Journal Entry # 12     Date:   July 07, 2003
Entry Title:  Not A New Start
Today I declare that I am not making a new start.  It is just life as usual.  I have previously made hundreds, if not thousands, of new starts throughout my life.  I was going to be healthy from that moment on, I was going to lose weight and work our regularly, I was going to get straight A's in all my classes, have great relationships,  be that fun person everybody wants to hang around with, and just overall be the envy of ever other unhappy person.  However, after much trial and error work, I have concluded that new starts are doomed to failure.  New implies different and we're never really different.  New starts last for a week the first few times you try them, but after a while you only make it as far as the two hour mark.  So I'm done with completely changing myself at a moment's notice.

I'm just boring me, just getting through the day, and hoping the next will be better.  I still believe that my new start goals are possible, just not so immediate.  The longer you take getting into a new habbit, the longer it takes you to break it.  Which is why diets never work.  So now that I'm not starting anew and am still the same girl with twenty years of baggage to shape me, I'll tell you what I've been up to lately.

Welll, I'll still working as a cashier at Jewel.  I still only get 7 bucks an hour, and the job still sucks.  However, since I have gotten to know all the people that work there, I can goof around with them sometimes and lately it doesn't suck so much.

I finished my classes at Oakton.  Two A's and a B.  Not bad.  I'm now taking summer school.  Intro to Phillosophy.  Phillosophy as a subject is interesting but I can't decide if the lectures or the book is more boring.

I'm taking guitar and piano lessons, both of which I am enjoying immensely.  I just wish I had more time to practice.

I am still planning on going back to college.  Not sure where yet.  So far, I'm accepted to Columbia and I think I'd like it there.  However, every once in a while I think about Madison and get a pang of longing.  Maybe I wasn't at my happiest there, but I miss it.  I miss the interaction and I miss the sense of independence.  I hope whatever school I go to is just as socially fun.  Most of the schools I am looking at are in a big city and I can't help hearing my Mother's voice say that if you aren't on a college campus in a small college town, it's not a real college experience.

Anyway, that's about all the news I can put in tonight.  I have just spent too many hours reading Harry Potter and the words are blurring in front of me.



 
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