Between Times
Disclaimer: Legacy of Kain belongs to Edios and Crystal Dynamics not me. I am
making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a
burning need to create. Although I would like to own Vorador . . . then
he’d be mine.
Warning: this fic contains YAOI
HINTS (GuyXGuy); if this offends or upsets you do not read this, it that
simple.
Rating: PG-13 sexual references
Pairing: Kain/Raziel
Setting: Post Soul Reaver Two, Pre defiance. While Raziel is captive in
the underworld.
Summery: Captive in the underworld Raziel contemplates the events leading
to his destruction.
Authoress note: Please note that this is a STAND ALONE ficlet and is too
connected to any other in any way.
Chapter one
How
long had it been now?
How
long had he sat here in this place? This place of nothing, this empty, cold
place where the dead souls roamed weeping and crying for lost lives.
It
was cold here but he could not feel it, at least not in the same way he once
could; once the cold had made him shiver, made him uncomfortable. But now
looking back on it he had enjoyed the colder seasons; or rather he enjoyed
being protected from them. Protection from the cold had made him feel safe,
warm and wanted. Now the cold did not cause him physical discomfort, only a
strange feeling of emptiness. Nothing in the spectral realm could cause
physical discomfort. No matter how long he stayed here, how long he sat, he
knew it would not be able to harm him, not really.
He
was safe here.
Safety
was not a concept that was expected to worry him, not expected to worry one
able to kill others with so little effort.
He was a daemon, a monster, a killer; it was bizarre to find such a
creature yearning for safety, curling in on itself
wanting to cry for its parent. But despite this, safety was what Raziel craved
more than anything else, especially now that he knew his own fate; he did not
want to be swallowed by the blade, did not want to become the deranged soul
held captive in the sword and so he remained in this awful place where the
blade could not find him.
But
then wasn’t this a type of imprisonment as well, trapped here in this
cold, lonely place with only a despised creature for company; wasn’t the
blade just the same. If he became corporeal again would his death and
subsequent imprisonment in the blade really be so much worse than this
terrified hiding. Would the blade even come for him? He had been told it was
his fate to become trapped in that prison; but Kain had pulled the blade from
him, had protected him, like he had before when Raziel was but a mere
fledgling.
It
was confusing to say the least; he knew not what to feel now, the fear of
becoming that creature imprisoned inside the blade was great, so great that it
was slowly leading him into despair. But he had been protected from it once
already; he’d been protected by the one who had always protected him and
the one who had done him the most harm. It was very confusing. He did not trust
Kain, he did not want to trust Kain and after the abyss he had thought he never
would again. But his inclinations left over from the time before the abyss had
slowly been beating down his anger, his hatred, and he found himself trusting
his father without even being aware he was doing so. That strange trust had in
the end proved to be his salvation, when his father had told him to allow the
blade to swallow him he had been unable to refuse him and deep down he had know
that he would come to no harm. It was almost embarrassing to have such a
childish, blind trust in that man.
He
sighed to himself and looked up at the top of the cave he had found himself in
after he had faded to the spectral realm, it felt like a lifetime ago that Kain
had saved him but that couldn’t be so, could it? The serefan stronghold and
that moment seemed so long ago, such a long time ago. What was left of his
stomach preformed the metaphysical equivalent of growling loudly and the room
span sickeningly for a moment. He had not fed himself since his return, for the
simple reason that if he fed and became stronger the elder god may be able to
force him to shift realms and re-enter the physical plane. So he was starving
himself. He knew he could not die, not really and even if he could, death held
no real fear for him, he had died twice already and he had come through both
deaths well enough, in fact each time he died he came out the other side far
more powerful. But still he did not believe he could die anymore and the
discomfort of starvation was one he could cope with.
He
had gone hungry only once before this, when he had been new born and food was
difficult to come by, it was one of the reasons Kain had not raised all his
children together. The serefan still roamed the land even although their lord
had been put down. With the serefan roaming, the villages were well protected.
The only place to hunt in reasonable safety was the vast city of
It
was strange now to think how Kain had risked so much to bring him into the
world only to throw him into hell after his first millennium. He often wondered
to himself in the quiet times why Kain had done it, Kain who had claimed to
love him and yet he had done the unspeakable. Yet maybe Kain was not as all
knowing as he gave the impression of being, maybe he had not raised Raziel with
the intention of killing him to serve his own ends, maybe he had loved him and
had been obligated to do as he had. Raziel sighed again, he was becoming
delusional, Kain had had no problem throwing him to his death when the time had
come so why try and make excuses for his actions now and such excuses which
rested on so many ‘maybes’ were not worth thought. The simple truth
was that Kain had needed a pawn to use against Moebius and who better than the
child he had raised himself, the child who had often pledged his existence to
him, and the child who loved him and would follow him to the ends of Hell and
back again on his whim.
Raziel
glared at nothing in particular at that thought because he knew that even
through his anger and his hatred that he loved his father still and that fact
only made his anger worse. How could Kain have done this to one who loved him
so powerfully? But then, he paused thinking, after the initial hurl into the
abyss Kain had never really hurt him. Never had he really raised his hand
against him, they had fought once, in a false future in the sanctuary of the
clans, but it had been a strange fight, one neither of them was committed to,
it had been more for pride, more for shows sake than a true wish to harm the
other.
Raziel
had thought his anger was true, real and deadly but it had been proven false,
he had had his chance to kill his father. Kain had given him the reaver and bid
him do what he wished, he had tried to convince him not to harm him with words
but he had not physically defended himself. He had fallen back when Raziel had
lunged but he had not tried to truly escape, Raziel remembered seeing him at
the last moment preparing himself for the blow that would kill him and it had
at the time shocked Raziel, it had frightened him, the amount of blind faith
his father had put in him, the amount of trust that had been shown at that
point. He even found himself wanting to smile at the pathetic and nervous joke
afterwards.
“Poor William.”
Poor William indeed. It was when he was walking away
that he realized that they were not truly fighting each other, he was not
chasing Kain to kill him, he was chasing him to find
the answers he now sought with desperation. That moment in Williams
tomb had changed everything for the reaver spirit, never before had anyone
trusted him so blindly, and for that person to have been Kain, Kain who had
been ridiculously suspicious of his newborn son, Kain who expected betrayal at
every moment, Kain who had no trust for anyone. Kain had put his life willingly
in the hands of his child who claimed to hate him, claimed to desire to murder
him.
What
had changed so much since his birth that such an event was possible?
He
couldn’t remember much of his birth but he remembered enough. He
remembered the faith he had had in his father, the blind belief that this one
would protect and look after him and he remembered the undeniable love he had
held. The want to please him, the desire to grow and become everything his
father wanted; to be able to give him what he needed and wanted without him
having to ask. To make him smile. He had always wanted that and since the abyss
he had been fighting that urge, using his anger to try and dull it down, to
silence it; for why should he risk his life, his own happiness for one who
would destroy him in the end. But he had never sacrificed his own happiness,
the only times he found himself unhappy were the times when Kain would leave
him, leave the sanctuary and disappear off somewhere uncharted, every time he
came back a little less than when he left, every trip he made seemed to drain
him of something. Raziel knew now where those trips had been to, and he even
made a guess at why they had disturbed his father so.
A
sound made him look up as one of the lower forms of soul eater entered his
silent sanctuary. He debated rising to frighten it away but found himself
lacking in the energy to do so and instead just watched it as it shuffled
nosily around the small cave he now dwelt in. He could feel himself hunger for
it, could almost taste and feel the strength he would gain if he allowed
himself to kill and devour it but no, his fear stopped him, his fear of
returning, his fear of the , his fear that even if Kain choose to protect him
again he would fail and the sword would have him. He sighed and watched the
soul eater wander away, he truly missed the days when he had thought there was
nothing his father could not do, the days when he felt so safe simply being
near him, the complete and utter faith he had. He laughed a little maybe he had
never stopped being a zealot of the serefan, a strongly religious man, maybe
all that had changed was what he worshiped, he had stopped worshiping the god
of the Serefan and instead he had worshiped the God of the vampires, his
father.
The
reaver spirit grunted to himself at the irony and his own apparent unchangeable
nature, maybe he had not changed, maybe he was still the lost little fledgling
Kain had raised all those years ago. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to
remember, remember the time of his birth and the times after it, the time where
he had no fear of anything, even his father, Kain’s rages had been known
to terrify fledglings but never him, he had always gone to him even when half
mad by anger or frustration and he had never been harmed and always been
welcomed.
His
memories of his actual birth were fractured, his mind at that time so fragile
that his memories were made more of feelings and sensations rather than actual
events. He remembered pain, everything had been pain at the beginning, it had
burned through him like a fire on dry kindling, he tried to cry out with it but
his voice did not work, there was so much pain and it consumed him but it had
not lasted long. Suddenly something had changed, something soft and warm was
touching him, small soothing noises pierced the mask of agony and then warmth
was pressed against his mouth. His jaws closed on what was nourishing him
without him having any thought to do so and he suckled. The fluid that came
into him seemed to dull the pain and along with the now soft touch running over
his skin in a repeated soothing motion the pain was all but forgotten. He
nuzzled closer to what was nursing him, deep down knowing that this was where
he was meant to be, that this creature holding him would protect him and drive
away all pain. But as the pain ebbed and left him it was replaced with
exhaustion and it was something he could not fight. He had passed out almost
instantly.
He
had woken a time later to find himself on something soft that he did not know
the name for. Language had been beyond him at that point as well as his fractured
mind was still trying to come to terms with life after being dead for so long.
He had not been alone however, the first clear and unblemished look he had had
at his father had been when the elder was asleep and sprawled next to him. His
clothing torn and mud covered, ragged in places and blood stained in others,
but his skin was unmarked free from injury or blemish.
Raziel
had blinked bright eyes at the one next to him and had even reached out to
touch him. Knowing deep down in some hidden part of himself
that this creature was safe, it was the one that had brought him here, it was
the one that would protect him. In the manner of small birds Raziel knew this
creature was his father. Kain had woken at the soft touch and had snarled at
his fledgling, but Raziel had not been frightened and instead had continued to
touch him, his hand became buried in soft white hair which he tugged at and in
return earned another snarl and a short sharp clip to his wrist which made him
let go. They had stared at each other for a long moment after that and Kain had
spoken but Raziel had not understood the words. Instead he took comfort in the
soft sound of them and yawned curling close to his parent.
He
remember the surprise which Kain had show at the open affection his new child
had for him. Raziel had not understood that surprise then but now he did,
knowing Kain’s life and the trials he had had to face it was little
surprise that he was off footed by the open affection and even less surprise
that he was suspicious of it. But even the Lord of vampires cannot fight his
instincts and sires have just as strong instincts towards their children as
fledglings do to their sires. This Raziel summarized was the only reason Kain
had been gentle with him in those early days. The soft touches the fact that he
had easily allowed the fledgling to cling to him while it slept and the almost
eager willingness he had to spill his own blood for it.
But
then after the first days of trial and error on Kain’s part something had
changed. Raziel was never sure what it was that had seemed to click into place
in his fathers mind but something had defiantly happened. For he changed, he
was no longer simply not hurting his child because of instinct he was almost
spoiling it, coddling it, and he had on more than one occasion expressed pride
and affection towards it. Raziel had taken this change very well, and clung to
his father with renewed vigor, there were times when Kain had pushed him away
with a strange expression on his face, Raziel had not understood it then and
had been saddened by the rejection of his touch but now he understood and even
admired his father a little for the action.
Raziel
had been completely oblivious to the effect he had been having on his father,
and for Kain of all people to push him back rather than simply throw him down
it must have been hard, Kain was never famed for his self control despite
Raziel knowing that he had much of it he just chose to ignore it on most
occasions. Raziel sighed remembering many of his own fledglings who had offered
themselves to him, he had never really felt inclined to partake of what they
offered and often steered them towards each other and away from himself. Then
excuse himself and go to his father, Kain had never complained of these random
visits. But unlike himself Kain had been attracted to his child and eventually
Raziel had broken him. It was a small break Raziel decided a simple kiss rather
than complete and uncontrolled ravishing which also spoke volumes as to his
father’s strength of will.
Raziel
snorted in the dark spirit realm remembering that first kiss, he sounded like a
young maiden reminiscing over that first intimate touch. But he had been
maiden-like then, he was young, fresh and completely innocent to everything
carnal in the world. He did not understand the meaning behind the gesture but
he did understand his own pleasure at the touch and had assumed it was the same
for his father. He had after that at every available opportunity pressed his
lips to his father. It didn’t matter to him where he kissed not really
but he felt himself melt every time he had been kissed back and he had decided
that he liked that best and thus had tried to encourage it with virgin
clumsiness.
Remembering
those times now caused the reaver spirit pain, he curled in tighter onto
himself, trying to fight down the short sharp tingles such memories made race
across his skin. He hated himself for all this self pity but could hardly stop
himself from remembering. He yearned with all that he was to go back to that
time, when things were simple for him. When all he cared about was his father,
when it was easy to understand what to do because there only ever was one thing
to do. There was no mind numbing fear which now was all he seemed to have.
“RAZIEL, I WISH TO SPEAK WITH YOU.”
The voice of the elder echoed throughout the chamber “COME TO ME HERE.” Raziel sighed he
knew where the elder was referring to but did not understand the need to go,
the elder could speak to him easily where ever he was, why stand on ceremony.
But at this moment it was a distraction to his memories and any distraction
would be a welcomed one.
End
chapter
Authoress note: god knows what’s
going on; at least I hope he does because I really don’t lol.
Please review.