Bloodthirsty Bunnies
Disclaimer: Legacy of
Kain belongs to Edios and Crystal Dynamics not me. Orbital Frames belong to . .
. . someone who is also not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is
written purely because I have a burning need to create.
Warning: this fic contains no sense that’s right 0% sense
Rating: PG
Part: one off
Set: Tomorrow
Authoress note: I blame
this on to much work, to little sleep and Hitler.
God its been ages since I wrote something like this, I
hope I haven’t lost my touch.
An Easter present for T-Man and Lil-Banik-slave.
* \/ * /\ *
\/ * /\ *
{Sanctuary of the Clans}
It’s
Easter in Nosgoth,
A carriage
drawn by four black horses pulls up outside the Sanctuary of the clans and two
Authors clamber out, followed by a small black hedgehog and a tiny man. The
four slowly enter the sanctuary, seemingly unsure of what lies ahead. Their
trepidation is not unfounded, they are well aware that small explosions, random
decapitation and hamsters are not alien to this place, just because its quiet
now doesn’t mean chaos does not wait within.
They enter
and blink.
Someone
has made a sad attempt at Easter decorations, a few headless bunnies are hung
on the walls, and a few eggs have been thrown at the pillars. A lot of pink and
yellow paper has been hung around the place mostly to hide the blood stains
from the bunnies and air freshener has been sprayed to cover up the smell of
egg. A small food cart has been set up beside part of the wall; Shadow
instantly sidles towards the food cart, purposefully ignoring the random
decorations
“Light
said bunnies and eggs” Raziel snaps noticing everyone eyeing the décor with
disgust
“I highly
doubt she meant . . .” T-Man starts
“Where’s everyone”
Banik muttered suddenly realising how empty the place is without Kain lounging
on the recliner hidden behind the throne, or Vorador reading porn in one of the
darker parts of the room, how quiet it is without the fear of Janos dive
bombing unsuspecting guests,
“well
light and Kain buggered off half an hour ago and . . .” Raziel sniggers
“Vorador has a habit of setting things on fire when it’s a national holiday so
to make him not want to celebrate Easter Janos told him the Easter bunny was a
ferocious vampire eating bunny who should be avoided at all costs and
celebrating draws his attention”
{
Vorador’s
mansion sits snugly in the swamp land, safe and protected . . .
Protected
by several mounted lasers he ‘borrowed’ from T-man, eight patrol Robots he also
‘borrowed’ from T-man, electric fences he stole from the local farmer who lives
next door, two guard dogs he rescued from Nosgoth’s animal shelter and
countless bear traps he found under Light’s bed.
A big
painted sign rests over the gate
‘NO BUNNIES AND WE DO NOT LIKE
EGGS’
{Sanctuary}
“I
wondered where those bots went” T-man muttered as Raziel explained
“Oh go on”
a female voice suddenly shouts from outside the sanctuary
“Drop DEAD
I’m not doing it!” Kain’s unmistakable voice filters through after it
“You know
you want to really” the female voice continues whining
“Is that
Light” Banik asks, frowning,
Turning
she notices Raziel has already clambered up onto the ledge surrounding the
room, he scurries along to a window Light demanded Kain put in for spying purposes
and grins in the way that only a creature with half a face can
“Yeah” he
calls down “its Light”
“You’re a
miserable bugger you know that right” Light screams at her vampire as he stomps
into the room and collapses down on the throne, his hair is steaming and the
smell of burnt leather slowly fills the room.
“I know
I’m going to regret asking this” T-Man sighs loudly “but what’s wrong this
time”
“Kain
refuses to co-operate” Light huffs
“With”
Banik prompts
“Well I
wanted him to put on a bunny costume and creep around Vorador’s mansion, but
noooooo Mr big stupid vampire says that lasers, robots, guard dogs, electric
fences and bear traps hurt”
“I
wondered why you were burnt” Raziel ponders gliding down from his ledge.
“It’s my
own fault” Kain muttered “it sounded fun at first”
“Everything’s
fun till someone gets electrocuted” Raziel waggles his claw at the master
vampire who lunges at him, the two roll about in a scuffle
“Can’t we
have one get together where some one doesn’t get electrocuted” T-Man sighs
* * *
“this food
tastes odd” Stark mutters, the tiny muse half hidden behind a pile of cupcakes
with little bunny pictures on
“Raziel
made them” Light says smiling and swallowing a cup cake
“This is
the same Raziel who made the décor” Stark sighs knowing he shouldn’t have
touched the food
“Yes”
Raziel growls from behind light
“Bother”
the tiny muse sighs and puts a half eaten cupcake down ignoring the bunny fur
inside the cake.
“That is
just sick” Banik blinks suddenly
“I know”
Stark groans “I’m going to be so sick later”
“no not
that” Banik swallows and points “that” pointing to Kain who’s quiet contentedly
sitting on the other side of Light spearing baby chickens onto cocktail sticks
“What”
Kain asks, “look there not real” he waves the tiny fluffy plastic chick he’s
holding under everyone’s nose before lifting another cocktail stick
“that’s
just sick” Banik shakes her head and sighs, Kain shrugs and continues spearing
the fluffy chicks on cocktail sticks until his little area is full of impaled
fluffy chickens
“I’m
bored” he mutters randomly
“Let’s go
scare Vorador” T-Man snaps suddenly
“But the
lasers!”
{Ten minuets and three arguments later
outside Vorador’s mansion}
“This is
the dumbest idea ever” Raziel huffs trying to wipe swamp goo off his feet “not
only have we been dragged across a swamp BUT for no reason, there is no way we
can get in there”
“Eh hem”
T-Man coughs drawing the wraiths attention, he pulls a small remote control
from his pocket and pushes a big red switch marked ‘OFF’. The bots inside slow
to a halt, weaponry powering down, the lasers to hum loudly for a moment before
falling silent.
“Never
leave home without it” T-Man smugly puts the remote back in his pocket
“Dogs”
Banik points to the rather ravenous zombie doggies Vorador has adopted “Zombie
doggies” Banik corrects herself, she blinks for a moment in confusion the
shrugs, like Nosgoth would have a ‘normal’ animal shelter
“No
problem” T-Man’s smirk hasn’t faded “shadow if you would be so kind”
“Uh . . .
big gate and bear traps” shadow points to the floor littered with traps
“Raz you
know how much I love you” Light pleads
“NO!”
Raziel snaps instantly, unfortunately his choice in the matter is removed when
Kain lifts him and throws him towards the gate, the wraith lands and skids
across the swamp towards the gate which he crashes into with a loud ‘clang’
“Woo go
Raz” Light cheers
Raziel
sighs loudly and slips into the spectral realm. Everyone waits silently for a
second then Raziel reforms on the balcony, to the disgusted cries of ‘eewww’
from Light.
“The
things I do for that stupid cat” the wraith mutters
Kicking
Vorador’s window, breaking the glass he slips back into spectral realm and
again everyone waits. A few silent seconds pass before Raziel re emerges right
beside them to the cry of “god Raz that’s so gross”
“Key”
Raziel huffs handing Light the gate key,
“Key”
Light hands the key to shadow who takes it with a sigh and marches up to the
gate a small smirk forms on his face when he hears “see Raz he doesn’t
complain”. The black hedgehog opens the gate and started to run, bear traps
snapping shut on thin air as he dodges the blades with millimetres to spare.
The zombie guard doggies give chase and for a moment three black blurs fill the
court yard until Shadow stops suddenly and turns to face the group looking
proud of himself. The zombie doggie’s chains are wrapped around the four
angelic statues, tying the doggies in knots.
“Odd but
efficient” Banik mutters as the group start forwards
Unfortunately
just as they are entering the court yard they remember the fence. The electric
gate slams shut behind them effectively trapping the group
“Bugger”
Kain hisses “I told you we’d get electrocuted . . . again”
“Oh don’t
be so overdramatic” Banik sighs, wondering why everyone is so very dumb.
She
wanders over to the fuse box on the side of the fence which Vorador in his fear
of the bunnies forgot to lock and swings it open, in a flurry of wires Banik
manages to rewire the fuses, the fence sizzles for a moment before falling
silent, Banik smirks and kicks the gate open
“No
applause please just throw flowers” she bows
* * *
“You’re
staying here tonight” Vorador frowns
“Uh yeah
we’ll protect you from the bunnies” T-Man nods trying to look sympathetic.
“I have no
choice in this anyway do I” Vorador sighs slumping backwards into a plush arm
chair
“not
really no” Light answers as she and Banik enter the room carrying a big comfy
sofa to sleep on,
“I’m sure
Kain and Raziel could have done this much better than us” Banik mutters
dropping her end of the heavy comfy sofa,
“The word
lazy in the dictionary has a picture of those two next to it” Light answers
jumping onto the sofa,
* * *
It doesn’t
take long for night to fall, Nosgoth being a ‘night time’ kind of place. In the
main living room of Vorador’s mansion all appear to be asleep except for
Vorador who has sat himself in a small circle of barbed wire and is clutching a
baseball bat as if it is a life line.
“Bunnies,
it’s the bunnies, the bunnies” he mutters rocking back and forth slowly
“Just a
few more seconds . . . just a few” Light whispers at her glow in the dark watch
Kain won for her in a Christmas cracker
“What the
hell” Stark points at the little authoress, Kain sighs and sits up,
“Oh . . .
just ignore her, she’s been doing this for the last three months” with that
said the master vampire collapses back into the arm chair Light and her muses
took over and tries to return to sleep
“Three . .
. two . . . one” Light counts down “YES ONLY TWO MORE DAYS TILL DMC3 GOODNESS”
The small authoress does her nightly happy dance that lasts ten minuets before
curling up in her space on the arm chair and passing out.
“For
crying out loud” Raziel grumbles, rolls over and pulls his cushion over his
head
* * *
“Did you
hear that!!” Banik whispers, waits, there is no reply. She rolls off her Sofa
and with slow and silent footsteps she creeps over to the other Sofa T-Man is
currently occupying “I said” she whispers an inch away from her brother “DID
YOU HEAR THAT”
“What the
hell!!!” T-man yelps jerking awake
“I heard
something . . . creeping” Banik mutters, T-Man blinks at her for a moment and
sighs
“let me
remind you” he starts very articulately for someone who’s just woken up “we’re
in a vampires mansion” he glances at the still awake Vorador in his circle of
barbed wire “a crazy vampires mansion, this is an old building and its probably
full of little vampires, little daemons and spiders”
“Spiders”
Light squeaks suddenly letting the others know she to is awake “I hate spiders”
she hissed, stealing Raziel’s cushion she tries to hide under it
“I heard
something creeping” Banik insists
“Kain”
Light kicks the master vampire off the arm chair
“Mmpphh”
Kain grunts sounding much more like someone who had just woken up than T-Man
did, he was after all scarily articulate
“T-Man
says there’s Demon spiders outside and Banik heard them creeping” Light
whimpers curling up to the very angry Raziel “go see”
“for
^&$”£ sake” Kain mutters getting to his feet but before he can move a loud
crunching is heard
“Squeeeee”
Light and Banik both squee loudly and leap into Vorador circle of barbed wire
for protection
“It’s
probably a mouse” T-Man mutters “Girls”
“It’s the bunnies!!!!”
Vorador shouts cowering behind the two already cowering authoress’
“Its not
bunnies” Raziel yawns
“It is so”
Vorador insists “their marching this way crunching carrots”
Raziel
groans and wanders over to the window and looks out, silently he turns away,
* * *
Everyone
is perched on the large and elaborate chandelier in the centre of the ceiling.
The entire
outside wall is has been blown down by tiny explosives and thousands of
‘Zombie’ bunnies wearing army helmets and walking on their back legs holding
tiny little guns and lead by the Easter bunny himself have marched into the
room and set up base camp.
“I told
you it was bunnies” Vorador yells triumphantly
“Well
Zombie bunnies really” Raziel argues “look that one’s arm just fell off and
that ones eating its friends brain”
“I hate
Easter” Kain sighs,
“Light”
Banik reaches over to touch her friends arm “this was a really nice Easter but
next year how about we do it on Moira”
“Or hell”
Shadow grumbles “hell would be less blood thirsty, who ever heard of zombie
bunnies”
“That one
chewing its own leg off” Raziel cries happily watching the bunnies
“Yes”
Light agrees to doing Easter elsewhere next year “yes I think we should”
THE END
HAPPY EASTER
This was
wrote and inspired by my own little zombie bunny that Eiko bought for me for
Xmas. Its cute and dead.