* * * *

Janos has finally managed to fly the tiny lieutenants up to his aerie, where the tiny guys actually want to go to bed! (Yes its true)

Janos: *closing the door to the room with the HUGE (and I mean huge) bed* Vorador talks out his butt, there no trouble, cute little things, god knows why or how Kain got them. *Wandering down the corridor* poor little things having to put up with Kain *shakes his head* maybe I can sue the orphanage guy for this

SUDDENLY!!!!

???: *In the distance* *cough, cough*

Janos: *freezes* oh god no! *Runs back to the lieutenants room*

Zephon is sitting up in the HUGE bed coughing his little lungs out.

Janos: hey kiddo you alright

Zephon: I don't feel so good unky Janos *cough, cough*

Janos: *goes VERY pail* oh p!$$ *leaves the room* oh god it had to get sick when I was looking after it *begins to panic* Kain's gonna kill me . . .wait . . . I'll cure the little thing . . . sure! *Goes back inside the room*

Zephon: *snivel, cough, sneeze* Unky Janos, my throat hurts.

Janos: All right I can handle this . . . god where's a women when you need one! *Has an idea* hold on kid I'll be right back all right you just . . . don't worry. *Flies away*

Zephon: *cough, cough*

Janos: *flying way past the speed limit* god where are you . . . *spots a group of humans* got ya! *Flies down grabbing a woman who screams loudly, (as you would being suddenly carried away by the great Janos Audron, seriously what would you think was going to happen)*

Zephon: *sneeze, weak cough, snivel* owww

Janos: *bursting into the room* there! *Points at Zephon* its sick make it better

Woman: huh . . . this is not what I expected

Janos: *confused* what did you expect?

Woman: violence, rape, murder, you drinking my blood certainly not a sick child

Janos: well . . . uh . . . get used to it and FIX THE KID!

Woman: whoa PMT *wanders towards Zephon* hey *sits on the bed* my names Marianne, how do you feel.

Zephon: *tiny weak voice* bad

Marianne: well . . . does your stomach hurt

Zephon: *nod*

Marianne: your throat? *Puts a hand on Zephon's head*

Zephon: *nod*

Janos: *pacing the floor, pulling small feathers from his wings* its gonna die isn't it

Zephon: O_O



* * Meanwhile * *

Kain is doing naughty things with Vorador's harem

Vampiress: wow this Ariel must be really lucky to have a guy like you

Kain: yeah well *dramatic sigh* I care

Vampiress: OOOOOoooooooo *nuzzles Kain*

Kain: MMMMmmmmm . . . *pauses* . . . wait a moment

Vampiress: what is it . . . you want me to stop

Kain: NO!!! I mean of course not . . . I just felt weird *shrugs and resumes*

Kain's conscience pops up on his left shoulder. It's a tiny Mortanius with little angle wings and a hallo along with the company harp.

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: you know what you felt . . . Little Zephon is sick . . . Very sick . . . he needs you there

Kain's evil conscience Moebius: *with bat like wings, trident and devil tail* forget the little kid! You're having way too much fun here, aren't you! Now be a gentleman and keep these nice women happy.

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: be a father Kain . . . do the right th . . . *squashed by Kain*



* * Janos' Aerie * *

Marianne has taken Zephon putting him in a different bed to the others with hot water bottles, a cup of warm blood and some tissues. She has now taken Janos out of the room to talk to him.

Marianne: well it looks like . . . and I'm not saying it is! . . . But it looks like phenomena

Janos: WHAT!!!

Marianne: well your house is made of ice! He has no shoes, scarves or anything to protect him from this kind of cold!

Janos: he's a vampire; he's tougher than that!

Marianne: he's also FIVE YEARS OLD!!!

Janos: ah . . . well . . . um . . . have you fixed it

Marianne: if his temperature goes up anymore I recommend taking him somewhere to get some form of medical attention

Janos: uh yeah . . . I'll just walk in . . . here HUMAN doctor take care of this VAMPIRE child and while your at it can I use the phone to call the SEREFAN we're meant to be playing poker this evening!

Marianne: wow calm down.

Janos: oh god if it dies Kain'll kill me! XO

Marianne: Kain? There not your kids are they

Janos: *very small voice* no

Marianne: *sighs* I'll go check on Zephon you check on the others

Janos: *opening the door to the room with the HUGE bed* hey you guy still asleep *no lieutenants* oh . . . *faints*



* * Meanwhile * *

Kain is STILL doing naughty things with Vorador's harem.

Kain: *jerking into a sitting position* OW!

Vampiress 1: *panicked* did I hurt you

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: no I did! *Stabbing Kain with the harp* no go help your son!

Kain: *clambering away throwing on a robe* no . . . *starts pacing*

Vampiress 2: what's wrong with you! You've been uppity all evening!

Kain: *quiet anxious* something's really wrong *poked again by Mortanius' sharp harp* ow you son of a . . .

Vampiress 3: huh?

Kain: *REALLY confused* I don't get it something's wrong with the brats . . . I mean kiddies.

Vampiress 4: aaaawwwwwww he can feel his kiddies *grabs Kain pulling him back to the bed

Kain: *not really struggling* no really I have to help them . . . oh dear look what's happening I just can't fight them, there to powerful for me, what will I do to escape! oops I fell.

Kain's evil conscience Moebius: I'm proud of you Kain, you did the wrong thing

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: Be a father help you son . . . he might die *is stabbed by Moebius' trident*

Kain's evil conscience Moebius: god shut up can't you see he doesn't care



* * Meanwhile (I say that way to much) * *

Zephon's gotten really bad and Marianne's taking him to a hospital while Janos recovers and starts looking for the disappeared kiddies

Marianne: *carrying Zephon in a blanket* god why does he live so far from anywhere! Stupid Janos! This is NOT how I planned my evening! Violence and murder don't sound that bad anymore, compared with this anyway.

Zephon: *very weak cough* I wish daddy was here



* * Yep meanwhile * *

Back with Kain and the harem

Kain: * stabbed by a VERY sharp object* AAAAHHHH right I have to GO NOW! *Jumps out of the bed searching for clothing*

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: that's a good boy *holding a mini soul Reaver*

Vampiress 3: please Kain . . . stay with us

Vampiress 7: yes please stay

Kain: believe me I want to but . . . *shrugs*

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: HURRY UP *stabs Kain again*

Kain: Ouch! . . . Hey where's the other guy

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: you mean Moebius the evil one

Kain: yeah

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: *points, Moebius is tied and gagged* NOW GO HELP YOUR SON! *Stabs Kain again*



* * Meanwhile (I know again) * *

Janos: here kiddies, come to uncle Janos *dog piled* AAAHHHH!!!! HELP!!! *Fighting for breath as Raziel stands on his neck*

Raziel: you it unky Janos *runs away*

Melchiah: Unky Janos can I be it with you

Janos: *totally relieved that the kiddies are alive* sure . . . kid . . . why . . . not

Melchiah: yay *jumps on Janos' back* now fly after them

Janos: *rolls his eyes and spread his wings*



* * At the same time (see!!!! I didn't say meanwhile!!!!) * *

Kain: I cannot move any faster

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: yes you can now run! *Stabs Kain yet again*

Kain: *bursting into a village* your telling me Zephon is here!

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: yes in the hospital NOW MARCH!!! *Pokes Kain Yet again*

Kain: there has to be a law against this kind of treatment *marches into the hospital*

Nurse: excuse me sir but visiting hours are over

Kain: look I'm tired, p!$$ed off and my kid's sick where is he

Nurse: . . . excuse me sir but visiting hours are over

Kain: AAARRRGGGG *kicks the nurse out of the way and searches for Zephon*



* * With Marianne * *

Doctor: he'll be fine now

Marianne: oh good

Doctor: he's not yours is he

Marianne: I'm his mother of course he's mine!

Doctor: you cannot lie madam and the child is a vampire

Marianne: oh . . . um . . . how DARE YOU BE SO PREDIJEST!!!!

Doctor: *shrugs, as Kain explodes into the room*

Zephon: DADDY *jumps on Kain*

Kain: I thought you were supposed to be sick . . . you manipulative little git!

Doctor: he had a common cold nothing to worry about just keep him warm and he'll be fine

Kain: well thank you SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOOO much *lifts Zephon and walks away*

Marianne: . . . *annoyed* thank you Marianne for saving my son, oh it was no problem Lord Kain, no really it was great of you to risk your life for my kid thank you, no really lord Kain you flatter me, but it really was . . .

Kain: oh for god sakes shut up! *Leaves*

Marianne: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!



* * Meanwhile (yes I know I've done it again) * *

Janos: ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Lieutenants: *dog piled on Janos* wake up unky Janos *jumping on the poor ancient*

Kain: All right you horrible lot come on

Lieutenants: DADDY KAIN *dog pile Kain*

Kain: *fighting for breath* bed . . . now . . . air! . . . really AIR!

Eventually (half an hour) Kain managed to get them to go to bed

Raziel: story

Kain: once a upon a time . . . the end

Turel: a proper one!!!!

Kain: once upon a time. . . there was a happy village, then Kain came along, they all died . . . the end

Dumah: proper or I'll scream so loud . . .

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: *threateningly* tell them a PROPER story *pokes Kain with tiny soul Reaver*

Kain: alright calm down . . . once upon a time . . . um there was a handsome and brave guy called Kain and he . . . *an hour later* . . . and so after chopping up the circle member Dejoul in the most bloody fashion imaginable he . . . *another hour later* . . . *Kain's actually started to act this out now* and the daemon Hash was thee hundred miles high and he was the ugliest thing you did ever see but the handsome and brave Kain did not falter he lifted his mighty weapon and struck the daemon . . . *ten minuets later* . . . *yup Kain's still acting this out* and so our brave hero stood up, covered in blood and sinew and he moved on. The end now go to sleep. *Stands up and turns out the light closing the door*

Lieutenants: O_O

Kain: *to Janos* I think I'm the greatest parent in the whole world *sits down*

Lieutenants: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH DEAMON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DADDY KAIN HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS GOT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

* * * *

Light: that was a bit long wasn't it wow PLEASE REVIEW I BEG OF YOU I also offer such wholesome treats as . . . *thinks rapidly* . . . um . . . vast amounts of Junk food and . . . uh . . . chibi dolls of the kiddies ^_^

Kain: I still think I'm great at being a father

Kain's good conscience Mortanius: uh who was it that had to force you to come to your son!!!

Light: PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

/N: yes one of the lines if from black adder before anyone points that out ^_^

* * * Janos' Aerie * * *

Silence graced the serene landscape. Nothing moved save from snow fleas jumping silently across small distances. The sound of nothing but breathing graced the halls of Janos' aerie. In a chamber high inside eight vampires slept.

Janos lay curled on a large armchair, two smaller forms of Raziel and Turel wrapped in huge wings. Kain lay sprawled across a three-seater couch his arm draped over Zephon and Melchiah. Rahab and Dumah curled in a third chair. Silently Raziel opened his eyes.

Raziel: *easing his way out of the armchair* huh? *Glancing to calendar* ^____^ XMAS EVE TOMOROW!!!! *Jumping up and down rapidly*

Janos: *waking slowly* huh *climbed over by Turel*

Raziel: *pulling Rahab's hair* wake up! WAKE UP

All the kiddies jerk up, Zephon and Melchiah knock Kain from the couch.

Kain: *moans loudly before curling up and falling back asleep* mmmm yeah baby

Raziel: Daddy Kain *jumping on Kain before Kain fly squats him across the room* ITS XMAS EVE TOMOROW!!!

Janos: oh dear god no! no this can't be happening again! *hides under the arm chair* No Its not happening la, la, la

Kain: *sitting* what's . . . *yawns* . . . this Chris . . . mess

Janos: no I will not do it again! Not after last time

* * flash back * *

Vorador: *very tiny and young* presents! *jumping up and down hysterically* presents!

Vorador runs into the room with the HUGE bed a lump signifies Janos.

Vorador: *jumping on Janos* Daddy Come on!!!!

Janos: *is dragged down the corridor still asleep by an over excited Vorador (strong for his age isn't he)* mmmmmmm its *checks his watch* AAHHHHHHHH I've been asleep ten minuets its only just dawn still!!!!!

Vorador: but . . . but . . . *puppy eyes*

Janos: nope mister not effected! . . . nope . . . *twitches* oh fine

Vorador: YAY! *drags Janos into the sitting room* Presents

Vorador attacks the wrapped boxes with fury of a five year old on Christmas morning! While Janos falls asleep in his chair.

Vorador: WOW A REAL SWORD *hugs the sleeping Janos before running off*

* * a few minuets pass * *

The aerie is on fire, as Vorador needed a proper enemy to fight but the servants were to submissive so by setting them on fire they ran around for him to chase, Childs logic.

Janos: *waking up* oh crap

* * end flash back * *

Kain: so if the aerie burnt down how is it here

Janos: . . . I don't know . . . by my wallet does.

Kain: *winces* poor you *turns to his kiddies* look we do not celebrate Christmas or any holiday connected with fire

Kiddies: Xmas isn't fire

Kain: we still don't celebrate it *crosses his arms over his chest in a 'argument is futile' action*

Kiddies: *tear filled eyes* why daddy Kain?

Kain:*twitches* cause we're . . .*thinks rapidly* . . . dark gods and do not celebrate anything

Zephon: *weak cough* but Christmas *weaker cough* is happy time *cough so pathetic even Kain breaks*

Kain: *muttering* I hate you manipulative child *is dog piled by Kiddies* ack! . . . AIR! . . . CAN'T BREATH!!!!

Janos: no! I will not let you!

Zephon: *snivels*

Janos: *no match for manipulative children* oh god don't even bother I give I give *is dog piled*

* * a few minuets later * *

The only shopping mall in Nosgoth (Business is good) has been invaded by several vampires. Kain has the kiddies on several short leashes, Vorador is there too, running around the group in small circles yelling. While Janos explains to Kain about Xmas.

Kain: so let m get this . . .the big fat red guy fly's around and comes down the chimney and watches you sleep . . .this is supposed to be a good thing

Janos: he gives presents

Kain: then why am I buying them!

Janos: he's not real

Kain: *confused* O_O . . . WHAT! This makes no sense, no sense at all, confusion

Vorador: JanosIthoughtyouchangedyourreligion. I'msogladyouchangedback.

Janos: *twitch* Shut . . . up.

Vorador: *As if he hasn't heard* thisisgoingtobethebestchristmasever. Rememberlastchristmaswhenyougotmea.

Janos: *through his teeth and turning a funny pinky colour* Shut . . . UP.

Vorador: *Still rambling* sword.canIhaveabigsoulreaverthisChristmaslikeKain. Ipromisenottosetthingsonfire!

Janos: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH *Starts to shake uncontrollably and climbs up the malls very big Xmas tree. Sits on top branch, murmuring* Fire bad, fire bad, hot scolding, burns, burns, BURNS.

Kain: alright then *walks off quickly*

They enter the centre of the mall only to see a visit Santa's grotto thing

Zephon: SANTA!!!!! *points*

Kain: you've got to be kidding me . . . NO! you cannot sit on his knee!

Rahab: but why daddy Kain

Kain: WE'RE EVIL BLOODSUCKING MONSTERS WE DO NOT SIT ON SANTAS KNEE AND SAY HOW GOOD WE ARE!!!!!!

Rahab: . . . . peas *puppy eyes*

Kain: can't . . . resist . . . evil . . . not . . . right

Rahab: that means yes, that mean yes *dances*

Kain: ¬_¬

Rahab: *queuing up* Santa, Santa, Santa,

Raziel: the lines so big!

Kain: *evil grin*

The line is suddenly very small the morgue is over filled. The group turn to see a very cheery teenage (19) vampiress, dressed as an elf, grinning.

Vampiress: hi I'm Jen do you want to sit with Santa

Dumah: ME FIRST!

Kain: *rolls his eyes then glances at Santa* now this is to much

Santa: *talking to Dumah* now what do you want for Xmas little boy

Dumah: *very shy* a pointy stick

Santa: O_O odd don't you want a fire truck . . .

Janos: *in the Xmas tree* FIRE!!!!!!! FIRE BAD!!!!! FIRE BURNS!!!!!

Santa: what about a nice skipping rope or a Barbie

Kain: *behind Santa* he's not a girl Marcus

Marcus: *jumps a mile or two in the air* AAAAAAHHHH oh god Kain *laughs nervously* this your little tyke then

Kain: yes

Marcus: *laughs nervously again* and so cute *kisses Dumah*

Dumah: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Janos: *running in with a fire hose* FIRE! FIRE EVERYWHERE!! *turns on the hose*

Kain: oh dear



* * ten minuets later * *

Kain, Kiddies, Vorador, Janos, Marcus and Jen are all perched on the lights as the water slowly rises.

Marcus: well there goes my job

Jen: *encouragingly* never mind you'll get another one soon

Janos: *curled up on the same light as Kain rocking backwards and forwards whimpering* fires gone now all gone

Marcus: Janos! Look a match!

Janos: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH *jumps knocking Kain off the Light into the water filled Mall*

Marcus, Vorador and Jen: oh dear



* * later that day * *

Kain and Janos are in a hospital. While Vorador tries madly to get someone to take the kiddies.

Vorador: please! come on! You want to you just don't know it! It is partly your fault this happened

Marcus: HOW!

Vorador: well . . . you were present weren't you! . . . anyway I'm your Sire obey me!

Marcus: . . . well *grabbed in headlock and beat*

Vorador: *beating Marcus* say yes

Marcus: *weakly* yes

Vorador: good boy, I knew you'd see the light *teleports away*

Harem: KAIN! *disappointed* oh its only Vorador

Vorador: what do you mean only!

* * back with Marcus * *

Marcus: *walks back into his sitting room rubbing his wounds* pain

Jen: *behind the couch with Rahab, Dumah and Raziel, while Melchiah, Zephon and Turel are behind a chair, the group are playing some sort of war game* hi Marcus TAKE COVER

Marcus: huh? *hit with a cushion* ow

Jen: I warned you *sniggers*

Marcus: what do you think your doing!

Jen: *quietly* . . . playing *tries to look sweet*

Marcus: oh dear god *collapses on the couch and is hit by a small bombardment of cushions*

Turel: did we hit anything

Melchiah: Santa

Turel: but not the enemy

Melchiah: nope

Turel: better start using something sharper

Marcus: O_O

* * hospital * *

Kain: . . . *board* . . . *yawns* . . . *back to board*

Janos: . . . *also board* . . . lets play a word game, make a sentence out of the following . . . am board I.

Kain: *sigh*

Janos: come on

Kain: fine I am board

Janos: yes . . . your go

Kain: *another sigh* face sodding your shut

Janos: *thinks* . . . *figures it out* your not happy are you

Kain: well done professor science

Janos' good conscience Soul Reaver Raz (equipped with angle wings, halo and harp): just ignore him, he's mentally disturbed, ignore him you know you can your powerful ^_^

Janos' bad conscience Serefan Raz (equipped with devil wings, horns and fork): kill him! You know you want to! Kill him! Kill him! KILL HIM!!!!

Janos: I'm ignoring you Kain *is patted on the head by good conscience Soul Reaver Raz* ^_^

Kain: *ignoring Janos*

* * Marcus' house * *

Dumah is swinging from a chandelier, Raziel has sellotaped Melchiah to the wall, Turel is drawing, Rahab is watching a strange TV show and Zephon is running in circles yelling having just eaten the sugar bowl.

Marcus: *groaning* why did I agree to this

Jen: I think there sweet *patting Rahab's head*

Turel: *tugging on Jen's leg* I drawed this for you

Jen: *admiring the very badly drawn picture of herself with little angle wings* thank you its very sweet *hugs Turel*

Turel: ^_^

Raziel: hee, hee, hee, hee

Melchiah: *selotaped to the wall* murgphumph

Marcus: MY WALL

Raziel: *hides*

Zephon: WWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE XMAS EVE TOMORROW!!!! PRESENTS!!!!!! SANTA!!!!!! SUGAR!!!!!

Jen: are they going to be here for Xmas

Marcus: hope not! I had plans *grins at Jen* anyway Kain will be out of hospital soon *checks his watch* soon

Dumah: *dizzy* Santa I don't feel so good *pukes*

Marcus: not soon enough *is suddenly without warning Dog piled by the kiddies* AIR!!!!

* * hospital . . . again * *

Kain's consciences and Janos consciences are playing poker at the little table by the door, Kain's are cheating. Suddenly Magnus (not mad) strides into the room

Magnus: hi Kain ^_^

Kain: hi

Magnus: hi Janos how's you

Janos: board

Magnus: well good news I came to drive you guys to Marcus'

Kain: *confused* why

Magnus: he's got your kids

Kain: can't you just take me home *hit by his good conscience Mortanius* OUCH

Magnus: *laughs* nope ^_^

And so the three clamber into Magnus' mini and drive off. On the way they see a small group of Serefan (354) all marching and singing

Serefan: we're on the way to kill Marcus, and every single person that he knows, all cause he filled the mall with water, and now it comes up to your nose.

Kain: what a sad jingle

Janos: we must warn Marcus *the mini speeds up dramatically as his good conscience soul Reaver Raz jumps on the accelerator*

* * Marcus' house * *

Kiddies: *in the bathroom giggling* HELP!!! HELP Rahab's bleeding to death

Jen and Marcus: *panic* oh god!!! *run into the bathroom, finding the group around a bath, Rahab's in the bath which is full of a red substance*

Jen: oh god no *lifts Rahab*

Marcus: *dangerously calm* put him down

Jen: huh

Marcus: *dips his finger in the bath and licks it* its cherry aid

Jen: YOU LITTLE !£4%3*!"2%@%

Knock at the door

Marcus: yeah, yeah I'm coming *answers door* oh its about time you got here!

Kain: shut up and let us in *pushes Marcus to the side before running into the living room*

Marcus: *watches as Kain, Janos and Magnus start to pile furniture against the door* what are you guys doing?

???: *on the other side of the door* Marcus we can't seem to get in, there seems to be furniture piled against the door

Magnus: it's his new hobby furniture piling . . . sod off

Jen: *coming down the stairs carrying Melchiah* whys the living room against the door

Marcus: it seems to be my new hobby *shrugs*

Janos: we were followed by Serefan who want to kill Marcus . . . Moebius is with them

Kain: *evil idea forming in his mind (something new)* um . . . kiddies you know how much I love you . . .



To be continued



* * *