Disclaimer: nope I own nothing.

Light: Welcome to my new fiction. This is a fic of how Kain got the lieutenants ^_^ its rather fluff but hopefully not to much, its all done in humour

Kain: *monotone* ha ha ha

Light: >XO

I would also like to note that this DID come from a futurama episode, it was my inspiration ^_^ the rest of the chapters will hopefully come from my own mind ^_^ by happy now!

* * * In the beginning * * *

Kain has just taken over Nosgoth and is now very board

Kain: . . . *yawn* . . .

Ariel: why don't you marry a nice woman and have a kid

Kain: O_o

Ariel: oh yeah the whole vampires can't have children thing . . . how about . . . adoption!

Kain: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

Ariel: come on one kiddie please I need one!

Kain: No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!

* * * Two hours later * * *

Kain: *looking around the local orphanage* to tall, to small, to wide, to thin,

Orphanage guy: we just got this new one mail ordered *shows Kain six five- year-old boys clinging to each other piteously*

Kain: there are six

Orphanage guy: nope only one . . . he's just a little large

Kain: with twelve eyes, twelve arms, six heads and twelve legs eh?

Orphanage guy: well if your going to be predigest

Kain: *thinking of what Ariel would do if he came home empty handed* Alright *closes his eyes and points in a random direction* that one *opens his eyes to see . . .

* * * Sanctuary of the clans * * *

Ariel: you got SIX! *Screams with delight*

Kain: *muttering* they guy said it was one he's just a bit big

Ariel: *hugging all the kiddies* OOOOOOOOOoooooooo what are they called

Kain: kids have names?

Raziel: *small chibi voice, tugging on Kain's trousers with a small claw* my names Raziel and that's Tu . . .

Kain: yeah, yeah what ever from now on your all Kain junior

Turel: *jumping on Kain's back and grabbing his hair* WWWWwwweeeeeeeeee

Kain: AAAARRRR

Rahab: what's this do *grabs the soul Reaver*

Kain: Don't touch that *grabs the Reaver and walks out of the room*

Lieutenants: *following* YAY OUR DADDY'S A GIANT TOY

Kain: Bed!

Zephon: but its only 10Pm

Kain: BED!!!

Lieutenants: yipe

* * * The next day * * *

Kain: *groaning from lack of sleep* coffee flavoured blood MMMMMMmmmmmm

Raziel: Daddy Kain I wanna go out side

Ariel: take them out Kain

After a rather large a violent battle Kain relented and walked out the front door with the boys following,

Ariel: *calling after Kain* don't forget to feed them

* * * The wastelands of Nosgoth * * *

Zephon: where we goin

Kain: a place

Zephon: are we there yet?

Kain: does it look like it *gestures to the surrounding wasteland*

Melchiah: Daddy Kain, I'm hungry

Dumah: me to

Kain: What is it with you kids, every five minuets it food, food, food,

Raziel: *puppy eyes* Please daddy Kain

Kain: . . . all right I'll get you some food

Turel: can we have Cat food again?

Kain: no! The cats home are starting to notice

* * * A little while later * * *

Kain: *holding open the door to a pub while the tiny lieutenants run inside* alright if its old or sleeping eat it if not then leave it, and only eat enough to keep you alive I'm on a budget *sits down muttering to himself*

Bottles fly around the bar, chairs are up turned, people die. No one seems to notice.

Melchiah: Daddy Kain

Kain: *grunts*

Melchiah: Zephon hit me really hard he did!

Zephon: *from a distance* you lie

Kain: . . . *hands Melchiah a baseball bat with a rusty nail* . . .

Melchiah: hee hee hee ^_^ *wanders off*

Zephon: *still from a distance* what are you doing, don't come any closer! I mean it! Daddy Kain!!!!!!

Rahab: *tugging on Kain's trousers* daddy Kain can you pick me up

Kain: god sakes *lifts Rahab onto the bar*

Rahab: *hugs Kain's face* thank you daddy Kain *runs off down the bar kicking the other drunks mugs over*

Pretty lady: *siding up to Kain* well hello there, these kids yours

Kain: yup

Pretty Lady: I just LOVE a man with kids

Kain: *suddenly brightening up* well there all mine and I was thinking about getting more!

Dumah: daddy Kain

Kain: *leaning down* go away *turns back to the woman*

Dumah: but Daddy Kain

Kain: *leaning down again* Daddy's trying to score so sod off

Dumah: I love you Daddy Kain *hugs Kain*

The other five see this and decide to join in, dog pilling on Kain

Kain: *hack, wheeze*

Pretty Lady: you seem busy I'll call you

Kain: *fighting to breath* wait you don't have . . . my number . . . wait

* * * some time later * * *

After trying to kill almost everyone Kain was kicked out of the bar and so he wandered the streets of Meridian with his trail of tiny five-year-old boys.

Melchiah: my legs hurt

Raziel: I'm sleepy

Kain: *sighs* come here *is surrounded by the small children who don't even reach his knees and teleports away*

* * * Meanwhile * * *

Vorador: your eyes reflect the moon and the stars even on a cloudy night such as this *romantic sigh* I can see myself spending eternity in ecstasy with you

Vampiress: *giggles* you know just what to say *nuzzles Vorador who straddles her*

Vorador: *growls playfully, nipping delicately at the vampiress, who purrs softly nuzzling him*

Kain: *from outside* VORADOR OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR

Vorador: *stops growling* perfect just bloody perfect *walks to his open balcony* KAIN just perfect timing kid! Look sod off, you can't stay here and don't start on about how much Ariel bugs you, just for once I want MY BRIDES TO MYSELF! . . . *pauses* why do you have six kids with you.

Kain: I adopted them

Vorador: *flabbergasted* they let you have children!

Vampiress: CHILDREN!!! *Runs to the balcony dressed in Vorador's robe that's slightly to big for her* aaaaawwwww there so sweet Vorador let him in

Vorador: *muttering darkly to himself*

* * * A few minuets later * * *

Vampiress: I must show them to the girls they'll love them *try's to pull Raziel down the corridor* come on little guy

Raziel: *clinging to Kain* nnnnnnnnnnooooooooo

Kain: *lifting Raziel, carry's him under his arm to Vorador's harem*

Harem vampiress': aaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwww *gasp* KAIN AND CHILDREN!!!!! HEAVEN HAS SMILED DOWN ON US!!! *Some drag Kain away while some cuddle the lieutenants*

Vorador: bugger

* * * End of Chapter one * * *