
Smile of golden sunlight, eyes of pure radiance.
There beneath is a rotten core of smoldering fire.
Angelic persona yearns to give as a token of recompense,
Fuel of worldly disdain fails to ignite anger;
What is so wrong? Only an irrational guilt complex.
Plus an urge to feel a need to belong to a stanger.
Miracles can happen. My birth is one, but not a quick fix.

21) Like a feather�
Sweet like sugar, smile of candy radiance.
Freedom of radiant eyes, relaxing charm embodied.
Gentle fingers sooth, relaxing charm embodied.
Soft hair cascades ephervesant, outlines a nomads soul.
Ebony encased feline figurine, lithe and graceful, enfranchised.
Here she now lies, at peace in velvet softness.

22) Making Sense:
A fresh breeze blew over the land. Fair and true.
Like a lamb in spring it did bring joy. Child like innocence.
Carrying a message of hope and serenity. Let all listen.
Yet few chose to turn and dare dream. Fear filled eyes.
A dove settled on the uranium tipped shell. Excuse me?
Politicians sit in green leather chairs talking. Where is truth?
Justice died in a cold cellar with Anna. Where is honour?
Tabloid reports empower a class disenfranchised. Glad to be free?
Forests turn to deserts as humanity ponders. When will we learn?
Time and truth heal the next generation. Your child`s future.

23) Reality in D#:
Desperation.
Deluded grandeur.
Decadent, fallen leaves.
Decided fate.
Done.

24) Squires, 12:25am, Tuesday:
Painfully I sit on a brown leather couch.
Sweat glistened skin cools aching body.
Chipped nail varnish complements smudged mascara.
UV lights reveals nothing; I was never virgin white.
Crowd changes, as do bottles before my slouch.
Old PVC coat by my side, while others in lobby.
So here I sit , my sides have eased; lungs full of tar.
Danced all night, euphoric; man, I`m glad of lights.

25) A girl, and the boy she doesn`t want:
The look in her eye. Boring topic of personal affection.
Boyfriends drool slowly evaporates; lingering, unwanted.
Each kiss goes un-returned. Only doing this as a reflection.
Blond hair, flicked away with vigor; like a house haunted.
So much fuss to get at unyielding skin. More attention.
Lavish her with all your gusto; but all too soon you will be gone.

26) Unrequited water:
Tide.
Wash over.
It should cleanse.
Do you feel refreshed?
Didn`t think so.
Eternal cycle.
Ebbs.

27) Cotton Candy Superheroes:
Flying through dense clouds of blackness.
Satin encased torso glides ever onwards to destiny.
Red, blue, yellow all flash past on lookers terra bound.
Who could have encurred such fury, and our pity?
Is it fair that D.C. created worlds bewitch our youth?
Escapism is their reality; for what do we fill our cities?
Filled to the brim with cynicism experiential and despair.
Now distopia is replaced by another Marvel one; oh so ironic.
So now turn your head skyward little one and dream.
Drift among the clouds; frolic in cotton candy filled illusion.

28) Patchwork View:
Look through the social microscope at the fashion victim.
Take a look in the vanity at the shadow in front.
Now walk through the hall of mirrors and laugh out loud.
What do you now feel? Pleasure? Pain? Or utter relief?

29) To the unknown person (by Tammy for me)
People are scared of what they don`t understand,
Because it`s something unknown,
They don`t care the hurt they cause,
But you shouldn`t care;
Because through the pain you`ve grown.

30) Glowing Curtains:
Light.
Gladness surrounds.
Love reaffirmed consciousness,
Uplifting feeling.
Morning.

31) Amour et Al:
Lesbos enchanting smile.
Enraptured audience.
Freedom.
Gently touch.
Electric euphoria erupts.
Waves crash.
Starlight.
Everlasting.
One.

32) There is Always Hope:
Wind brushed limbs curl fetal like in protection.
Sun drenched face creases in tormented agony.
Loving heart breaks as eternity yearns not so far.
Sullen spirit drifts inexorably downwards.
Mysterious stranger opens up in loving warmth.
Renewed zest breaks in thankful euphoria.

33) What You Might See in Dreams:
Wings of pure down.
Linen encased.
Serenity enshrined features.
Hope cascades enveloping.
Hands of peace welcome.
Golden halo of joy.
And here am I.

34) Red Eyes in Need of a Warm Bed:
Right now I feel drained.
You see here am I amongst strangers.
Only had four hours sleep.
A cup of tea still leaves me cained.
Felt like I slept in a manger.
Just another day through which I creep.

35) Philosophical Psycho Jargon:
The question is: why?
The question will take an eternity.
So why?
Why do we think as one?
Why should we ever care?
Because�

36) A podium for pure music:
The music in my ears, rich sweetness captured.
Like ambrosia, for an eternal pantheon of deities.
Enjoyable sounds.
The world forgotten.
Tones golden.
Each one paradise.
Invisible touch.
Every nerve ablaze.
Rhythm enchants.
My mind enraptured.
Time immemorial.
The divine feeling of every sense touched and ever refreshed.
The beat has me entwined, bewitched, wanting more.

37) A whisper heard on the wind:
Neither mother nor daughter.
Neither harlot, slut, just lesbian.
No gentle hug; so we agree.
Just you`re brave, or worse.
For you see I'm TS.
Gentle Soul
Just me.
Me.

38) Aria of a Soul:
The world keeps turning,
I keep on wishing.
All the people are learning;
Yet my mind is crystal clear.
A flickering candle burning,
My thoughts never missing.
The inner one is yearning,
My heart is ever near.
* * *
The whisper; the murmuring.
I have nothing to fear.


39) The Bards Passion:
Love is as love was to those who tasted.
Purity of feelings, averse, intensity, fuel, passion.
�Love is a very many thing� as the Bard once said.
Gentle impulses, fresh, intense, beautiful; bliss, lasting.
Love is a flower that grows in tenderness and care.
Blossoming summers, fragrance envelops, sunlight, glorious.
Love is a truthful bird that asks nothing and gives all.
Sky`s so clear, crystal, dreamy clouds, meadows of youth.
Love is always and forever unforgettable in life.
Destiny over memories, continues, happy, warmth, always with me.

35) Winter`s last breath:
The loss of innocence is like the onset of winter.
Cold and bleak, dull and obtrusive, forever spoilt and debased.
Summer brightness covered by desolate greenery. A splinter
Of pain arches across the sky; once gone never to be regained.
Here we lie in a bed of thorns, craving childhood dreams minted
In photographs and pleasant dreams. Then spring returns anew.

40) Finger of Eros:
Laughter.
Magical sound.
Beautiful melody, tuned.
Breathtaking.
Happy.

41) Paradise, I am here:
So here I am; high as a kite I can`t keep still.
Fingers moving, mind on overdrive; this pen in motion.
I am a muse personified, I feel that full of dance.
Music pumps me full of movement, never get my fill.
Lucazade, Red Bull and Aftershock, are all my potions.
Round and round I keep going, forever and ever eternal.

42) I Bear Myself to You:
I put my hand on the source of life; or where it should be.
I feel empty, not a woman, not whole, barren, desolate.
My body is not my spirit, my presence is not fulfilled, is this truly me?
Self fulfillment is a miracle, but still I need to be a mother.
My lungs ache from the screams of internal knowledge. See
The eyes which are raw from the pain of never being a true self.
Everyone hears, but never comprehends the reality of life`s tree.
Roots grow and spread as spread as first born brings smiles and laughter.
Watching every first step through the window of freedom. To be free
Is to live. To live is to be whole. I can never, ever, be whole.
Destiny has seen fit to make me defective of body, never any glee.
Seen through bright mind. All the strangers ask, and try to hear.
All answers fall on a society straightened mind; unable to foresee
My arms with a baby, unable to picture tender kisses on cheek.
Lonely I drift by as strength of will drags me through the sea
Of days. Is it so much to dream of that I will one day sit
In the pantheon of womanhood? I beg to be let in, but my key
Will not fit the lock. Fate, the furies, even the muses, all
Demand the I will forever be destined to be a mystery
To 'proper` people. God forgives, and he comforts. Amen.

43) A Perspective I Never Thought I`d Have:
I press each one out one by one.
Feelings, none, just numbness
I stare at the empty packets.
The knowledge that I can do this scares.
Green jacket signals rescue, friendship.
No regrets, what would be the point?
Only guilt at not succeeding.
People ask why?
I can`t put words on the right phrases.
I am thankful I did not have a knife.
It would have been too messy.
So here I sit, the morning after.
I can`t even describe it to myself.
I know I must go on.
I survived.
Some don`t.
I understand.

44) A Note To Myself:
Sorry.
Sorry for all I put you through.
Scared.
Scared of the future I now have.
Guilty.
Guilty that I survived, and I shouldn`t have.
Glad.
Glad to still be alive.
Changed.
Changed forever inside, not out.

45) 36 Hours
Frightened by the power of my soul.
Frightened by the fact I can do this to myself.
Frightened by a worthless feeling.
* * *
Afraid that I now must go on.
Afraid that now I must learn to trust.
Afraid that I might do it again.
* * *
Scared by an emotionless clarity.
Scared by my utterly clinical approach.
Scared by nothing, and everything

46) The Dark Side of my Soul:
I feel so angry with all that is to do with my actions.
I know that what I did was the easy way out.
My mind is abhorred, in total fraction.
I just want to let it all flow, at myself shout.
I keep asking why? No distraction.
No smile, no warmth, no sultry pout.
From this I must gain no satisfaction.
Yet I must never forget what it`s truly all about.

47) Jan:
Fire.
Passionate we dance.
Beauty.
Beyond everyone else.
Amour.
Her eyes tell it all.
Lust.
Pure unadulterated intensity.
Unleashed.
I hope forever and eternal.

48) Started Friday, Finished Monday:
So what am I doing this time? Ask NHS direct.
The whole day defective in limb; sleep numbed spirit.
So here I am.
Tired exhausted, forty eight hour bender�
No DVT, just too much clubbing, four day weekender.

49) Cello Supremo:
I feel inspired. His majesty is so graceful.
Effortless he glides through music I`ve only dreamed.
Prodigy downed wings soar with each note he strikes.
Eyes wide shut he feels, rather than reads, the flow.
Awe froths and bubbles through my envigoured mind stream.
Renewed zest springs fourth as my pen reflects his face.

50) Only he can Make me Cry:
Dream tired hand. Perhaps he will so speak.
Wanton words never heard. Tear stained cheeks reflected.
Far off hillside looks so inviting. Why is he so paramount?
Ask a puberty struggling youth. His dreams dashed totally.
Imagine your name never called. Now try not to cry.
Ah well what can I do? Nout, zip, zero.

51) BBC News 24:
�Bastards!�
Crying mother grieves for lost child.
�Help me��
Rescuers struggle to free trapped child.
�Please��
Police burst in and save kidnapped child.
�Stand up!�
Marshall Mathers blares to ignorant American child.
�Why?�
Parents fail to grasp reason for never forgotten child.

52) Tree Hugger:
So there you are, chained to an ancient oak.
Point being? What possible reason could you have?
You think middle England gives a damn?
�Tea and toast?� Front page news in Telegraph.
Tomorrows fish and chips wrapper. Pleased?
Now the officer cuts you free. Criminal record.
Lost options. Not that you care. Road bypasses sucks.

53) Down by The Shore:
He stood by the shore and watched each wave.
Lapping at his feet the surf gurgled like a newborn.
Rags of scarlet cast delicate shadows across his features.
Cry of single gull falls deaf on his bruised head shawn.
She found the battered body on the soft gold that was his grave.

54) A Phone Call Made:
Belong. No, more than that. Entrenched. Not quite.
Red cheeks rising.
Tired. In spirit still free. Honesty, eternal feelings.
Soft voice crying.
Broken. Yet unbowed in presence. Empty, desolate contrition.
Gentle hand held.
Renewed. Zest returns at last. Eyes, enlightened again.
Broken heart healed.

55) My Muse:
She is a true friend.
She touches me with inspiration.
She smiles upon my wilting hand.
She gives and never asks.
She is as eternal as my imagination.
She haunts my dreams with her presence.
She weaves a spell and works her magic


57) The Power of Music:
United.
David Grey Echoes.
Unity.
Orion drifts through.
�If you want it��
Saturday.
�A Love Supreme��
Robbie.
Each note perfection.
Everyone.
Audience recognition pleases.

58) Slip into the Stream:
Fuel for my emotive state. Number inside.
I write to regain my feeling of self. Fluid pen marks.
Mirrored proportions warp my ego. I know not relief.
Induced trauma flows from wounds. Razor drops onto floor silently.

59) Framed Innocence:
Drift away pretty angel. Sleep forever at peace.
Cruel world no more.
Ignorant no bodies hurl meaningless abuse.
Curled fetal on floor.
Beautiful dress stained, soiled with beer, debased.
No key for the door.
Olive branch shredded as offer for peace refused.
Bloodied waves lap shore.

60) You know I`m High When I Use My Feet:
Euphoria.
Uplifting for my soul.
Move.
Like quicksilver I dance.
Flame.
Ever building pleasure inside.
Erupt.
Pure orgasmic energy released.
Instant.
Five minutes then gone.
Peaked.
Always and yet finite.

61) 70`s, 80`s, 90`s et al.:
Rolling.
Stone like stiffness.
Rocking.
Gathering pace forever.
Grass.
Smoked and pressed.
Blur.
Ever onwards, you.

62) Sappho Within My Soul:
Screams of passion stir within my soul.
Each kiss, caress, touch lights me up inside.
Burning, electric, trotured, pleasured, ever building.
Just one spotlights up like a super nova.
Volcanic intensity is at the end of the blue touch paper.
The look in my eyes tells her all she needs to know.

63) Fith, Trust; Eternal Bond:
Trust my calming voice.
I will do no harm.
Take my offered hand.
I will be your rock.
Take my gentle soul.
I will be your solice.
Take my bountious love.
I will forver care.

64) World Wide Wonders:
Pen marks etch each moment into eternity.
All the remarkeble feelings which I share.
E-mail pan global friends aid and are trusted.
Tuis trust fund grows uncensored by the world.
I just hope it never matures too soon.

65) From Charlie to me:
Will you be my Sampson?
I`ll be your Delila.
I`ll be your typical Black widow spider.
If you want I`ll be your Jezabel,
And drag you into my firey hell.

66) The Tower that Icarus Built:
So here I am again in a bed of ashes.
Fallen angel with blackened singed wings.
I flew too close to the perenial star above.
Soaring falcon dreams scourched and scattered.
Sprirerling downward like a broken dove.
No peace or laud greets my mind unhinged.
So here am I as one with dust as memories flashes.

67) The Flicker of a Strobe Light:
Sunken feelings sit un-spoken deep inside.
Fruitlessly I wonder.
No hand held, no kiss exchanged, no feelings warm.
Gracious are my friends.
Drifting eyes see beauty; but they see broken dreams.
So my beginning ends.
Searching for, hoping for, pinning for etheral enchantment.
Robes cut asunder.
Dream little one, for your birth was not in vain.

68) Pylons, Pounds, and Passion:
Alert! Mad raving dyke on site! Ahhh!
Lock up your daughters, arm your sons with guns.
Be warned, shoot on sight. Uncontrollable rabid bitch.
Woof! Woof! Flame red hair ignites smouldering passions
Deep down inside her. Vocanic fury froths and boils;
Tsunami like energy released from your very core.
Each touch more explosive than the last. Electric
Amour brushes up against your very essence.
Alert! Mad raving dyke on skin! Mmm!
Lock up your feelings, arm your mind with math.
Be warned, touch on sight. Uncontrollable sensual woman.

69) Fusion of body over mind:
Crave me.
Desire my touch.
Obsession personified.
Sup at my breast.
Fantasise eternally.
Sheer pleasure encapsulated.
Wanton passion.
Unbridalled sensate eruptions.
Inferno unleashed.
Us; me, you.

Hosted by www.Geocities.ws