| SELF TALK Do you use negative and demeaning statements on yourself when thinking about one of your own shortcomings. Example: You think you are a bad brother/sister because you don't like to interact with your younger brother, sister, but wished you would spend more time with them. Maybe it's some chore you feel you hate to do and you're not even sure why, you get yelled at about it, but worst of all you put down yourself, questioning your worth. If you're saying of yourself "bad sister, brother or whatever," you must first question your believes, ask yourself what does "bad, or whatever" mean to me and why? Some people think it's cute to tell little kids "You're just bad ain't you." Some of your negative believes about yourself may have been imposed on you by other peoples statements about you. Once you examine these things they stop stressing and annoying you; you get them in to perspective, then self-talk is more positive, and conducive to answers based on sound judgment and a good reasoning process. Once you've decided, "I'm going to be a better brother or sister." Then decide on an action to remedy what ails you. No, you don't want to make yourself do something that at the time you're not able to do. We may try something like trying to be more observant of their needs; find a way to make it easier or better for them. Or every once in a while say something like "is everything OK ?" you want to mean something to somebody, be a listener. PROCRASTINATION OR LAZY. Some people like the kinetic method; an old tried and true method that works will. Make a list of 5 to-do's; You don't necessarily have to do them in order. Just make sure you visible mark each one as you complete it. It's the since of accomplishment that we're after the steps of self-esteem. Whatever makes people feel good, people find easy to repeat. Go easy at first. NOTE: You know the old saying "to much of anything is bad for you." Don't mistake depression for procrastination. If your appearance goes down, your mail piles up, bills and other important correspondence are unopened, general performance down; See your DOC. The sad part is you may be the last one to notice. |
| Stress relief tention depressed From written material of those who study human behavior they recognize positive, and negative grieving behavior. If grieving begins to interfere with ones quality of life, and/or alters 'their' normal/regular behavior, they may need to see a specialist to guide them through the grieving process. You may be familiar with the saying that when someone important to us passes away, the grief we feel is really for ourselves; our loss. "What are we going to do without that persons in our life?" "Without their care in your life?" Those who study human behavior and emotion have expressed this selfishness in their writings; you may have come across it in philosophy, or poetry; the implication of selfishness related to the grieving, but not as a negative kind of selfishness. I think Without this selfish feature man would never have survived. Grieving my be part of our survival mode; it tells us that not protecting and saving those close to us can cause a very bad reaction, consequences even." There are a lot of things we hold back from doing because we'd rather spare someone from suffering grief over our actions, or not acting. Although society has demonstrated that it can override this emotion and stand by and watch, even cheer at a disabled person struggling to get out of danger of being run over by a subway train. Grieving from close loss will never go away no matter how cynical or calluses man becomes. Remorse/anguish is an emotion born out of regret; this is what the pain, and the hurt is about. What kind of regrets would bring on such hurt? It may be hard to think of something you could have done to them to deserve this kind of hurt. When it comes to man, most things especially the best things for man, are simple and right in front of us. An example accupresure; as sophisticated a matter as health and healing is, we have the power in our hands. And the "laying on of hands" in religious healing practices. And the reason for that Hurt we feel is simple too; The Hurts out of simple acts of NEGLECT. When you could have been Patience or Gentle, you acted like a real "A." When you could have been Kind and Compassionate, you were Hard or Mean. When you could have been Understanding or Forgiving, you chose Petty Revenge. When you could have been Helpful, you were Careless, and let them go at Risk, Always fast with the, Is Not, Auh Auh, or Put-Down Put-Down of some kind. Calling them your Friend, but Playing Them Down all the time. I'm not talking about just casual friends, teachers, or coworkers. I'm talking about family members. You may not think that doing/not doing certain things will come back to haunt you as remorseful hurt; some people have not even been taught or experienced these values and concerns. Still the neglected knows what they lack in their lives, they see others getting, care, or hugs, so they know who's not providing it in their life. If I were to ask your child, sister, brother when the last time they were hugged was, or when was the last time someone in the family asked to help you? What would be the answer? What all people like to hear: 1. THANK YOU / SORRY/EXCUSE ME. 2. YOU DID A GOOD JOB. 3. I ADMIT I WAS WRONG. 4. A CENSER: HOW HAVE THINGS BEEN GOING? 5. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 6. YOU DON'T OWE ME ANYTHING, I DID IT FOR A FRIEND. 7. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO PUT DOWN OR MAKE WRONG THE OTHER PERSONS IDEA, JUST TO PRESENT YOUR OWN. JUST PRESENT YOUR IDEA, AND THINK OF SOME WAY YOU MIGHT BE ABLE TO USE OTHERS IDEA ALSO, OR ADD TO THEIR IDEA. |
