Knowledge
For Odeena
Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain belongs to Edios and
Warning: it has to be said . . . . This
fic contains YAOI (GuyXGuy), blood
play and a lemon, if this offends or upsets you do not read this, it’s that
simple. Please also note it contains Possible
If you
choose to avoid any of these things the back button is right there for your use
and I hope you find what you are looking for. By continuing and reading you are
acknowledging the above information and accepting it.
Pairing:
Kain/Raziel
Rating:
NC-17
Part:
One of One
Set: post Blood Omen Pre Soul Reaver
Authoress
note/Dedications:
It is not unusual for me to dedicate my fics to my beta reader; but this time
it is different. The fic was written as a way of thanking her for a little over
a year’s hard work and to wish her the best of luck in the future. Without her my
past fics would be illegible and of a much poorer quality.
Thanks
love and best of luck.
Knowledge
For Odeena
{Kain}
“I have seen
the future Kain and you’re not in it.”
Although at the time I
brushed Moebius’ words off with a snide comment they have been flowing cold in
my veins like ice for nearly five hundred years. When I managed to find my way
into his caves once more I was determined to discover what he claimed to have
seen and even more determined to prove him wrong in his prediction. Working my
way through the labyrinth of tunnels which is no longer patrolled by daemons
but the stench of them has remained, I finally after many frustrating moments
found myself in Moebius’ chamber where his scurrying pool still stood, exactly
as he had left it. I have always been told my temper would get me into trouble,
first by my mortal mother, later by Vorador; the decedent old fool had loved to
lecture me on ‘a little something called
self restraint’. But when in my anger I lashed out at the ridiculous scurrying
pool kicking it against the wall I unwittingly unlocked something of a secret
passageway and then truly discovered how Moebius saw the future. The time
stream laid bare before me; I had at the time believed
this to be the solution to my ‘little problem’ but it has only caused me more
despair.
I stand now on the peak of
Moebius’ little mountain watching Nosgoth die and feel the death inside myself
as the knowledge of what will come to pass settles itself in my mind. Perhaps I
feel the lands death a little more keenly tonight, or maybe not, maybe
something inside myself is dying. After all I have up
until tonight held hope that I will be able to save this land, I have had hope
that I will stand one day and look down on a land which is once again fruitful
and lush. But now I fear my hope is dead, the time streaming device has
inflicted a fatal wound in what remains of my soul. It has been many centuries
since I discovered my life was threatened by that ‘creature’, I discovered that
little trinket of information months before I raised Raziel, it is as some say
‘old news’. I have hence forth from that night devoted a large fraction of my
time to finding a way to destroy it before it destroys me, and now it stings me
to know that I can easily destroy it but also that I will not; for this night I
have discovered just who that creature really is.
Raziel. My first born. My childe.
My life will be taken by my
son
It seems I have to be
taught the same lesson more than once before it will settle in my stubborn
mind. I have once before been taught that when you allow someone close to you
they will try to destroy you, but it seems where Sebastian failed Raziel will
succeed. But it is not that knowledge alone that disturbs me, what disturbs me
far more is the knowledge that I will let him. While my mind runs through
scenarios of how I could destroy my child, perhaps by fire I truly know that
the day when I raise my hand to him will never come. Even if he comes . . .
when he comes at me in anger I cannot imagine myself truly lashing out with the
intent to destroy him, I may when the time comes strike at him but I know it
will simply be for show, my pride will not allow anything else.
The question of ‘why’
circles endlessly in my mind, often joined by its brother ‘how’. How did Raziel
become that thing? Why would Raziel come at me in anger? What could I do to him
so terrible for him to truly wish my death? I wonder briefly what horror fate
has in store to inflict on my child but shaking the thought from my mind I look
to the east, the sun will not rise for a good while yet and I have been absent
from my home for far to long, with a simple thought my form comes apart and a
great many bats flit through the night sky.
While part of me yearns for
the comfort of my home a larger part is loath to return. I have always
considered myself a practical man by nature and right now that practical part
of me is screaming for my eldest child’s blood, in my mouth on my hands it
matters not; self preservation is hard to ignore. I spin in the air and head
higher above the clouds, the moisture stings and for a moment I hover in the
clouds letting them burn me before turning higher, wondering if I fly high
enough then shift back would I die. I smile as all the tiny forms come to me
and meld into one, there is a moment of nauseating dizziness as I rejoin and
become myself but it clears and I am falling. The bitter wind stings my eyes
forcing blood tears from them as I hurtle down at a frighteningly fast speed;
the ground races up to meet me, to catch me but before the ground can catch me
from my fall my body separates again and once more I am air born.
It was a stupid stunt to
pull but for a few moments the weight on my mind is lighter, the adrenalin
leaves me giddy and my bats spiral in the sky, but the giddiness fades quickly
as I spot the sanctuary loaming in the distance. How am I going to even be able
to look at him now? Knowing what I know, I circle the sanctuary once, he is
here, he’s always here, every time I vanish into the
mountains he comes here and waits for me to come back to him. Instead of going to his room as I usually do I
when I return I land on my own balcony, the dizziness returns as I pull myself
together and I sway momentarily. Regaining my feet I turn and look out over
Nosgoth, the thought of worth comes to me, what has more worth to me my land,
my life or my childe.
The door opens and I know it’s
him; he sighs as if unhappy and I realise he has not come here because he saw
me return he is here for something else, unknowing of my presence. Pathetically
I move to the side into shadow and take a moment to just watch him, he moves
through the room as if I was dead, claws touching on everything, running gently
over soft wood and dancing over trinkets laid out on tops of drawers and
cabinets; absently he lifts a tome I left on the bed, ancient and dog-eared, it
was perhaps the first one Vorador gave me. He gave me many books all detailing
prophecies past by creatures long gone from this world, it had confused me at
first but I found myself intrigued; now I just wonder how much did that ancient
beast know about what I really am, about what my childe is. Raziel places the
book onto a table and collapses backwards onto the bed, rolling into the middle
and curling there, face buried in one of the pillows.
He misses me, I find myself
less surprised at this than I used to be
His genuine affection
towards me used to off-foot me a lot when we were both younger, I was
continually expecting to wake one night with a hoard of Serefan surrounding me
with him laughing at how he ‘duped’ me along with soft words and softer
touches. I wonder to myself when did I stop expecting
the blade to bury itself in my back at his hand. I remember when I first raised
him, small and hopeless he would have died without me; even then I believed him
a threat, a necessary threat but a threat none the less and I was wary of him.
I cannot pinpoint the time when I stopped being wary of him but that time must
have come because I am no longer surprised by his unadulterated affection and I
was surprised to learn he would be my undoing. His breathing is even now,
asleep so quickly, I smirk and shake my head, I had believed him exaggerating
when he said he slept better in my bed, I now see otherwise.
I slip in from the balcony
still watching him when I am hit by a sudden sureness of my future actions; it
is clear to me that something must happen that will change him from my
fledgling into that wraith, my course suddenly seems so simple now; I will stop
it. I will protect him from what ever evil wishes to twist and deform him,
nothing will lay hand nor claw on him ever. I smirk at my own thoughts, I must sound like a fool, to be so protective of a
creature more than able to take care of himself. But he is my childe, absently I reach down and run clawed talons through
his hair the action despite its gentility rouses him. He opens bleary eyes at
me and blinks for a few moments before a ridiculous grin spits his face.
“You’re home,” the words
are muffled against my shoulder, he can move fast when it suits him. Almost
without thought my own arms reach up and wrap around him, my face turns to bury
my nose in his hair;
I have missed him, my body
aches for him as it always does when I am absent from here, and I can feel a
reflected need in him pressing against my stomach as he kneels up against me;
but it is more than that, more than the pulsing heat, the want to have him. I
find that I have missed ‘him’ not just his body, I have missed his rather odd
attempts at humour, his un-vampire like tendencies and perhaps more
surprisingly I have missed his childish tantrums. I tighten my grip against him
not caring for a moment just how pathetic it is for me to have been brought to
such a weakness by one so frail in comparison to myself. I imagine for a moment
what my life would be like if he wasn’t here, true it would be longer than the
future has predicted but it would be . . . empty. Despite the fact that my
softer emotions are a weakness I don’t think I wish to be rid of them, to
become the rage filled creature I became during my time in Meridian; for once
my rage abated I was left hollow and alone, it is not something I wish to
repeat ever.
He pulls back slightly and
against my will my grip tightens preventing him from pulling back, he makes a
small delighted sound and settles more firmly against me, clinging to me like I
were the last creature alive. I turn my head and rest my mouth on his shoulder
and sigh; he will destroy me, kill me but without him I would also die. It
seems fate has thought of everything in its attempt to remove me. He pulls back
more strongly at my sigh and I let him, he sits back and I look down at him; we
are silent for a long moment before I find I cannot keep his gaze. Often when I
had first raised him I could not meet his eyes, couldn’t stand the open honesty
in them and now it is the same. He pushes me back a few steps and stands so my
height is not so much a barrier to him, still I look away from him.
“You found it didn’t you?”
he mutters taking my chin is his hand, tilting my head to look at him, I allow
him to do so and meet his eyes with my own “was it what you expected? Was it
worth it?” he asks, hints of anger in his voice.
“Do you know me so well?” I
manage a fragile smile but it only lasts a second, I watch half intrigued as
his expression changes from confusion to pity to fear, his hand still holding
my face is shaking now, he opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out, it
takes him a moment to force his vocal cords to work
“Something in you has
died,” he stammers.
Perceptive bastard, he
truly does know me, more than Vorador ever did, more than Sebastian, more than
anyone.
I mutter something under my
breath and he knows well enough not to press the issue further. Instead he
looks at me for a moment and leans forward planting a chaste kiss against my
mouth, he smiles when I return it and I press against him harder. He purrs and pressed
against me harder making me painfully aware of what he wanted; absently I
wonder whether this is right anymore, should I be doing this when I know what
the future wishes to bring. I swallow hard, my body knows exactly what it wants
and is making its own wants known clearly my hips jerk at the sudden contact
and my unneeded breath hisses out of me. If the future has its way he will hate
me soon, he will try frantically to destroy me so . . . I can afford to be
indulgent.
I
groaned my consent and pressed back against him, he did not hesitate, and I did
not expect him to. All at once his body was pressed up firmer against mine, the
flesh of his bare chest impossibly smooth and firm against my own, unnaturally
warm he must have fed this night before retiring here. My mind screeched at me
the wrongness of this, that I was taking advantage of his ignorance but I
ignored it. His clawed hand found my jaw and brought it into contact with his
own with a harsh desperate need that he always held after I had been away; his
mouth was docile while at the same time insistent if such a thing is possible,
he burned and knew exactly what he wanted from me, pleading me yet demanding it
also. I heard myself growl in response only half aware that I had done so, letting
my tongue trace his closed lips and slip between them. I felt myself shudder
against him; I needed him just as much as he I. I needed him, his body and any
physical favor he would freely give but also I needed him . . . his soul, the
part of him that made him miss me, the part of him that made him trust me when
no other ever has. The part of him that made him love
me.
When
the kiss finally broke beneath its own weight, he pulled back, letting his eyes
rest on me for a moment, as if assuring himself that it was truly I who stood
before him. His eyes narrowed lustfully, mirroring my own, causing me to smile
ever so slightly. Once more my mind screamed reason at me and for the final
time I ignored it. He ran his thumb over my lip, and I kissed him brutally,
letting a little more of myself slip, now that the
forbidden was well and truly breached. My hand moved up from his shoulders to
his hair and his mouth moved down from mine, down across my jaw, down m throat,
I couldn’t stop the hairs on the back of my neck standing up when he did that.
Teeth scraped over skin, rough then gentle the rough again; his touch had a
rough finesse that I have always enjoyed and has always raised my hedonistic
tendencies, digging my claws into his scalp I dragged his mouth back to mine,
my own desperation near matching his.
As
if sensing my change he drew back and looked to me, a small sultry smile on his
face as if proud he’d done this to me, destroyed my so well placed mask with a
few simple touches. In that strange moment I saw how he would be my undoing,
how he would pursue me mindless to the extent of all else how one day I would
stand before him still confused while he destroyed me. But I could destroy him, he’s fragile now, defenseless against he. While my mind
drifted he had shifted his weight and the sensation of warm, worn leather
against my crotch brought me back to reality. He leaned forward once more,
grinding into me, carelessly inviting devastation.
“Love
me,” his voice was little more than breath
I
met his gaze and all thought stopped for that split moment, as golden eyes
melted and in there place appeared glowing soul fire, burning at me with hatred
and grief; something unspoken and beyond understanding flickered in the air
between us but it was broken when my traitorous body convulsed as he moved his
thigh against me, determined to bring my attention back to him. I put my hands
on his hips and drew he to me once more, crushing our
mouths together. He looked exceedingly smug as I did so, casually falling
backwards dragging me onto the bed. I didn’t resist, falling back, resting on
my elbows, over him.
Claws
made quick work of the lacings on my pants and as I slid them from myself his own made a disappearing act. I turned back to him and
almost yelped in mild surprise as his hands grabbed my shoulders twisting, I
allowed him to push me back and settle himself over me as I held my weight on
my elbows his hands resting on my thighs, pressing me into the voluminous
bedding. I smirked as he looked at me as though he had not seen me in a
lifetime and I heard him breathe out, almost reverently. I had grown used to
the small honest tokens of affection he would give me but it still made me
uneasy when he would look at me as if I were the most valuable thing in all
creation; even Sebastian who claimed to love me never looked at me like that. I
blinked when his hands once more brought me from my thoughts, moving slowly
along my thighs, spreading them, I shivered again I could feel him perfectly,
small calluses gently rubbing over my skin, the heat that seemed to be pounding
from him and the sharp digs as small claws dug into flesh.
His
fingers grazed my member, I arched into his hands almost purring, wanting more
soft touches but also hating them, we both knew neither would last, it was
always like this when I had been in Moebius’ caves and if these touches
continued I would spill myself before having felt his insides around me.
Looking down, I met his eyes, and saw that he smiled,
it stopped my words in my throat. He tightened her grip, experimentally, watching
my face as he did so, I closed my eyes against him and tried through sheer
force of will to calm myself and make him stop. As I felt his touches lighten I
let my breath out in a relieved rush and was about to re-open my eyes when he
slid his tongue hotly across me, causing tremors, taunting the flushed skin
before swallowing it whole. His mouth warm, wet and encompassing, his claws
clenched the rise of my hips, as he subjected me to the ruthless adulation of his
lips and tongue, claws suddenly driving beneath me to grasp my backside,
bracing me beneath him. His mouth, ravenous, if he could devour
me alive. Twining my claws into his hair I managed to tear him away,
“Monster,”
I breathed when I was able “what are you trying to do to me.”
“You
don’t know?” he asked innocently, “why I . . .,” his words were cut short as I
rolled, pinning him beneath me, grinding myself against him making him whine. “I
know,” he murmured. “you don’t have to tell me.”
I
was never comfortable with pillow talk; Sebastian had tried to encourage it in
me but had failed miserably he only realized this after I had laughed in his
face at his mutterings several times and had twice threatened a gag. Raziel
knew my dislike and accepted it like he had simply accepted so much else, never
trying to twist my arm around anything, he was content and it was that I never
understood. No one is perfect least of all myself why
then did he act as though I was?
Looking
down I ran claws over his upper arm, tracing the muscles of it. He shivered and
hissed at me when my mouth trailed across his shoulders and down his chest.
“For
the love of Nosgoth don’t go slow,” he begged as I nipped at his nipple making
him gasp, I nipped again soothing the abused bud a moment later with my tongue
“do you intend to drag this out, you beautiful idiot?” he demanded, I hissed at
the phrase and bit hard, drawing blood lapping it away before looking up at him
“You
intend to order me child?” I asked he looked for a moment as if he would before
shaking his head and leaning back. But he was right, tonight was not a night
for slow, later there would be time, time for us to take our time, to go slow,
to be intense but now it was as it was every time I returned, fast, needy and
brutal. His body hummed with intensity and heat against the cool resonance of
my own, as I rose up slightly and leaned in, intersecting the widening delta of
his thighs. Absently I reached over and down, the floor beside the small table
that served as a bed side, oil. I rose back up and he blinked at me as if
confused then noting the oil he sighed as if impatient.
“You’d
rather not?” I asked smirking he pulled a face making me smile properly; it was
incredible just how childish he could be at times and at the strangest moments
to. But he lost his childish pout when slicked claws found his opening and
pushed in, he winced at first but relaxed almost instantly his body used to
this treatment and craving it. I knew exactly where to touch on, knowing his
insides better than he did but in an almost playful fancy I avoided the point
that would cause him to cry out and press against me and instead focused on
stretching him.
“you’re
doing it on purpose aren’t you,” he growled after a moment, I smirked and cast
my feigned ignorance aside and stroked across the small protrusion inside him,
he yelped and thrust himself back on me hard enough to almost knock me over. I
felt a tightening in my own loins then at his actions and gritted my teeth
against it, closing my eyes the sight enough to draw me close, I had indeed
been away to long this time. “please,” he hissed after
a moment, it was sooner than I would have liked but nearly long enough to drive
me insane.
Drawing
out of him I moved over him, his chest was heaving beneath me his legs winding
around my hips but despite this I took a moment to just look at him and found
myself shaking my head at the incredulousness of the time stream this creature
could not be the one to destroy me, it just couldn’t and even if it was I
wouldn’t let him become that thing, I would keep him, he was mine and no one
was taking him but me. He groaned loudly at my slowness and suddenly pushed
back with a roughness that both gratified and surprised me, and I exhaled in a
hiss, feeling the tightness and heat swallow me as his mouth had moments before.
He
flexed his hips against me when I came to rest inside of him, urging my
movements, but I couldn’t stop shaking, my eyes stung and I blinked rapidly and
forced thoughts of time and future out from my mind and focused on the
amazingly demanding child beneath me.
His
fingers crept over my lower back, easing slowly downward, cresting the warm
upslope of my backside before sliding down to rest on my thighs. He then
shifted suddenly, a violent movement that brought us closer tighter, pressed
together more firmly and I began to move.
His
hands ran over my thighs, caressing as I grew more brutal in my movements,
causing us to almost hit together, the clipped, solid contact of flesh against
flesh, as my hands found his hips and pulled him back with each movement I made.
My hair had fallen forward veiling my eyes blocking my sight, absently I threw
back my head, letting it fall away from my face, and I saw his features once
more. I shuddered again each pull of bittersweet
pleasure, taunting me, spiraling blackly toward ruin.
“Kain,” he gasped, his eyes wide, lightening
shot through my veins, he so rarely used my name, always ‘father’ or ‘my lord’ so
rarely ‘Kain’. His eyes narrowed
knowingly and he smirked.
“Kain,”
he repeated, intently.
“What
do you want?” I demanded looking at him, he expression gave his want away and
as he opened his mouth to speak I trust into him harder, his words became a
desperate mewl and absently I wondered who would hear this time.
I
winced in pity as he struck the headboard, the sound and brutal in my ears but
is cries were not pained. I pressed forward harder sharper, taut-hipped and
merciless, the pleasure intensified and remade with each brute thrust. He released
his grip on me and reached for the headboard, and grasped the top of it firmly,
using it for leverage, while I dragged his hips back onto me with each trust. I
was struck by a understanding at that moment, one that
pained me, one that I would never forget, no matter what transpired between or
around us, if the wraith came or not I would never forget this. This was union,
it was as close as we could ever be, and that here, and only here, would I ever
know clarity and balance. Without him I was lost.
I
released his hips in that moment and pressed my weight own
firmer on him, pressing our entire bodies together and closed my mouth over his
my hair falling against him, as his fingers dug into my flesh, hard enough to
leave bruises that would be gone before we woke later. I heard him moan and
knew with sudden clarity how close we both were and I moaned, unable to staunch
my reaction, my mind and my body lost to me, every muscle responding to a power
far more compelling than mine. I arched down into him, as ecstasy gripped me by
the throat, contracting, imploding. He cried out, a guttural sound, his arms
tightened around me to the point of pain, pain born of passion. His cry died
quickly and he sounded as if he were sobbing into me shoulder as his body
convulsed around me and spasmed beneath me. His hips bucked furiously, pushing
us through to the bitter end of our ordeal, her shoulders heaving with the
convulsions of an unknown storm.
* * *
I watch him now in the dull
light that manages to seep through the heavy drapes; he sleeps curled tight
against my side, claws digging deep as he grips me tight enough to break the
skin should I attempt to move. It’s almost as if he thinks I would flee from
him in the day light; my mind wanders slightly wondering if there will truly be
a time when I will flee him. I have never run from anything, it would be
strange to start running from my own blood and it would be a chase I would
lose.
For years I have plotted
the downfall of the wretch sent to bring my end; decades even, playing out
every possible scenario working out what my own actions should be. I could kill
him now; he’s still small, far too weak to stop me should I choose to destroy
him; I should, I should destroy him before he destroys me and with me Nosgoth.
Absently my right hand moves, claws wrapping around the soft flesh of his
throat, tightening ever so slightly. He lets out a
breath and moves, but he is not moving to escape, instead he leans in to my
action; so trusting, the only one who has ever been so with me. With a sigh I
release him and watch as he mumbles some nonsensical words and curls if
possible tighter against me; ridiculously my mind wonders if I will get pins
and needles as he cuts off my circulation.
Absently my free hand
strokes down his side, petting him as I might a cat, and like a cat he purrs; I
smirk at the reaction and the reaction it brings in me before freezing
suddenly. In that moment everything I have been working for suddenly becomes
small and unimportant; for what would be the point in restoring Nosgoth if I
were forced to destroy him. He, who despite being stronger and faster than any
of his brethren needs me more than any of them ever would. The land and its
inhabitants suddenly are worthless, pointless; the unusually powerful want to
restore this world is being drowned out. It still remains to some degree and I
find myself still wishing for restoration but the blind panic I have been
experiencing at the thought of failure is gone, completely and utterly gone. By
no means have I given up on Nosgoth but something more important now has my
eye.
I find myself smiling.
“I might not be able to
save this world,” I breathe, watching him “but fate be damned I can bloody well
save you.”
My words almost silent as
they were cause him to stir; he blinks a few times, focusing his eyes and
turning them one me. He smiles at me a ridiculous expression, one suited best
to infants rather than vampire lords but I find myself returning it. He has
always been able to do that to me, find something that I thought I would never
believe and make it so and I love him for it. I have wanted to tell him such
for a long time, a frighteningly long time; but every attempt I make becomes a
farce. I was once told by my mother on the rare occasions where she would share
words with me that when you loved someone the words would fight you to escape,
it would cause you real physical pain to keep them inside. He yawns widely and
absently rubs at an eye with a closed fist, I find myself smiling wider at the
gesture, opening my mouth to speak he pauses as if knowing what I have to say.
But I remain silent.
Why can I not do it, heaven
knows he’s said it often enough, he seems to tell me every second breath I
take. I sigh and move to look away from his confused expression but before I
can even turn my head my chin is gripped in his claws and his mouth is pressed
against mine.
Nosgoth be damned but I
will save my son.
{Raziel}
Many centuries later
Raziel smiled as he knelt
proudly in the centre of the room, eyes fixed on his father, not even drawn to
glance at the ruined pillars behind or to smirk at a brother.
This is something special,
he knows. This will be the event that forces his father to recognise that only
he is truly worth his attention, his admiration, his love. He knew this before
the evolutionary sleep took him, he knew that he would wake and he would have
become what Kain wanted, what he needed and everything would be perfect. Kain
would forget whatever it was in the mountains that had him so enthralled, he
would forget about his other children only he would matter,
only he would be of importance.
His expression focused as
he twitched new muscles “I am better, I
am more deserving, I am the ONLY one worthy of you, Love me.” His thoughts screamed half wishing to project
into his fathers mind. He kept his gaze focused as Kain blinked at him;
confusion crossed his mind for a split second as a grief so overwhelming seemed
to flash across his fathers face. But the instant Raziel thought he saw it, it
was gone and Kain was rising from his throne. He stood as Kain approached,
keeping his wings raised so as to appear more majestic; he would be perfect for
him.
Absently his flinched as
Kain’s claws breathed over his wing membrane feather gentle and admiring.
Raziel shivered surprised at how sensitive the delicate skin was; absently
wondering what it would feel like to have them touched in a more deliberate
fashion. He couldn’t stop the sultry little smile spreading across his lips but
it faded almost instantly. He could feel his father trembling against him, hear
his heart racing, his breathing shallow and fast like a mortal finally run down
after a long hunt. Fear and exhaustion pounded of Kain and Raziel started to
twist to face him but before he could, claws closed heavily on the bones of his
wings.
“I love you.” Kain
breathed, before he ripped the fragile bones from his child’s back.
End
Authoress note: Depressing. Oh well the games are hardly duckies and
bunnies.
Please review