Magical Trevor
Disclaimer: Legacy of
Kain belongs to Edios and Crystal Dynamics not me. I am making £0.00 out of
this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Also I
do not own magical Trevor. Magical Trevor is owned by the nice people at www.weebls-stuff.com/toons/37
Warning: this fic contains 0% sense.
Rating: PG
Part: one off
Set: it really doesn’t matter
Authoress note: a gift for
Lil_Banik_slave. Hope you like it my love, changed it from Kain getting drunk
and singing it, I can’t seem to write drunk Kain at
all.
* \/ * /\ *
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Chapter One
Nosgoth is at peace once again, the
occupants of the land wait once more for the wheel to turn.
Unfortunately they have become
board waiting for the wheel and have been finding ways as of late to entertain
themselves, these ‘ways’ have involved, paintball, trying in vain to teach Kain
to cook and tossing slaves into the abyss to see if bigger humans fall faster
than small ones.
In a vain attempt to divert Kain’s
attention from her ‘Zone of Enders’ game Light introduced him to the weebls
website. She made the mistake of leaving him alone on it.
Tonight another form of
entertainment will be launched.
{
“Where can
you see lions” Light sings quietly to herself while plonking down in the plush
red chair next to Vorador.
“Watch it”
Vorador cries as Light nearly spills her coke on the poor vampire
“Only in
“Is this
where we’re sitting then” Lil_banik_slave falls into place beside Light; her
coke wobbles dangerously but manages to remain upright as she gets comfortable.
Suddenly
Banik’s pop corn explodes as a small man lands in it.
“Just
leave me behind, I had to pay for these myself and I almost got stepped on,
stupid popcorn queue” Chibi_stark grumbles clambering out of the popcorn,
opening a packet of jelly babies bigger than himself, he smiles “being small
has advantages”
“We’ve got
to eat that” Banik mutters looking at her popcorn which is now . . . uneatable
to say the least
“What’s
going on” Janos asks sitting on the other side of Vorador, “I got a letter this
morning telling me to be here or I would lose my wings one feather at a time”
“Where can
you see tigers” Light continues oblivious to all around her “only in
“I think
Kain’s planned something” Vorador answers his Sire
“
“Any idea
what” Janos puzzles, reaching over and grabbing a handful of Lights popcorn
“Oh
“No idea
what so ever” Vorador shrugs
“
“
“Why do I
have to carry everything” T-Man grumbles almost throwing the several popcorns
and three cokes he is holding, at his muse.
“Well I
can’t be expected to carry it” Rouge smirks “being female has to be good for
something”
“Kenya!!
We’re going to
around the
menagerie of Authors and muses the rest of Nosgoth’s inhabitants gather,
humans, vampires and Hylden have all come together to watch . . . what ever it
is Kain wants to show them.
Of course
many are under death threats to be here.
“This is
insane” Banik mutters, looking at the surrounding audience who are trying to
fight the urge to kill each other
“Fifty quid
says a fight breaks out before the show” T-Man smirks
“Eighty”
Banik challenges
“Ninety”
“
“Don’t
encourage them” Janos mutters
“Move you
great lump” Zephon’s voice carries over the din of the audience as he kicks his
brother Dumah in the shins
“You
skinny little” Dumah shouts as he charges his brother
Melchiah
and Rahab smirk as they watch the fight. T-Man and Banik look at each other
unsure who has won the bet.
Suddenly
the lights dim and the stage lights come up, all is quiet as the audience waits
patently
“
Kain walks
onto the stage with a white robe on; he bows silently to the audience all of
whom are frowning at him in confusion. He places a tall, white pointed hat on
his head; a single star dangles of off the point.
Music
wells in the back ground
“Everyone loves
magical Trevor for the tricks that he does are ever so clever”
Light sniggers
to herself covering her mouth with a paw. Kain bows again and Raziel enters the
stage, dressed in an old moth eaten cow costume, you can see he is not happy
about this. Janos and Vorador snigger.
“Look at him now,
disappearing the cow”
Kain kicks
Raziel hard, he falls backwards landing on a trap door which gives way sending
him down; several small crashes are heard before a final loud crash followed by
a few small ones as several other props fall down the trap door.
“Where is the cow
hidden right now?”
Kain makes
a dramatic show of looking for the cow, when it is obvious he will not find it
he shrugs in a very overdramatic fashion.
“Taking a bow is
magical Trevor; everyone has seen that the trick is clever”
Kain bows
once again and grins proudly, several humans defecate themselves. Shadow nods
his approval of Kain’s human defecating grin.
“Look at him there
with his leathery, leathery whip it’s made from magic and with a little flip”
Kain pulls
a whip out of no where and lashes it at the stage making a loud snapping
noise. Unfortunately the whip is long
and he manages to hit the only stage hand. Screams of pain fill the theatre but
the music just gets turned up.
“YEAH, YEAH, YEAH the
cow is back, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH the cow is back, back, back”
Raziel crawls
back onto the stage; he is obviously in much pain and groans loudly before
collapsing into a heap.
“Back from his
magical journey”
Kain
nudges the unconscious Raziel with his talon and shrugs before grinning proudly
again, more humans soil themselves.
In the
background the injured stage hand can be seen pushing something very large and
wobbly towards the stage.
“What did he see in
the parallel dimension?”
the lights
come on and flash at the audience trying to convey dimensional travel, sending
a few Hylden into epileptic fits, causing three humans to go blind, four
fledgling vampires who were sitting to close to the lights turn to dust and the
lobby-boy trips and falls landing ceremoniously in his tray of ice cream.
“He saw beans lots of
beans lots of beans lots of beans”
Kain steps
off the stage leaving the unconscious Raziel alone as the curtain is pulled
back, revealing beans. A huge supermarket display of tinned beans, it shakes
dramatically and falls landing on the poor unconscious Raziel who regained
consciousness long enough to yell
“BUGGER”
{Serefan
stronghold}
“Well I
thought it was bloody amusing” Mortanius chuckles stepping back from the
seeing-pool
“Lunatic, that’s
the lord of Nosgoth and he spends his time doing this” Moebius mutters
“Brilliant
just marvellous” Mortanius continues
“I
actually thought it could have used more beans” Bane mutters
“To many
beans would have been a little bit over the top” Malek disagrees
“Well at
least Kain is destroying the image of the circle looking like a bunch of old
farts who never want to have any fun” Azimuth says still paranoid about a
magazine article where the circle was described as a bunch of old farts who do
not want to have any fun.
“Yeah”
Anacroth agrees “now we all just look like prats” he paused “bean obsessed
prats”
“Would
have preferred it if the beans fell on Kain” Moebius turns away and walks
towards his rooms.
{Four
hours later}
The strong
hold is wracked by the cries of
“I can’t
get that damn tune out of my head!!”
“He saw
beans lots of beans lots of beans”
“Shut
up!!”
“Everyone
loves magical . . .”
“I said
shut up”
“Tricks
that he does . . .”
The End
Authoress note: for those of you
who wish to have the magical Trevor song stuck in your head for the rest of eternity
please visit.
Also note the ‘
Thank you and please Review