When an actress saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Tennis players don't marry because Love means nothing to them.

It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

Once you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.

When the electricity went off during a storm at a school the students were de-lighted.

I used to be a tap dancer until I fell in the sink.

The poet had written better poems, but he'd also written verse.

The cowboy reached for his gun and then drew a blank.

If we don't conserve water we could go from one ex-stream to another.

Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

When chemists die, we barium.

He wears glasses during math because it improves division.

He had a photographic memory that was never developed.

Alcohol and calculus don't mix so don't drink and derive.

The one who invented the door-knocker got a No-bell prize.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.

When a college dormitory exploded a lot of roomers we�re flying.

The magician got so mad he pulled his hare out.

An auctioneer often looks forbidding.

A criminal's best asset is his lie ability.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

A backwards poet writes inverse.

A long knife has been invented that cuts four loaves of bread at the same time, it�s called a four loaf cleaver.

A cardboard belt would be a waist of paper.

Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.

Old pirates retire and grow corn for a buck an ear.

A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
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