1. You hear music on
the radio and you start marking time.
2. You're walking behind someone and you're in step with them.
3. You try to guess the tempo of your favorite song.
4. All your friends are in band.
5. You don't mind changing clothes on the bus (see below).
6. You know how to change on the bus without revealing anything.
7. People ask you about your social life and you say "Oh you mean my
flute?"
8. You've had a "trombone-ectomy" (shudder).
9. You practice your instrument more than you talk to your
dog.
10. Being mauled by a drum is a normal part of life.
11. "Armed guard" means a girl with a pole, not a guy with a
gun.
12. You remember sharps and flats
more easily than you remember the name of the president.
13. You've named your instrument.
14. You see your section more than you see your family.
15. Everyone wants to kill the other football team...and you want to kill
the other band.
16. You have dreams about selling band candy.
17. You accidentally call your
band director "Dad".
18. Reeds taste good.
19. You subconsciously start practicing with a pencil.
20. You roll step through the cafeteria so you don't spill your
food.
21. You're alone and you
suffocate because no one's telling you to breathe.
22. The band room is your second home. It is your home if
you've got it bad.
23. You think a national monument should be built honoring John Philip
Sousa. Hell, they should just chip off one of those president heads and
put it there.
24. You've actually been to band camp and consider it the highlight of
your summer.
25. You recite the alphabet A through G then start back at A again.
26. Someone could empty their spit valve on your shoe and you wouldn't
care.
27. Spit rags/swabbers don't gross you out (see
above).
28. You carry cork grease in your pocket.
29. You know what a shako is and insist on calling them that, threatening
to kick anyone who dares to call them 'hats'.
30. 9/2 time scares the b'jeezus
out of you, while dying a slow painful death in a pit of snakes doesn't.
31. Your philosophy is: "If you don't have your mouthpiece then what
the heck is that noise coming out of your mouth?"
32. You and your pals have memorized the entire repertoire for the year
and can play your respective parts together...on kazoos.
33. You hear a song on the radio and think: "Hey, this'd make a good
pep band song."
34. You don't describe people by going "She's got brown hair, dark
eyes, kind of tall..", but go "She's an alto
sax."
35. Your conductor is your hero.
36. You have a designated section in your closet dubbed "for concert
attire".
37. You have a harness/neck strap tan line.
38. Pep band is the highlight of your week.
39. You go around humming the last song you practiced, even if it's Bb
major scale.
40. A random person could punch you in the face and you wouldn't respond,
but you'll fight to the death over who in your section gets to play the
solo.
41. Someone yells out "Hey Tuba boy!" and you respond.
42. Your biggest crush was/is your drum major.
43. You go to parades that you are not in and make sure lines are
straight, horn angles are parallel, and everyone is in step.
44. You listen to the classical station and can name off songs that you
remember playing in band.
45. You always start off on the left foot.
46. You find it complicated to get in step with your reflection.
47. You've seen "Mr.Holland's Opus"
26 times.
48. Everybody in band fights like they're family.
49. When walking down the hall you are in step with your friends.
If someone is not, they fall behind or do a little
foot shuffle to get in step.
50. You have dents in your furniture from hitting it with drumsticks or
spit stains from emptying your valve.
51. You know how to play 10 popular-stand tunes, but
know the words to none of them.
52. You point out key changes and dynamics when you listen to the
radio.
53. You can strip out of your uniform in less than a minute WITHOUT
getting it on the floor in order to use the bathroom.
54. You can carry four different food products at a time and eat them
while standing with your instrument on moving bleachers in the rain and not
drop any crumbs on your pep band jersey.
55. Having people help dress and undress you isn't even remotely sexually
stimulating.
56. You know how to walk on mud without slipping.
57. You miss class to march in a parade.
58. You point out instruments from the music in cartoons.
59. You're still humming band music from three years ago.
60. You start screaming "LEFT! LEFT! LEFT!"
to the people that walk in front of you on your way to class.
61. You've never had to pay to get into a football/basketball game.
62. Your feet are together, your stomach is in, your shoulders are back,
your head is up, and your eyes are "with pride." 24/7.
63. You've been witness to a fallen xylophone, bells, chimes, or
marimba.
64. Your English teacher is discussing banned books and you think -
"band books?"
65. You sit at what is known by all as the "Band Table" in the
cafeteria.
66. You pile as many band people
as you can in one car to go and see "Final Fantasy".
67. You tell people in the movie theater they're humming the
"Final Fantasy" tune out of key.
68. You either hate orchestra or are incredibly envious of it.
69. You never go anywhere without a deck of cards (see below).
70. Your deck of cards have been
used to such a degree that they've been ripped and taped, have dog eared
corners, are an odd pinkish tinge, can no longer fit into their box, and people
ask if they'll contract Chlamydia from them. Amazingly though, you still
have all 52.
71. Instead of doing the "L = left" thing with your
hands, you take one step forward to figure out which is right and which is
left.
72. You'll clean up the uniform room for a free soda.
73. You're feeling sick at school, but you don't go home until after
band.
74. Your friends (uh... friend) who aren't in band hang out in the band
room before class starts.
75. You've never ever sat in your class section at a pep rally because
you're playing.
76. You still and always will find "Sax-a-ma-PHONE!"
entertaining.
77. You find yourself drawing characters in uniforms with
instruments.
78. You're in band, but you don 't play an instrument (see below).
79. You like band so much but you don't know how to play an instrument,
so you join and become a runner for the band.
80. Normal people bet on horse racing, you bet on the DCI
Championship.
81. People you haven't seen since elementary school go up to you and say
"Hey, you're that one clarinet girl!"
82. In the hallway at school, someone drops a pencil and you holler
"STICK!!!"
83. Someone starts clapping and you get nervous.
84. If your dog called you to attention you wouldn't faint out of
surprise until the at-ease.
85. Friends tell you to "pee clear."
86. If you actually get to watch a parade in the off-season, you get the
urge to say things like "Second rank, left file, watch the
intervals!"
87. You name the city and the show, your friends
know exactly when you're talking about.
88. Immediate respect for any drum major.
89. "Beef" has nothing to do with cows.
90. (If you tour) You have a refined ability to
walk down an aisle on the edges of bus seats.
91. (See above) You fight over who gets to
sleep on the floor.
92. You go into spasms if you aren't in the same room as your instrument
for more than two hours.
93. Someone asks you who your favorite band is and you say "High
school or college? 4A or 5A school? DCI
or what?"
94. Wal-Mart is having a sale on lawn ornaments and you think "Wow,
they're selling pit members now?"
95. You dent a tuba and blame it on flag line.
96. When you do squatt and go's
to get to a class you are late for.
97. You go to other football games to watch the other band.
98. You play the fight songs for FUN!
99. You listen to band demo CDs in your car.
100. Your CDs consist of mainly orchestral/band music.
"The band
dancers are outcasts. So is the flute boy. He quit."
101. You can measure 5 yards without
a ruler- all you need is to count your steps while you're walking.
102. You end everything
with the word "hut".
103.
You can stand absolutely still, staring at the wall, for 15 minutes
straight.
104. Normal people argue about the Vikings vs. the Packers, you argue
about brass vs. woodwinds.
105. Looking at pictures of new instruments turns you on.
106. You know the difference between a baritone and a euphonium.
107. Every research paper you've ever done has been on a composer or arts
in the schools.
108. Your band director bans "Louie Louie"
in order to play new music.
109. You're upset when you make a 99 in band.
110. You've broken into the band room at least once.
111. Your friends have kids and force them to be in music.
112. You're copying an assignment for another class and you write
"Reed pgs150-267", and don't notice it's wrong.
113. You can tune a sax.
114. You don't take "double tounging"
as a dirty joke.
115. You sit around in class and try to think of new band nerd jokes.
116. A piccolo doesn't hurt your ears.
117. You can play four different instruments, and your mood decides which
one you play.
118. Your idea of a recliner is a music posture chair.
119. You talk to your plume.
120. You've been in a room
with over 300 people practicing breath accent cut offs... and there wasn't a
director in sight.
121.
People call you Flute Girl, but only because you look and sound like her - you
really play the trumpet.
122. Your curfew is later if it's an away football game.
123. You've seen the
entire band in their underwear.
124.
You've stood at attention for half an hour.
125. Even when you're in concert season, you come too close to saying
"drop"/"and down" at the end of every piece.
126. You can sit or hold
hands with any band member of the opposite sex, but it doesn't mean anything -
you're just cold.
127.
You have an underground stash of hand warmers.
128. People call where the band room is "The Band Cave".
129. The band director
makes you do push-ups for playing "Iron Man" too often.
130.
You wish you were at school on the weekends because you forgot to bring your
instrument home.
131. You compose music in all of your classes and during lunch.
132. You build a website just for your band. Hmm, should I take this as
inspiration..?.
133.
You start humming a show tune from three years ago and your friends join in
with their respective parts.
134. On band trips (or anywhere), you and your
friends play "Guess That Song" - one person hums a song the band has
plays and the others guess what it is.
135. You've had band camp nightmares.
136. You sit with your band director during band trips. Or on the city bus.
137. The only reason you're looking forward to Spring Break is because
that's when the band trip is.
138. Watching DCI turns you on.
139. You stay after school or during lunch to play around with songs with
your other band friends.
140. You consider your band director one of your closest friends.
141.
You don't like people because they don't like band.
142. The ring tone on your phone is an excerpt from your show.
143. You enjoy going to early/late band. Who cares if it's at the
crack of dawn, it's the highlight of your day.
144. You weep tears of joy when you get a
145. You refer to other schools as "Oh yeah, that's the one with the
band that played _____", or "We beat their band."
146. You e-mail random people you don't know with "You know you're a
band dork" jokes.
YEAH!
147.
You go into a field and wonder why there are football players there.
148. You compare yourself to others based on chair placements in band/regionals/all-state.
149. You sometimes wonder why people don't also say
"Sousa-ma-phone!"
Psh, I don't know what's wrong with the people in
THIS guy's band... It's complete with "Clar-a-ma-net!"
and "Tuba-mab-aaa" in my neck of the woods.
150.
You and your friends try to launch a full investigation to find out who put
graffiti in the bathroom closest to the band room.
Why did Beethoven
get rid of his chickens?
Because they kept on saying: "Bach Bach Bach."
151. You wonder why band doesn't have their OWN
bathroom.
152. Your director is throwing out old percussion uniforms, so you
ask if you can have one, and then you and your friends wear them around school
the rest of the day - frilly tassles not
withstanding.
153. You read pages about band geeks. Is that so wrong?
154. If you're from a warmer
state, you wonder why they're talking about hand warmers.
155. You hate American Pie because if you mention band camp to a
non-band member (or, as you may call them, a blasphemer), they ask you if
you've ever stuck a flute up your... yeah (even though you're a guy), and they
still think they're really being original with that one.
156. When people make said joke, you threaten to stick them in the old
tuba case.
157. You've tested to see if you can fit in a tuba case.
158. You can confidently tell your friends whether you can or cannot fit
into a tuba case.
159. You do the same with a sousaphone case. You guys HAVE sousaphone cases!? Shows what kind of under
funded band I was in.
160. You know what a piccolo trumpet is.
161. You're talking about instruments with your friends, and you all know
what every letter before or after a standard model number stands for.
162. Your "You Know You're a Band Geek
when..." page is so successful that people plagarize
it. Exhibit A: This site. Hmm, it's magically
disappeared...
163. You dress the lunch line.
164. You've memorized the bumps on the road from the school to the
football field.
165. Instead of doing physics homework, you figure out the frequencies
(in Hz) of every note in band. (See below)
166. You notice the tuba they refer to on the final is almost
exactly a quarter step out of tune. Jesus Christ. An
entire quarter step?!
167. You figure out the exact hearing range of a newborn child... in
concert pitches (almost 11 octaves: low Eb to high D). I am entirely
amazed.
168. You actually practice.
169. Every person you're currently interested in dating is a band member.
170. You refer to people by their instrument, as in Tuba Mike. Geez, does
EVERY band have a "Tuba Mike?"
171. You force the entire AP US History bus to watch BOA finals
(rewinding back to when the guys fall down... repeatedly).
172. You plan a military coup of
the band when your candidate doesn't win Band President. I feel you, man.
173. Your trademark is your instrument's name and then the band
that you play in (eg: Bob-Asj).
174. You can't see the material
on your letterman jacket because it's so crammed with patches from honor bands.
175. You've tried out every instrument in the band room,
regardless of who played it last.
176. The word "flugelhorn" doesn't send you into a fit of
giggles.
177. You've spent more money on reeds than on food.
178. Your most used turn-down line is "Sorry, I've got band that
night."
179. Telling someone they blow is a compliment.
180. You subdivide while talking.
181. You can quote current prices for mouthpieces.
182. You can identify any instrument and who it belongs to by it's case.
183. You know where every single dent in your instrument came from, or:
184. There isn't a single dent in your instrument because you flip out
any time it gets one, so you sprint to the repair shop right away to get it
fixed. Bill the repair man won't care if it's
185. "Rushing" and "dragging" are technical terms to
you.
186. You tell time in measures.
187. Having a metronome has gotten you into trouble. Bomb scare my
butt.
188. At church you march up to communion in the attention position
instead of a praying position.
189. You don't care if you reveal anything on the bus - all the band guys
have seen it before anyway.
190. You've marched in your room, back yard, and/or driveway.
191. You've ever marched in front of a mirror to see what you look like
and see if you can do certain moves correctly.
192. You tell the incoming freshmen "This one time, at band
camp" stories... like the time that one guy caught his car on fire Was he a
percussionist? I bet he was a percussionist. and
act it out in detail like it happened an hour ago, and your best buds laugh so
hard they cry. Good times, man.
Good times.
193. After the uniform, you'll never be threatened by any outfit
that has more than 20 steps to get in and out of it for as long as you live.
194. You and your friends eat lunch in the band room.
195. You and your friends march your show from 2 years ago in gym while humming
your parts as you go.
196. The word "fingering" doesn't make you think gross thoughts.
197. You can scale the stadium seats with ease, but you trip on the stairs in
your house.
198. You know all the cheers that the cheerleaders yell at all the football
games.
199. You hum pep band tunes in the shower.
200. Out of boredom, you learn how to play your show on harmonica.
201. You've been in Band so long that your uniform actually fits now.
202. You think of Halloween costumes that involve pieces of your uniform. I don't even WANT to know. (See 227.)
203. Your band is doing a Christmas parade and the parade people made the band
get there 2 hours early; it's freezing cold so various
band members begin to drift into a gas station to get warm and eventually, the
whole band is in there and ends up playing through the field show for the gas
station people.
204. (For drum majors) During practice, the podium doubles as a shelf for your
personal stuff, such as water bottles, jackets, drill, etc.
205. You've seen a trumpet player's lips get stuck to his mouthpiece
because it was so cold outside. Moral
of story: don't play the trumpet.
206. You've become able to fall asleep any time and any place because
the opportunities are so few and far between that you have to take advantage of
them when they're there.
207. When a teacher yells at you for talking in class, it's usually because you
were talking about band.
208. You have certain songs that your
bus sings on every bus ride, and you have to suppress the urge to belt them out
on non-band bus rides.
209. You can cuddle up to and/or share a blanket with anyone in band, and
nobody will assume anything about the status of your relationship.
210. You can change into your uniform outside in the rain in 2 minutes
without getting anything wet other than directly from the sky.
211. You can walk up to anyone in band and fix any part of their uniform
without saying anything other than giving them your instrument and saying,
"Hold this."
212. You see your fellow band members more than your siblings, and your
director and instructors more than your parents.
213. You and your friends gossip about the instructors' personal lives, and
somehow find it more entertaining than gossip about people your own age.
214. Yet, you do still enjoy gossiping about people in band, and you
know that if you're in band, your personal life is no longer personal, and
there's no point in trying to keep it that way.
215. You go up to the band room to practice during all of your study halls, not
just because you need to practice, but because you want to be in the band room.
216. After crying tears of joy
217. As a junior who has never done color guard, you
decide to join winter guard because you just can't stand the thought of not
having "that feeling" for the rest of the year. "That
feeling" could also just mean you're wearing your uniform pants on
backwards; you'd better check and confirm.
218. You never question the unwritten rule that nobody other than
percussionists can go inside the drum closet. God only knows what happens in
there anyway.
218. You cried when you found out that you made drum major.
219. You get bored in class so you pick random people who aren't in band and
decide what they would play if they were based on their personalities.
220. Your idea of a fun Saturday night is spending it at a band competition and
the bus ride home.
221. It does not bother you at all that every Saturday,
you spend over 12 hours doing something band-related.
222. You can tune a piccolo.
223. Tuning out the trumpets is second nature to you. Oooh, burn.
224. It's
225. You actually DO practice your trombone at
226. When you're in concert band and
you're watching the halftime show and hear 4 guys blow their airhorns in the
stands and then you don't talk to anyone for the whole 2nd half of the football
game because you are so mad.
227. You use your white marching band overalls to be an Oompa Loompa for
Halloween, (complete with green hair, mind you) and your friends refer to you
as "the devil in a band uniform." This is an image I think I would
have rather not gotten embedded in my brain.
228. You go to the band room at lunch and watch the Cadets' field show,
even though you have already seen it every day for the past month.
229. (See above) You still oooh and ahhh at
everything.
230. You don't have to wonder what a
guy in band looks like in his boxers, because you've probably already seen him
change.
231. You get to brag to your non-band friend(s) that you saw ____ in his
boxers.
232. If someone tries to walk through the band, you yell offensive expletives
and kick them out with the help of everyone else in your rank.
233. Holding your section leader's instrument is considered an honor.
234. When introducing yourself to a
fellow band geek online you say "I’m the clarinet/flute girl" and
they still don't know who you are.
235. You say "I have a crush on the drum major" and you are
automatically friends with the whole flute section.
236. Thinking the drum major is hot is normal.
237. Stalking the drum major is normal (and easy... I mean, you see him 24/7).
238. If you're in the clarinet or flute section, you meet a new person every
day that you didn't know was in your section. What's really great is when you
don't have to match names to faces, because every one of them is named Sarah.
239. You stick your tongue to a frozen pole because your drum major told
you to.
240. You know your band director, drum major, and section leader's home phone,
cell phone, and e-mail by heart.
241. You go to the band room at lunch
and watch the Cadets' field show, even though you have already seen it every
day for the past month.
242. ...and you still ooh and ahh at everything.
243. You don't have to wonder what a guy in band looks like in his boxers,
because you've probably already seen him change.
244. You get to brag to your non-band friend(s) that you saw *blank* in his
boxers.
245. If someone tries to walk through the band, you yell offensive expletives
and kick them out with the help of everyone else in your rank.
246. Holding your section leader's instrument is considered an honor.
247. When introducing yourself to a fellow band geek online you say "I’m
the clarinet/flute girl" and they still don't know who you are.
248. You say "I have a crush on the drum major" and you are
automatically friends with the whole flute section.
249. Thinking the drum major is hot is normal.
250. Stalking the drum major is normal (and easy...I mean,
you see him 24/7)
"Hand me a band aid will
you? I cut my finger."
"Nah, they're both sorting music right now."
251. If you're in the clarinet or flute section, you meet a new person
every day that you didn't know was in your section.
252. On your bye-week you go to other people's football games.
253. You and your boyfriend go to a Marching Competition instead of Homecoming.
254. You spend hours a day trying to think up something good to put on the 'You
know you're a band geek when...'
list.RAWK!
255. You know your a band geek when you have dated someone from each section of
the band... including the drummers.
256. You're so used to having things thrown at you at short notice that
you assume there will be a pep rally or parade every Friday afternoon (and on
all holidays) and are shocked when there's not.
257. You have competitions with who can hum their parts the best and loudest
with the bus parked next to you at Festival.
258. You've spent a good hour reading 257 signs of being a band geek when you
were convinced by about number 10.
Hoo-hah!
259. You've been to your directors' house almost as much as you've been to your
own.
260. You've been away from home so many times in the past month that your
parents forget you live there. Parents? You mean your
band director?
261. You hear a story of some random band idiot and automatically assume
it was a drummer (or in extreme cases, a trumpet).
262. You've been in band so long that
you've had almost every locker and still remember the combination.
263. You have more music than notes and textbooks combined.
264. You can recall at least 50 other band web sites off the top of your head.
265. More than half of your shirts are band related.
266. ...and you actually wear them...
267. ...on the same days as your section.
268. You know everything about everyone in band such as phone numbers,
favorites and siblings names.
269. You find that most of your closest friends belong to band. Other people
just can't relate.
270. Icy winds and sub-freezing temperatures at football games don't bother
you. Who needs feeling in their toes? Marching band is worth it!
271. You are truly outraged when "opposing bands" presume that they
can play "Louie, Louie" (or any other song, for that matter) better
than your marching band can.
272. You spend as much time practicing your instrument(s) as you spend doing
homework. Wrong notes are something that happens to other people.
273. You download songs that you play in band because they're so much better
than the songs playing on the radio.
274. You want to be a band director when you grow up.
275. You rank your fellow band members in order of their nerdiness.
276. You become psychotic with rage upon finding out that you are only second
on said nerdiness list.
277. When "Greensleeves" is
in your repertoire, you start wearing green shirts to band in order to
subconsciously convince your director to let you play it.
278. You feel slighted because a list such as this so inadequately
expresses your love for band. What, so you want me to do an interpretative
dance? 'Cause I will, you know.
279. After school every day you go
directly to the band room and talk to your band director and band friends and
order pizza with him.
280. You are angry that your band director doesn’t have the same lunch
as you.
281. You have whole CDs of drum cadences that you listen to over and over.
282. You aren't a drummer but you can play
every cadence as if you were one.
283. The drummer in your class gives you a funny look after you play all the
cadences on your desk (see above).
284. Your favorite memories and stories are from band trips.
285. You've developed an infatuation for your director.
286. You get mad if the desks in your row aren't straight.
287. Your favorite mode of transportation is yellow and seats 45.
288. You have no life and LOVE IT!
289. You have a farmer's tan from the last band camp.
290. (For trombones) You
know what it feels like to have your slide frozen in place (see below). Reason #12 to play woodwind.
291. When your slide is frozen, you start thinking of alternate positions so
you can still play most of your show.
292. You have nightmares about dropping your slide on the field.
293. You drive by your director's house over Christmas break,
even though you know he's out of town getting married.
294. When considering the weight of any object, you measure it multiples
of the weight of your sousaphone or tuba. For example, your little brother
weighs about two sousaphones.
295. You switch instruments so often you don't know which section you belong to
and develop multiple personalities.
296. When you're kicked out of the band room for lunch you have absolutely no
idea where you're going to go. It's kind of like you're a sad, lost puppy -
where some people feel really sorry for you, and other people just want to kick
you. Yeah.
297. You can't picture yourself dating/marrying a non-band person.
298. All you have to do to con a new freshman/sophomore into doing something is
say "Come on, its trumpet tradition."
299. People don't believe you when you say band chicks/guys are hot.
300. You skip prom because you have all-state/drum corps practice.
Tune or die, fool
301. You don't even notice that
you're pecking anymore.
302. You speak more than 25 words in Latin, French, and Italian (poco meno
moso, anyone?)
303. Your instrument cost you more than your car.
304. Your ceiling has holes, and you
can remember the specific toss that caused them.
305. You've carried a sabre or rifle to class and no one noticed.
306. The term "6-mallet technique" frightens you. I am quivering in my socks as we speak.
307. You've ever been run down by a tuba (or quads). A GUY CARRYING A
TUBA AND QUADS!
309. You know how to tune a drum... and you aren't a percussionist.
310. You've ever performed emergency surgery on an instrument (with or without
duct tape).
311. You've invented a new acronym for the order of sharps.
312. You know the pitches of all the sounds your bus makes.
313. Forget fingernails on a chalkboard: out-of-tune flutes make you cringe.
314. You would take physics just to learn about sound waves.
315. You've ever turned a metronome on and it brought back memories.
316. You saw Drumline more than once, even though it
was that bad.
317. You've skipped a class to go watch one of your school's other bands
practice.
318. You've ever tried to play two instruments at once.
319. ... and you succeeded.
320. You've played an instrument that's older than you are.
321. You know the acoustics of every room in your house.
322. You have ever used cork grease for chapstick.
That's just called being resourceful.
323. When you do finally date a non-band member, it doesn't matter, because the
director lets him ride on the bus to all the away games as long as he wears a
band t-shirt too.
324. You regularly order pizza to the
band room for lunch because it has its own outside door.
325. If you're late to school, you know you can just go in the band room
door and be fine.
326. You've discovered the beauty of privacy in practice rooms after school. If you know what she's sayin'...
327. When you
*gasp* don't have band practice, all of your band friends come over to hang out
and you spend a lot of time discussing the proper succession of drum majors for
the next four years.
328. As a senior, you have your freshman, and are proud of how well
you've taught them tradition.
329-338 are for university band geeks:
329. You still cry when you hear the band-bus theme song from your senior year.
330. You actually go to college intending to major in music education.
331. All your friends are music ed majors or in the
marching band.
332. Your first criteria for college is that it
have a marching band, even though you intend to major in something else.
(Like history, or science...)
333. Your college essay is all about
how marching band was the best thing that ever happened to you.
334. You have vehement arguments with your college marching band friends about
whether they're “chickens", “plumes", or “fuzzy bunny dicks."
335. You decide to drop concert band for more time to practice, but
would never think of dropping marching band.
336. You go to your old high school's
homecoming and follow the band for the whole parade, playing along on the
kazoo.
337. You inform your former band director that if he doesn't pick your choice
as drum major he will die.
338. The band director listens.
339. You're a Goth girl who plays first chair flute/piccolo, and everyone hates
you for not being popular and STILL getting first chair.
340. Locking a freshman in a cubby is the highlight of your morning.
341. You march in red Converse sneakers and actually think that you're cool
342. You get excited about hearing the next field show ideas.
343. You lose your voice from screaming at competitions
344. You make freshman/1st years wear signs that state that they are the band
bitch. How prestigious!
345. You director (who is bald) allows you to call him Grandpa and Chrome Dome.
346. You know how to make your own slide/valve oil.
347. You know where every piece of equipment belongs in your band truck.
348. You've ever been sent to find a gock and
actually know what your looking for.
349. Most of the people your little brother knows are your friends from band.
350. People stop calling you a band nerd because you take it as a compliment. Damn skippy.
What
do you get when you throw a tuba down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
351. You get excited when the staff finally gets a new tuner.
352. You encourage your director to set out said tuner so you can try it out.
354. When introducing yourself, you say your
instrument, row, and file whether or not it's marching season.
355. You make fun of people because they play on Ricos
during concert season. VanDoren all the way, beeyotch.
356. You make fun of people because they play on VanDorens
during marching season. WHY would anybody DO that?
357. You judge another player by the hardness of their reeds/size of their
mouthpiece.
358. The song “Seventy-Six Trombones" bothers you, because everyone knows
you can't just have ONE tuba in a band.
359. When non-band people have band questions, they come to you first.
360. You arrange for the entire band to
sing “Happy Birthday" to your director. On the field.
At the beginning of practice. (“Band,
atten-hut!" “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO
YOUUUUUUUU...") *Sniffle* Awww. How touching.
361. If you must go into the drum room (Cause your clarinet/flute has to
be kept in there) you've learned to ignore the drummers as you run in, grab
your instrument and leave.
362. You know the feeling of marching with one shoe in the mud because you lost
it on the first backwards slide.
363. After getting your wisdom teeth out, all you can think about is not being
able to play your trumpet for a week.
364. You write a three page newspaper article for the school paper.
365. Your director threatens to punch
you in the face because you turned your head at a competition.
366. You volunteer to erase marching music.
367. You buy a $3000 Bach-Stradivarius trumpet, and have to work off the $700
you owe to your parents .
368. You start working on your All-County solo piece a year ahead of time to
you make sure you have it absolutely perfect before try-outs.
369. You have a broken knee cap and can
barley move, but still come to school just in time for band class (last period
of the day).
370. You actually know what “L'istesso
Tempo" [same tempo] means, because you just frantically studied for the
terminology quiz in band that day.
371. You go through you scales on you imaginary instrument during U.S. History
class.
372. You form “The Trombone
Club"/have friends that are in the club.
373. You join flag corps.
374. (see above) You endure running the 70-yard dash in 20 seconds back and
forth many times in a row because the band can't get the drill right.
375. You wait outside the band room
every morning for the band director to arrive.
376. All your white shirts and your white carpet have valve oil stains on them.
377. You know you're a band geek when you take the time to think of all
of these “You know you're a band geek when..." scenarios.
378. You believe football is just the warm up for the band.
379. You have smacked a football player
with a flag pole marching around the track.
380. You have ever pulled scarves out of your pants or briefs for a drum break
feature.
381. If an administrator wants to find you, all they have to do is walk
down to the band room.
390. You get upset because you have to miss the band car wash.
391. You fall asleep in the band room after getting home from a competition and
you wake up the next morning in a tuba slot. ...With a tuba and the kid who
screwed up the triangle solo.
392. You wear your drill masters like slippers
393. You start singing songs such as “Hanukkah in Jewish" (deck the halls
with big menorahs, falala..)
in 7/8 for fun.
394. Someone will start singing a section of a piece in the halls and
everyone will jump in with their parts in perfect harmony.
395. You can have a whole conversation with each other by just singing
lyrics from various Broadway musicals such as RENT and
396. Your band directors automatically
expect you to pick them up food every time you go to Subway, even if you hadn't
talked to them before.
397. You go down to Subway in a jeep with 11 bandies in
it...including 4 people in the trunk.
398. After school, you try and race your friends to see who can get to
the band room first.
399. Your younger siblings can sing your show music forwards and backwards from
all of the times you've practiced it at home.
400. You're reading this now instead of doing a midterm paper due tomorrow.
401. For those of you who do not have a marching band at your school, you
desperately want a marching band and you have suggested it many times to your
band conductor.
402. Because you don't have a marching band, you join a fife-and-drum corps so
you can learn something new and get to march in parades and see how much fun it
is.
403. You know what key every instrument in the band is in and can transpose
between them.
404. You can't figure out how you ever lived without band before you started
playing your instrument.
405. Your “locker" is your slot.
Tell me, what do YOU do when you find said kid who messed up the triangle solo
at competition in your slot?
406. People wonder why you and your friends ALWAYS walk in step
together.
407. You don't feel comfortable until you're in step.
408. You have dated someone from every
section, and you're wishing that the seniors wouldn't have to go, that way
you could successfully make round 2 on dating all the saxophones.
409. You take it personally when your band director remarks that your
note is flat.
410. You actually MISS the 4 hours of practice in concert season, and you hate
that your metabolism has returned back to its normal state.
411. You don't get aroused when your director wants you to “F Around the Room"
412. When someone says “Justin" it's not for a person, it's for a
cadence.
413. You wore out your Dinkles before you wore out your Nikes during football
season.
414. Finger your parts. Come on, you know you want to. Rawr.
415. Valve oil is practically a bodily fluid.
416. You hear the rumors before the actual events occur.
417. The underclassmen get the ugly plumes. That's just how it goes. You best believe it, foo.
418. You want to be section leader so you can get out of formation to
talk to your friends... er... check the horn angles.
419. You want to be section leader so you can sit on the end of the
bleachers. Leg room is a signal of your power.
420. There are specific dances needed for certain cadences, chasers, and fight
songs. Participation is NOT optional. Do not indict yourself! Yes
sir!
421. Oh, you did DCI in high school? That's cool. It doesn't mean squat. Squats? I hate squats.
422. All you need to fix a woodwind is a lighter, a tissue, a piece of paper,
and a pair of tweezers.
423. All the parties you have outside of band end up being band parties
anyway. Who else would you invite?
Your director's... mom?
424. When “Anyway You Want It" comes on in the car, you each sing
your parts.
425-440: More from the university
crowd. Rock on!
425. You hate
426. You cried when you saw
427. You practiced your Harlem Shake so you could audition for
428. More than half the songs on your MP3 play list are band songs.
429. You hear your instrument in all symphonic songs. “Ooh! I hear
a French horn! That's me!" or “Did you hear that bass clarinet
stinger?"
430. You put the release date of Drumline on your
calendar a month before the previews were on TV.
431. “Push it in" and “Pull out" are perfectly acceptable terms for
tuning.
432. “Push it in" and “Pull out" are not pornographic terms.
433. You make friends with the T.A.
434. “8 to 5" is not a work day.
435. You can tell people didn't do band if they a) have bad posture b)
walk with their feet out c) are not in step with the people in front or beside
them.
436. You can clap, sing, and sizzle almost any rhythm
put in front of you.
437. You have a specific diet for marching season.
438. You can remember your uniform
number from high school.
439. You know who has that one now just by a glance.
440. You ask to be the chaperone on your high school band's trips the year
after you graduate.
441. At least one of the pictures in your room is of you in a band
uniform.
442. You don't have to ask why the drummers have rubber bands on their wrists.
443. You don't question when someone says they're a Boner.
444. The stands next to the band are reserved, too. For
the band parents.
445. On long band trips, you know what's going on in the seat ahead of you,
because you did it on the last band trip...
446. You pretend to be disgusted when someone brings it up (see above).
447. You already know what instrument you want your kids to play. Yours of course!
448. If I say “One-ee and-a two-ee and-a" you can draw a picture of it.
449. You know the security guard in the music school by name.
450. You remember drill from freshman year of high school.
“MAKE 'EM SAY UHHHHH!"
"...on concert Bb?"
451. You hear the rival band playing a version of your band's pep tune
and you say “That is such a bad arrangement."
452. There is at least one person in the band you refer to with a shudder.
453. The football and basketball teams call you the twelfth and sixth man,
respectively.
454. When
455. You stay up to 2 o' clock after the game talking about all though wrong
notes you played.
456. You Take your instrument for a monthly check up
at the local music service store; you can never be too careful.
457. Conversations don't get interesting until the topic of “band"
comes in.
458. Your ego inflates every time you go on a band trip (i.e. Rose Bowl,
Macy's).
459. You can walk into your junior high school when you're a senior and
you band teacher still knows you by sight, name, and what instrument(s) you
played.
460. (Woodwinds) You freak out every time someone
calls you a “field ornament", and still hold strong to the fact that brass
sucks.
461. You know how it feels to have to run off the field pushing a marimba with
a faulty wheel *AND you know the exact angle to push so that wheel works* This band geek's gots skillz, yo.
462. (Flutes) You felt a lot better after seeing American Pie 2 just so that
you could get even with the trumpets for saying “And this one time, at band
camp..." one too many times.
463. When you sign up for instrumental class in school, you are absent
3/4 of the time because of band, of course and still end up with an 85%
average.
464. You face daily death threats for getting first chair saxophone when you
are a) the youngest member of the band and b) there are seniors that should
have taken the position. WHAT THE MOFO
ARE YOU DOING AT FIRST CHAIR?! This is blasphemy, I tell you.
464. You have perfected the art of playing with a broken, torn or
rippled reed.
465. You can mentally replay every song in your bands repertoire from memory,
down to the trumpet solo.
466. You bow before entering the
instrument room.
467. The inside of your mouth is lacerated from all the biting down for
the high notes.
468. Your lips are absolutely ripped.
469. You hear a piece of music called
“Dusty Trombone" and think: “Blasphemy!"
470. You have to get braces from your mouthpiece being stuck in your
mouth all the time
471. You swear and attest every single day that the tenor sax can beat the crap
out of alto any day of the week.
472. You feel as though it is your duty
as a citizen to play the “Hockey Night in Canada Theme" every Saturday
night, to the annoyance of your family members. Crazy
Canucks...
473. You're in
Jazz band and become bitter enemies with your best friends from the Concert
bands.
474. You are able to play your solo from any song using your mouthpiece alone.
475. Your reed is so well used that your band director begs you to throw it
out.
476. After said throwing out, you hold
a funeral, and build a coffin for your reed.
477. You weep for weeks after this funeral.
478. You take Italian just so you can show off your smarts on your next
music theory exam.
479. You offer to carpet the ceiling of
the band room so your solos will echo less
480. You offer to vacuum the carpeted ceiling of the band room, so your
solos won't echo
481. When your friend writes out a song in “da
da daaa" you know
exactly which song they are talking about.
482. When you saw the movie “Drumline" and felt
some sort of joy that a movie interprets band as a sport.
483. Not only do you remember marching music from last
year, but also the parts for at least three different instruments.
484. You go home after a football/basketball game and practice your pep band
tunes.
489. Polychords don't scare you.
490. You got bored, so you composed a
song then had your band sight read it the next day.
491. Your band hates you because your song has 5 flats. (see
above)
492. You can march to 9/8.
493. You are good at marching to 9/8.
494. You can conduct in 1/1, 2/2 (or 2/4), 3/4, 4/4, and 5/4 with little
effort.
495. ...and you're a sophmore. (FROSH!!!)
496. You constantly pester you band director with new marching show ideas.
497. When you get a song by Bach, the first thing you look for is a tritone.
498. To your dismay, you don't find one. (see above)
499. You know what a tritone is. ...tri..angle? Damn kid who screwed
up the triangle solo...
Trombone
500. You love tritones (especially if you're in jazz band).
501. You can read a twelve bar blues.
502. And solo to it. (see above)
503. And make it sound decent. (see above)
504. And you're not in jazz band. (see above) (French
horn)
505. You have all 84 major, minor and
natural modal scales memorized and can play them on cue (Ionian, Dorian,
etc...).
506. You computer desktop picture is a picture of your marching band,
and you can find yourself in the picture with little effort. Second
rank, third file, beeyotch.
507. You stay after school, solely for the purpose of playing the drum set
without having the drum captain yell at you.
508. You get “SAX ARMY" printed on
your letterman jacket.
509. Despite the fact your school doesn't have an orchestra anymore, you
learn how to play cello. (violin, but our school does still have an orchestra. Dorkestra is more like it though, hahaha)
510. You have a Percy Grainger t-shirt (mine is yellow). Mine's blue!
511. You spend four out of six periods in the band room during school. (does every
period count?)
512. The whole band is on your buddy list.
513. All-State auditions are a major social event.
514. You count jazz eighth notes in math class with the other jazz band kids...
just for the fun of it.
515. You play air French Horn.
516. People get your attention by calling out your uniform number.
517. You tell your other teachers to call you by said number.
518. You memorize all the trombone chants. What? You have trombones that aren't stoned long enough to make
up chants? (no, I make them up and the stupid bone
heads steal them)
519. You memorize them in hopes of using them as your section cheer next
year (see above), and you secretly wish you were a trombone. 'Scuse me, but who
in their right mind gets jealous of brass? (I jest because I love, remember.)
520. You yell out your section's chant even if no-one's backing you, and
you don't feel embarrassed.
521. You only visit FanFiction.net to read the Marching Band section (in Misc).
522. You're still kicking yourself for missing that one practice where all the
flutes played in tune with each other.
523. You are able to pick out and name all the different chords in your
favorite songs (which are band songs anyway).
524. During silent reading time, you try to pursuade
your teacher to let you read your music.
525. You use your band teacher as your counselor, advisor, and shoulder to lean
on. Word to the third.
526. Your pet(s) run away when you open your horn case.
527. You know the difference between a French horn and a mellophone.
528. You start looking in the other sections' boxes to see the quotes or
interesting phrases in them.
529. You remember all of your director's strange anecdotes.
530. You trace back your family history with what instrument they played.
531. You don't need pain medication: just the memory of running drills numbs
the pain.
532. You have stopped envying the pit
for not having to march: their parts are much harder than yours.
533. It means something to have marched 180+ tempo.
FLAMING LEGS.
534. You spend Friday night watching band videos.
536. You drive 550 miles to go to
Scouts practice every weekend.
537-542: You know you're a band geek's kid when...
537. Your dad's best friend is your band director.
538. You've gone to so many concerts that by the time you're 3, you can direct
in six-eight time.
539. Your dad organizes band competitions.
540. Your parents go to band competitions an hour early to save seats
for everybody else's parent.
541. When you were four, you danced
with the flag girls while
wearing a bikini for your dad's marching band when they played “Itsy Bitsy
Teeny Weeny Yellow Polka-Dot Bikini”.
542. You could carry 4 music stands at once by the time you were six. Training 'em while they're young.
That's the way to go, I say.
543. You start relating your horoscope to upcoming band competitions and
events.
544. You don't look in the classifieds for cars. You're looking for a new
private instructor.
545. You know how to insert the bocal of a bassoon into a trombone lead pipe to produce a “tromboon" (an instrument made infamous by PDQ Bach,
sounding something like a badly pitched lawn mower).
546. A friend of yours, who is learning the bassoon, learns that if you
finger the lowest note, and someone else sucks on the bell (like a bong), it
produces the overtone series of unpleasant squawks, and subsequently runs
around the music building/complex/suite yelling, “SUCK IT!" and shoving
his bassoon in anyone's face. ...I am SO JEALOUS.
547. You have been removed from a “claimed" practice room by being lifted
and thrown into the hallway.
548. You have your own practice room.
550. You enjoy scaring your dachshund by playing multiphonics
on the saxophone.
551. COLLEGE STUDENTS ONLY: you know exactly how much beer to drink out of your
bottle to produce the tones of a dominant seventh chord.
552. Worse off, you actually sit with 3 other people for an hour tuning said
beer bottle dominant seventh chord. Rawk.
553. You mistakenly spell it “spinal CHORD" on your biology exam
(not spinal cord, as you should have spelled it).
554. You know the differences between German, French, Italian, and Neopolitan sixths. None of which are pizza.
555. You will travel up to 3 hours to go to a decent music store.
556. You own Eastman Wind Ensemble CD's. Juilliard's
are better.
557. Your flute has its own insurance
policy.
558. The idea of getting a car your junior year is wonderful because it
means you can hang out in the band room longer because you don't have to catch
the bus
559. You hardly ever refer to people by their real names; you call them
whatever nick name they were given freshman year.
560. All your non band friends hate you because the conversation always turns
to band stuff.
561. No one calls your mom Mrs. Smith -
they call her Mommy Smith.
562. You know the gross joke behind each sections band t-shirts.
(Woodwinds Finger Fast, Trombone Kama-Sutra: we do it
in 7 positions, Kicking brass, Rule one for safe sax:
always use protection).
563. You have no idea where anything is in your room except for all your band
music, drill books from all years you were in band, your concert clothes, band
shoes, and both of your instruments.
564. Your sole basis for dating a guy is what instrument he plays.
565. Your band-mates all have band-related screen names
566. You can tune almost any instrument, and play exerpts
from a solo of such, but you can't figure out how to type.
567. Your friends call you a faggot and you don't mind (actually, it's a
compliment... and for non-bandies, faggot is German for bassoon).
568. People can ask you if you fingered your faggot today, and you won't clock
them.
569. If you call the pit guys fairies they will hit you with mallets until you
ring Bb.
570. You have attempted to ride the marimba to the football field, and it
resulted in what you'd like to call “sport-related injuries."
571. No, the vibes won't go faster if it's icy. You're supposed to
attach ice skates when it's icy, dumb-butt.
572. Bass clarinet players are notoriously short; about half the size of a
sousaphone. Bahaha.
573. After marching band season, you never have to buy shoes again... until
next year.
574. Even scarier than 9/2 time: a flag girl with an attitude and a rifle.
575. You have a year-long argument over which is a subdivision of which: emo,
or punk, and then you compromise by saying that marching music beats all.
576. Low brass gets pissy because a bassoon, bass
clarinet, and baritone sax are included in this unfair generalization.
577. You know that the alto sax is stalking the bassoon player, who thinks the
quad player is hot, who consults the stationary keyboard player on Final
Fantasy stuff, who is best friends with the bassoon player.
578. This is your version of the “Kevin Bacon game"
579. With the uniforms scattered haph-hazardly on a
crowded bus, you can still find yours in the dark silence that follows a
competition. Or party, either one.
580. You get bored in class, you compose music that is
a variation on a variation of a re-arranged exerpt
from a previously played band song.
581. You tell your friends that the guy you're dating isn't in band, you
rationalize by saying: “Well, he plays a drumset..."
but it doesn't help.
582. You have real debates about what drum major is hotter, and all of a
sudden, you have to choose who your real friends are.
583. You seriously think of putting a sign at the middle of the bus, proudly
stating, “COLORED SECTION" (of course, to indication that section is colorguard only).
584. You proudly display that you're a band geek on every article of clothing,
including underwear. Do they make day-a-week underwear with a new note for each
day? If not, they should. That's gotta be some mad
money.
585. That dweeby bass clarinet player is actually
allowed to zip you out of your pants.
586. Being in extreme heat (or cold) for long periods of time is normal to you.
587. You notice the school bell is out of tune.
588. Your parents were so sick of you
playing your instrument in the middle of everything,
they gave you your own practice room.
589. You get enraged whenever anyone gives you the American Pie joke,
even if you've never seen American Pie.
590. You and your band friends all get together at slumber parties to watch
band videos from the years before you joined band.
591. You are ecstatic when you find out you are getting new uniforms next year,
but you feel a little sad and nostalgic, too.
592. You want to punch someone when you learn that you're getting new uniforms
not next year, but the year AFTER next, when you'll have already graduated. !@#$
593. Your suspenders have so little elastic left in them,
you have to double them over and safety-pin them to keep your pants up.
594. You have shoe-polishing parties.
595. You know that the cigarette paper and dollar bills that woodwinds keep in
their instrument cases has nothing to do with illegal activities.
596. You go to band competitions you're not in to check out the hot guys in
band uniforms. Rawr, or something.
597. You make jokes about shanks, bores, and lead pipes.
598. You refer to pieces you play by the conductor/arranger and not the title.
599. Singing on the bus after away games is called “Bus Choir”.
600. Bus Choir kicks the actual choir's ass.
601. You get walkie talkies so you can overhear the
staff's walkie talkie conversations.
602. You have lengthy online conversations about this list with your friends. Woot.
603. You write a TON of stories that in some way relate to band and/or are
based on people/events in your band program.
604. You complain about people who can't sing/dance to a beat.
605. Your mom comments on how similar your band director looks to your dad and
you almost quit band because of it. What? This is grounds for feeling ULTIMATE
BAND PRIDE.
606. Your license plate says “BNDGK"
607. You know your band directors license plate, phone #, address, and
schedule.
608. While reading some of these things you say “wow that sounds like a great
idea!" and then you go and do it.
609. You're surprised when a non-band person doesn't know what a ligature is.
610. You know the band directors from other schools.
611. You've had to buy extra memory
space for you computer because of all the classical midi files and downloadable
sheet music you've saved.
612. You actually paid for some of that downloadable sheet music, and it
was probably most of “The Lincolnshire Posy."
613. You can spell “
614. You skip family vacations to march in Memorial Day parades.
615. (Horn players) You have threatened to move out if
your little brother took up the alto sax.
616. (Alto sax players) You have threatened to move
out if your little brother took up the French horn.
617. You've been kicked out of the practice rooms to give other kids a
chance, so you went and practiced in the bathrooms instead.
618. Your parents were forced to buy a bigger car just to fit the people from
your section in it.
Woot, it's more for the band geeks of higher
education. Repreizzent. (619-630)
619. You join the band fraternity or sorority.
620. You have marching band comic strips taped to your dorm room wall.
621. You eagerly follow Bowl Game schedules to see if maybe you'll go somewhere
warm and sunny in December.
622. You know what Aural Skills is... and you're not a music
major.
623. Grad assistants on wiggly ladders are very funny to you.
624. You've written a constitution for your section.
625. You come back to visit your high
school band, and you stand at attention when it's called.
626. You have called the university directory service to get the phone
number for “a blonde alto, she's a girl, I think she's
from
627. (Saxes) You have ever used your upturned neck and
mouthpiece to simulate a bong/crack pipe.
628. You have ever mocked the ROTC guys for being out of step during pre-game. Bahaha.
629. Even though you are falling down
drunk, you are still able to march perfectly and not miss a note.
630. You have deep, meaningful relationships with people and yet know
them only by their nicknames and instrument.
631. Your drum line smokes weed, gets caught, and your season ends two weeks
early - resulting in your missing Chapters and ACC's. You're so upset that you
miss them, that you still go to the competitions just
to watch even though you have to cry through the entire thing. I bet your
lesson was learned. Hmph.
632. You can direct all the past shows before you were drum major, and
challenge the old drum major that you can direct it better.
633. You refuse to participate in a joint sectional with trumpets.
634. You're head band librarian. And you actually have assistant librarians.
635. You tell the band aides what to do, because you're one of them, too.
636. The director pulls you out of your aide period to work with the lower
band's clarinets
637. Interpretive dance isn't just for the Guard anymore... it's a
section-leading way of life.
638. EVERY piece of flag work has a name.
639. You go beyond naming your instrument, and have names lined up for your
next couple of purchases.
640. You have a favorite Guard outfit
641. You tell people to forward your
mail to the band hall library.
642. If anyone needs you, they can leave a note on the table in the band
library
643. You stop speaking to your section for a week when they don't come to
sectionals.
644. You come to marching band playing sectionals even though you're in Guard.
645. The thought of not making it into the music school at your college of
choice brings you to tears.
646. You won't see your best buds during the entire summer after your
graduation because they'll be marching DCI and you'll be at college band
events. Tra-gic.
647. You KNOW when the tuner is screwed up: NOBODY is THAT flat... except the picc.
648. the
directors for the music department have to kick you out of the music department
at
649. The highlight of your weekend was the party at your music instructors house.
650. Your instructors ask you to run errands for them, and let you borrow their
cars to do so.
“We're in a heavy metal band."
”Me too, man, my sousaphone's gotta
weigh like 40 pounds."
651. You have keys to your instructors
houses/cars.
652. All the band moms can get in a kickline and play
various parts of your show... from memory.
653. You lock your car doors and you try to match the pitch of the beep
with a note.
654. You conduct to the music on the radio in the car--while
driving.
655. You tell horror stories to freshmen about “the year we had 8 sets of
double time!"
656. The shoes you wear with your tux
to the prom have rounded heels.
657. You stack the band room chairs up to the 18-foot ceiling. Mad props, yo.
658. You go to EVERY band function, even though you're a cheerleader.
659. You manage to get a hold of a band
t-shirt and wear it at least once a week, even though you're a cheerleader.
660. You have the best band locker (even though you're a freshman) (or a cheerleader).
661. You're a freshman who didn't do marching band (damn that cheerleading),
but everyone else in Wind Ensemble (not only your section) still knows you.
662. You quit cheerleading to join marching band. ...The dark side wins again.
663. You have band t-shirts from before you got to your school.
664. You scream bloody murder and cry when you get a one on your solo at
contest.
665. You visit music websites every day even though you know exactly what's on
them.
666. You order free band brochures because you want to hang the free poster on
your wall.
667. You're a member of at least 3 school sponsored bands.
668. A member of the band has printed out this list, passed it around the room
during rehearsals, and 3/4 have sat around after
school highlighting the best ones. I feel so loved. By loved, I mean stalked.
669. You're in the laziest band in
670. You're willing to take a subway ride all the way across the city
for band rehearsals, and come home at
671. You're in the official pep band
for a pro football team, and lord over all your friends the free tickets you
get.
672. A 96% in band class is low.
673. Your grade in band is over 120%.
674. Your grade in band is over 140%.
675. There's a sale at the music store,
and - much to the annoyance of the staff - you camp out for 3 days in tents
waiting for it to happen.
676. You run around the school yelling “I'M AN ARGONOTE!!!" at the
top of your lungs, and you are the only one who doesn't think you're crazy. (Argonotes are the official marching band of the Toronto
Argonauts, of the Canadian Football League.) Best. Name. Ever.
677. It's Argonotes- not the
Argonotes, thank you very much.
678. You've been expelled for playing
a solo 9 octaves up, when you were warned to play no more than 2 octaves
up.
679. You get a letter from
680. You cut physics class on a regular basis to go hang out in the band room.
When you start to learn about frequencies and pitch, though, you show up to
every class and immediately become the best student. Subsequently, your physics
teacher thinks you are possessed and sends you to the nurse. (But
nooooooo!!! Band is next period!!!)
681. You ask for a detention in band just for an excuse to stay longer.
682. You find pleasure in being able to conduct 3/4 and 4/4 at the same time...
683. ...and you put that on the drum major tryout requirements. You also wrote
the rest of the tryout requirements.
684. You've had a crush on the band director's son.
685. You've had a sleep over at your
Band director's house. In his front yard, without him knowing beforehand, that
is.
686. Playing through a rehearsal when it's 100 degrees outside with 90%
humidity? Not a problem.
687. You've pondered who would win in a band vs. football team fight. (Hmm, 160
band members with instruments vs. football players. Let's see.)
688. You dance at every single drum cadence while in the stands. Even if
you're the only one and you look like an idiot.
689. Your section has pre-game rituals.
690. You've nearly slipped in a puddle of brass player spit.
691. You've had to suck the spit out of your instrument.
692. You clean up the band room for fun.
693. You walk around your room doing stuff (such as IM, eating, sleeping,
talking on the phone, TV viewing, radio listening) while holding your flute.
694. you can name at least 5 people from every
marching band within 30 miles of your school
695. You can play all of your marching band tunes on all the brass
instruments.
Five mo' fo'
the college kids, wooyay.
696. You have keys to the music department building and you carry then with you
at all times.
697. All your stories start "You would never believe what we had to do at
practice today..." and all your roommates leave.
698. All of your roommates are now in band although they swore they never would
be. It is contagious like hoof and mouth disease.
699. Your walls are covered in old band trophies, medals, and certificates.
700. Your behavior is excused when you say "I'm with the
band."
701. You've mastered the skill of walking off the field with a trombone slide
attached to your ponytail.
702. You play your clarinet/saxophone until your lip bleeds - at which point
you get mad that your reed will now be stained, but continue playing.
703. You give your concert band a name.
704. American Overture for band has been played so many times that you have it
memorized. And it turns you on.
705. You have to wear your marching band shoes to the spring concert, and you
don’t mind a bit.
706. Your parents met in college
marching band. Do you see the tear you bring to my eye?
707. You make up an entire marching band drill with Goldfish Crackers
during lunch.
708. You take the director's hall pass and
smack him with it on the behind. Oh dear.
709. You take the directors patons
and hide them for the year.
710. You take the directors hall pass when you're a senior and hang it
up on your rearview mirror in your car to show off.
711. (Oboe and bassoon players:) You go to IDRS events and can't wait to go pro so
you can get your membership.
712. You know what IDRS stands for.
713. You know all the different kinds of cane and get offended when people
don't know what you're talking about. And you're a brass player.
714. You want the brass line from the Blue Devils to play at your wedding.
715. When you're explaining to one of your best friends why you're reading 700+
symptoms of band symptoms and use the excuse, "It's a band thing".
716. You come up with a song for your band. The regular school song was chicken
arse quality anyway.
717. You start recruiting new band geeks from the lower band
718. You don't mind getting to school at a
719. While watching Drumline with band friends, you
start renaming the band members in the band on the movie with the names of
members of your band.
720. At football games, you can get away with acting like a plume is a boa and
wrap it around your neck whilst continuing to play and sing. That is one
long-ass plume, homie.
721. "Once more" does not, in fact, mean once more.
722. You see a flag and you duck
without thinking. Especially when you are driving past McDonalds and you see
one of their classy flags flying out front, I bet.
723. You can drink soda on a bus without spilling it. WHY would you have
soda within a 20 foot radius of your instrument?! (hello, brass players; instruments go in
the storage area of the bus!)
724. You can tune the 25 flutes all named Sarah perfectly.
725. You start crying because your new school doesn't know what a mellophone is
and has never had one before.
726. You still go back to your old school for concerts, even though it's a four
hour drive.
727. You adopt someone as your section mascot so your section can rub their
stomach before a competition.
728. When asked who you would never date, you reply "Anyone from
729. You have a secret supply of sunscreen.
730. You have section parties just for the heck of it.
731. You think lower of people who cant read music
732. You've witnessed your director hit someone in the head with a baton.
733. You've witnessed your director place a flute case between his legs.
734. You've seen a tuba mute.
735. You've ever drooled over a trombone section's performance. Because that
spit valve action is so irresistible, you know.
736. You've seen someone break a drum head at state/national level
performances.
737. You've ever stared at a trophy and acted completely stupid when someone
acknowledged you as you stared.
738. You get dumped for a drum major.
739. You compared your arm width to that of a bassoon.
740. You have found food in your sousaphone... and you saw somebody eat it.
741. You use honor bands as an excuse to pick up potential honeys.
742. You take IB music (even if you're not in IB). Check out the cross-list reference on this number, yo.
743. You quit IB after the coordinator says the band is not important, which is
the biggest load of crap ever. Wordy word.
744. You play air quads.
745. You've created band mythology.
746. You practice your field marching out in the street.
747. You make up lyrics for concert pieces.
748. You can run in step.
749. Your director has adopted you.
750. You start to wonder if any of your band mates are going to try to marry
the director.
I see you baby, shakin' that brass.
-UCLA marching band t-shirt
751. You think band should be a graduation requirement.
752. You dream about practice.
753. Marching around the house constitutes as
exercise.
754. Your children will have genes for glide stepping.
755. You get a tattoo of a music symbol. Anywhere. Doesn't matter where.
756. You consider getting a leash for your instrument case.
757. The word 'locrian' turns you on.
758. You select fellow band members
after which you'll name your kids.
759. Nothing smells better to you than band uniform BO.
760. You meditate at attention, and you march in your sleep.
761. You can play and sleep
simultaneously.
762. Your instrument has ever doubled as a weapon.
763. You've marched in an evening gown.
764. You can sleep right next to a jamming percussion section.
765. You want band songs played at all your milestone events (i.e. wedding).
766. You have contests with fellow trombone players to see how many
animals/objects you can see in a puddle of spit.
767. You are dressing down and scream "I'm not straight!" and nobody
thinks anything of it.
768. You have slipped on the field while jazz running in a crazy set, and
accidentally threw your flute two yard lines down as you sprain your wrist on
your neighbors shoe. You then scramble to
retrieve your flute and make it back in the correct set without the director
noticing. Skillz.
769. You walk through the halls practicing double tonguing regardless of the
weird looks you are getting.
770. You have been hit in the head with half the instruments in the band
(including the stationary ones that aren't band related, like the piano).
771. People can't stop singing once they start singing.
772. When there's a tornado warning, you immediately take your adored clarinet
into the closet with you.
773. You use pick up lines, like, "I'm a fermata... hold me."
774. You filed suit against the producers/directors of 'American Pie' for
defamation of character resulting from that 'this one time at Band Camp' scene.
775. Who needs Chapstick when you've got cork grease?
776. You take a Band Geek quiz and are determined to be the
Ultimate Band Geek.
777. You never want to graduate so you can stay in band.
778. You think about trying to see if Chapstick is
just as good as cork grease for your instrument, but decide not to, for fear of
the Chapstick ruining your precious.
779. You found a picture of your marching band on a website that isn't even
your school's, and you can find yourself in it.
780. Instead of clapping on the downbeats during a John Phillip Sousa song, you
clap on the upbeats.
781. Your date at band ball notices the key changes.
782. You make fun of Drumline. Or secretly wish that
was you.
783. You're surprised when people's personalities don't match their instrument.
784. What's with female drum majors
being well endowed?
785. (For tubas) You've been knocked over by a football
player.
786. (For tubas) You've learned how to pick up your
instrument without bending over.
787. You've developed "tuba shoulder." And you play flute.
788-799: University band geeks
again, hooray!
788. You miss competitions, but revel in high school competitions you grace
with your presence. You are gods! Recognize.
789. You go back to be a "chaperone" on your high school's tour.
790. You go back to your high school's competitions and are surprised when your
freshman have switched instruments.
791. You DESPISE Astroturf; so many freshman
have been lost that way.
792. You switch from flute to tuba because you were an alternate.
793. "Cal-Stanford" is the only football game that means anything to
you, in that you were more concerned about the trombone player than whether or
not that guy actually scored.
794. You sit in with the pep band of the local high school.
795. You are a marching instructor for
the local high school, even though you didn't go there.
796. After hearing your stories of college marching band, your little brother
begins trying to do the same things in high school.
797. You know all the reasons why Marching Band is better than sex. And
you believe it.
798. Your band director tells you that you spend too much time in the band room.
799. (This one's for the Catholics) You've ever written/conceptualized
Mass Settings for DCI and marching band...picture a priest entering to Cadence.
800. You start missing your band director the day after school is out, because
you won't get to see him every day.
801. Your poor instrument has to go
into the shop because you dropped it *GASP!* one too many times at practice
whilst pretending it was a baton or a drum major mace.
802. You cry because it's taking forever for your instrument to get
fixed and you can't practice.
803. You can convince someone to get in a tuba locker, then quickly lock them
in and have the entire band make fun of them. And then do the same thing the
next day. Your band is, uhm,
clever.
804. You have made up a parody to every cheer the cheerleaders do (see number
198) and have even forgotten the original words.
805. You miss class to go to the
chiropractor, but don't miss band practice. Instead, you learn how to
pick up a sousaphone without bending over.
806. You belong to the band fraternity/sorority webring.
807. After hours of band practice, you have an uncontrollable urge to
practice at home - even though your are in terrible
pain because your mouth is on the verge of bleeding.
808. You know that you fit inside your
music library's sliding shelves. What is it with people and seeing if they fit
into things not made to fit people, yo?
809. You've climbed inside said drawers to retrieve your precious supply
of valve oil, which was thrown behind the shelf.
810. You find it amusing to crab walk up and down stairs.
811. Your director had to kick you out
of the band room after competitions because it was
812. You hear a song and instantly picture what the drill would look
like for it.
813. People have gotten into screaming, punching, weave-pulling fights about
who should be head drum major. Weave-pulling! Classy.
814. Hits have been taken out on people who stole your chair placement.
815. The band gossip is better than all the soap operas put together.
816. Instead of going to a movie on the weekend like normal people do, you plan
the drill for next year's show, even though you aren't the director.
817. When a tornado comes through during pit orchestra practice for the
musical, you take your metronome and clarinet with you and laugh at the actors
who have nothing.
818. Off the top of your head, you can think of at least 87 dirty jokes about
saxophones.
819. You invited your only non-band friend to hang out and she left half way
through because she was tired of being so lost and ignored. And you didn't
notice she left.
820. You can perform a tracheotomy with
your directors pocket knife and a brass mouth piece. Skillz, son.
821. Your director is commonly known as God.
822. You and your band buddies have IM conversations in song titles.
823. You think that, at the Senior Awards Ceremony, they should have an award
for being in band all four years.
824. You have fantasies/nightmares about the gag gift your band director will
give you when it's YOUR turn.
825. You embroider "bandgeek" on all of your clothes.
826. You've used your black marching pants and white undershirt to play
"mime."
827. You got excited when a marching band was formed on Spongebob.
828. You were less than excited when the "flag twirlers" on Spongebob
were way off count.
829. You develop a deep-rooted hatred for the new 'all-star' freshman, and make
a deal with the rest of your section that if 'We go down, he's going down with
us'.
830. You force your way into pit orchestra as a freshman, even if there are
upperclassmen that should and want to be in it
831. You fight to be your section leader’s favorite freshman, so what if some
of the people you’re competing against are your best friends?
832. When your section leader gets sick, you can’t help but think ‘hmmm… maybe
I’ll get to sub for him/her in … show’
833. Your band director is frightened about how much you pride yourself in
being a bandgeek
834. You get sick and while in the hospital, you request your mom print out
some of the ‘you know you’re a bandgeek if…’ and bring them to you
835. You post above bandgeekisms on your wall to try
and speed up the healing process by reading them
836. You play your F horn, practice your trumpet, and attend your
trombone private lesson, all with-in 6 ½ hours after getting your braces on for
the first time
837. You’re a freshman and you get a spot on an end row because you march
better than most of the upper classmen
838. When your football team makes it to state, you’re thrilled because then
the band gets to go too.
839. When the rest of your band doesn’t want to go three hours one way to play
at the game, you simply look on the opposing school’s website for their
director’s phone number, call him up, and ask if you can play with their band.
He of course says yes.
840. When you go and play with that band, they discover that you’re a hardcore
bandgeek like all of them, and declare you an honorary member of their marching
band.
841. Your school is a jazz school and as a freshman, you say how marching
schools are better because those kids are in shape and can play well. Even if you get clobbered for it.
842. You keep up on all of the band gossip ‘just to know’ but don’t bother to
share any of it with anyone else. Although it’s band, everyone except you (whom
doesn’t care) has a right to privacy
843. You absolutely loathe people that just sign up for band for an easy A, and
not because they positively adore the thought of being called a bandgeek and
playing their instrument
844. Those whom don’t follow the ‘one band, one sound, one
look’ policy should be shoved in a tuba case for all four years of high
school.
845. It’s insulting that those whom are bi, tri, etc.
instrumental, are not taken nearly as seriously as those whom stick to one.
846. You have a timeline of what years you played which instruments, and when
people ask what instruments you’ve played, you tell them about said timeline.
847. Someone calls out ‘hey bandgeek’ in the hallway, and you respond. Even if there are ten other band members around. You know
they’re talking to you.
848. If your name is musical (i.e. Melody), you share a love hate relationship
with it. You love the fact that everyone can always tell that you play an
instrument, but despise the fact that your name is said frequently in band
class.
849. If you have a musical name, some directors have discovered the fun of
waiting until you space out, then slipping your name into their lecture or
story, just to watch you freak out, thinking that you should be playing. (how could you ever think of spacing out during band class?)
850. You can name more than half of your rival school’s band
851. You know the rivalry tree of schools in your area, along with the names of
the top fifteen or so high school bands in the country.
852. Everyone in band admits that you’re by far your band’s biggest bandgeek.
No one even tries to take the title away from you any more.
853. And it’s less than half way through your freshman year.
854. You can play an instrument through your nose
855. You don’t get why people make such a big deal about being
bi-wind-instrumental; it’s not like it’s not standard
procedure these days.
856. One of your link leaders never goes to Wind Ensemble, but still is taking
your spot in the group, and it thoroughly gets under your skin. Or makes your lips all swollen.
857. You like to post messages in various places about how you have more
experience in tonguing than the average person.
858. Even though you’ve never been kissed.
859. You have no life and are immensely proud of the fact.
860. You take more than three band classes at a school that you don’t go to,
due to the fact of being homeschooled
861. You were in IB, got bored with it, then when you got out of it to do home-schooling, you worked it out so you could take three band
classes opposed to the two that your old schedule allowed you to take
862. You’re not officially in a group, but go to the class every day and hold
first chair in said group
863. You’re the band librarian and it became that way the first day of freshman
pep band retreat; you took the job then, and it will be yours until you
graduate
864. Being the band librarian drives you nuts, but it makes you even crazier if
you’re not the one taking care of all the music, so you adore your job anyway.
865. You’ve figured out the sin and cos
transpositions between trumpet, F horn, and mellophone
866. You know the history of the F horn and are more than willing to share the
information with anyone; regardless of whether or not they ask you for it
867. You continue to listen to smooth jazz even though everyone in your band
hates you for it
868. The formal raping of Chris Botti’s trumpet in the ‘When I Fall in Love’ cover, should be considered a real crime of trumpet
molestation, and a fine should be issued by the trumpet players guild.
869. Perverted band jokes will always amuse you.
870. You’ve been to trumpetplayeronline.com and know that the site has
technical issues, but is great except for that.
871. You’ve been to saxplayeronline.com and know that no one ever looks at it
and that sax players have pride issues with their instrument. More of lack of pride.
872. As a trumpet player, you’re forced to play lead in a group, when you
usually play fourth, and instead of having your ego sky rocket, you become far
more modest than you even were as a fourth trumpet player
873. As a freshman you work to earn band more respect, and with constant
effort, you are rewarded. With the help of your ability to mention upper
classmen, particularly ones that hold high spots in ASB, Athletics, or are
notoriously awesome on their instruments.
874. You use the word ‘
875. It annoys you that just because three of your siblings have all played a
certain instrument, people expect you to play that instrument still, even when
only one of your siblings continues to anyway.
876. Although you’re annoyed by people expecting you to still play your
siblings’ instrument when you don’t any more, you still need to play their
instrument at least once a month to avoid missing the it
too much. After all… you have a family legacy to with hold.
877. On homecoming, when your marching band takes it’s
photo, your hair is one of the school colors and you don’t care a bit. Even if the photo goes up in your house where anyone can see it.
878. You begin to analyze (especially if you’re in IB) everyone in band and why
they sit where they do and play the part that they play
879. You eat lunch in the band hall
880. Your homeroom is the band room
881. You succeed in convincing someone
from the rival school, to come to your school for the IB program, and although
they swear they’ll still be loyal to their original school, they become your
school’s biggest defender.
882. You’ve taken trumpet lessons from two different teachers both named
James.
883. You skip a music school field trip of going to a big music convention
because it just consists of a bunch of people doing something you could just as
well do by yourself with out the immaturity and distraction.
884. However, you still insist upon going to the one class before the field
trip, leaving, then meeting them back at school after
the trip for the one other class.
885. Even if the school where the program is at is twenty minutes away and the
classes are only hour long functions and you’ll need a different brass
instrument for each.
886. Your usual morning routine of getting ready takes less than ten minutes,
however preparing for a concert you easily spend forty-five, and you don’t even
need to select your clothes for it.
887. You eat a specific food before each concert.
888. You listen to a certain CD on your way to every concert.
889. You make yourself a flip folder a year before you’ll need it for pep band
(such as if you’re an eighth grader and don’t do pep until high school)
890. It annoys you when a new person comes into your section in the middle of
the year and you have to pull some of their weight even though it’s weight of
something they could do themselves.
891. In reference to above, it only annoys you pulling their weight at one
assembly, because it’s the boys vs. girls and the band is split up, and you’re
a mellophone, so the girls need you desperately bad but you have to fuss over
the new person.
892. The boys vs. girls assembly is fun, but sucks because the guys have all of
the brass and percussion and the girls have all the woodwinds, so even though
the girls have far more spirit, since their band is so much quieter, the guys
tie.
893. The thought of not playing in pep band for *gasp* six and a half months,
makes you so sad that you cry about it on multiple occasions (the stretch
between basketball and football)
894. Your director has warned you on multiple occasions to turn down your band
pride so you don’t scare the new people in band.
895. An hour after arriving in your new band room, for freshman pep band
retreat, you’re so comfortable with your surroundings (even though you’ve never
seen them before), that the other freshman assume you’re an upper classmen.
896. You talk to your link leaders and are the only member of the link group to
do so.
897. The only reason you talk to them is because they’re in band and you’re in
band, and you happen to eat lunch in the band hall (same as them), every day,
so really they’re just your friends opposed to really your link leaders.
898. You skip link crew to go to the freshman pep band retreat.
899. Your link leaders kick you out of link crew to go to the retreat because
they’re so sick of your incessant ranting and talking about band and how great
it is.
900. Although the fuzzy bunny joke was instated in seventh grade and retired
before eighth, you still use it and people still laugh at the jokes and sarcasm
that you do use it with.
901. Complaining about sore throats is for wimps. You
had strep throat and still played with out a complaint.
902. You practiced a week after getting your tonsils out and your
cauterizations were slow in healing. Somehow you managed to not undo them.
903. You’ve gotten cork grease in your eyes
904. You’ve sat on your mouth piece by mistake, and had it go up places that
were referenced in American Pie.
905. Although someone sitting on their mouth piece is a funny thought, you know
truthfully painful it can be.
906. Transposing from Eb to F, although easy, drives you nuts because someone
would be inconsiderate enough to not compose a piece with a part for the F
horn, in the key of F.
907. You know which practice rooms to avoid because of extremely hot or
extremely cold conditions.
908. People that don’t know what and the order of ‘score order’ can be
considered imbeciles.
909. Explaining keys (i.e. concert Bb) to most non-classical guitar players is
like explaining Jell-o to a brick wall. It’s just not going be processed
correctly if at all.
910. You have a bad habit of conducting accurately to any song that you hear,
regardless of where you are, thus you get even more strange looks than you
really deserve.
911. You wonder why people look at your strangely when after all, you are in
perfect time with the music you’re listening to, and it’s very precise
conducting.
912. When your band director leaves someone else in charge of helping the
substitute while he’s gone, you immediately loathe the person and steal their job, after all… it was rightfully yours to begin with.
913. Others are jealous of your awesome relationship with your band director
and how he gets very annoyed with you but five minutes later is extremely
pleased
914. If you play an uncommon instrument (i.e. euphonium), you’ve used your
rareness to both help and let the band director suffer, depending on how
they’ve been treating you recently.
915. you go between wanting everyone to be in band and
only the true band geeks to be in band, because in band, both quality and
quantity count
916. the mood swings you have of wanting band to be select
and band to be for everyone, cause your fellow band mates to become both
insulted and concerned at the same time
917. It’s unthinkable not to be in band for all four years of high school
918. Being away from full band even for a week (i.e. over a school break)
causes you great sorrow.
919. Although, with the week off, you have even more time to practice and use
the break well as practice time.
920. You wish your band played at more pep events
921. Your rival school makes it to play offs, so you go and play with their
band because it gives you yet another opportunity, to hang out with bandgeeks
from another part of your state.
922. You can go sit in with another band and their director doesn’t even notice
that you’re there because you’re playing everything correctly.
923. You bring your mouth piece to games that you don’t play at, and show them
to the admittance people, saying you’re with the band. They immediately let you
in for free even if you’re wearing a t-shirt for your own school.
924. If you’re into jazz, many of your idols died of drug overdose
925. You’ve heard a director get excited and yell “Don’t do drugs! If you want
to play better, practice! Getting high is a lie!”
926. It was at jazz band camp that you heard the director yell it at all of the
campers.
927. The first music you burn into your iTunes juke box are
all of your play-along CDs, such as Jamey Aebersold.
928. You pray about making certain spots in band or band related events
929. You become a cheerleader, because
although it will cause you to miss playing at most of your own school’s events,
the band guys will stare at you and notice you even more.
930. And, you can still play at half time anyway
931. You take pride in being known as the ‘band bitch’ because you’re so
willing to bitch out anyone in band as though they’re one of your siblings.
932. You order a sweatshirt with ‘Music
Commander’ on the back of it, even though your school didn’t order band
sweatshirts that year.
933. You can play two instruments simultaneously and they’re both wind
934. You can play two wind instruments at the same time, through your nose
935. Band competition is coming up and your stressing
about it more than anyone, although you’re at least as prepared as anyone else
if not several times more
936. You become enraged when someone says that they don’t know why the band continues to
practice a piece of music even though ‘it’s almost perfect’
937. The piece referenced is far from perfection, and you inform them that it’s
partially their fault
938. When someone says ‘I don’t like that song because it requires practice’
and yet claims they love band, you chew them out more than a dog chews a bone
939. You are often called ‘mom’ by your fellow band members because you nag
people so much and care a bit too much per say
940. You’re a freshman in more than three school sponsored bands
941. You’re a freshman in more than four school sponsored bands
942. You locate a marching school near your jazz school and ask to march with
them the following year, so you still get to have your marching fun.
943. You drink mountain dew when you play your wind instrument, even though
it’s bad for it, because you need the energy. You have hours of IB/AP homework
to tackle after an after school band practice.
944. When above is needed to be done, you use your beater instrument or
‘accidentally’ grab someone else’s by mistake
945. Your band director doesn’t scold you when you don’t bring your horn and
use a school horn of someone in a different class. Even
though it looks nothing like your own.
946. Your mom is one of the main band moms and you automatically volunteer her
for chaperoning events.
947. And you don’t feel embarrassed in the least
948. Your section is so well bonded that mistakes are made, but no one can tell
because the whole section makes the same mistakes at the same time.
949. You’ve earned more respect on people following orders half way through
freshman year, than most seniors do in four
950. Your role in the band family is both ‘obnoxious underclassmen’ and
‘responsible upperclassmen’ regardless to what your actual year is.
951. The drum majors ahead of you drive you crazy because although they can
keep time, they really just wave their arms. It’s you that conducts with style
and finesse.
952. If you have or have had braces, you know that it’s much easier to play in
chains than it is in individual, because the chains create a more even surface.
953. You request chains because of how much nicer it is to play in them
compared to individuals
954. The one year you’re not in Wind Ensemble (freshman year), you and the
other member of your section decide that you don’t want to try out, so you
boycott the tryouts but end up in Wind Ensemble anyway (yeah, there are like a
million F horns, right…)
955. Your instrument is over 5 times older than you are, and you’re sixteen or
over.
956. Even still, the thought of selling it when you get a new instrument is
terrible pain because the instrument’s yours and you love it. After all, it’s
gone with you to band camp every summer.
957. You write down funny and random things that your band director says and
plan to give him a book of them at the end of your four years of high school.
958. Your music folders serve as memorabilia for the different years you were
in band.
959. Even though it’s only half way through the year and your folder is
completely trashed, it’s still your folder and will remain that way until the
end of the year.
960. You use music store tags on things besides your instrument (i.e. backpack,
athletic bag, etc.)
961. You’ve written articles for the school paper about band and your director
(the man behind the maestro).
962. Having puffy gums makes it harder to play, but there’s no way that you’re
going to sacrifice any of your practice time just so your gums aren’t as swollen.
They’ll go down once the braces come off… it’s only two to five years.
963. You confuse fingerings on a
regular basis for trumpet and F horn, even though you know the trigonometry of
how they work
964. The clarinets are working on a sequence that goes from middle G to high D,
very quickly, and you suggest something for them to do to make it easier (even
though you play F horn)
965. You could listen to clarinet cadenzas for hours
966. You know what a cadenza is
967. And you’re not a woodwind
968. You inform your orthodontist that they need to hurry tightening your
braces, because you’re missing band practice.
969. And you play a brass instrument.
970. Your wind ensemble audition goes well, but after it’s over your band
director chews you out about how bad you are and how stuck on yourself you are,
etc. Even though, it’s not true at all.
971. Crazy trumpets… listening to music on their headphones in a dark practice
room, you walk in and they’re behind the door. You both nearly jump out of your
skin. (forget skin, you two were probably planning
that, getting ready to jump out of your clothes)
972. You adore the five hour sessions of rehearsal in the pit, the week before
the musical
973. You’re really tired at the end of the final showing of the musical, but
you also feel amazing because you were a part of something so special.
974. You feel guilty when you don’t practice an hour a day.
975. You miss the 24 hours of pit rehearsal during performance week
976. You would love to go up on the stage and jump into the safety nets right
above the pit. That would just be completely awesome.
977. You were going to go with your rival school on their trip to
978. You’ve run into professional musicians at jazz programs and they come up
to you and say something like ‘oh! You’re that one kid from that clinic I did
six months ago’, with no prompting.
979. You’ve been told that you should be a band director.
980. You’re told that you should be a band director at least once a week
981. You see a rehearsal for a play that you played pit for in the past, and
you start mouthing all of the dialogue and the songs along with the actors.
981. You know the dialogue better than the actors and they’ve had the script
for a few months whereas you had only show week to learn all of the lines
982. You start snapping your fingers in an up and down motion to try and help
the people on stage find their cues, and they start snapping along with you
thinking that you’re telling them the choreography
983. The director gets incredibly pissed just because she knows that you know
the play far better than her crew does, and you dropped out of it after you
found how slow it was going.
984. It bugs you at a combined concert with the feeder middle and elementary
schools, the upper classmen are older, so they get all of the solos.
985. It makes you feel better when your director admits during one of the
underclassmen rehearsals that you can play them better, it’s just that they’re
older
986. You find out that you’re in the masterworks concert a week before hand and
you’re completely thrilled.
987. Your life seems upside down when you play reversed parts in special
groups, i.e. first when your normally play fourth or fourth when you normally
play first.
988. You say phrases like ‘oh crap! I still need to email that band director
from *school you don’t go to* to see if I can march with them next year’
989. You work out to music from band camp
990. The drummers cheer call cadence is one of the best songs to listen to you
when you’re depressed because it never fails to put a smile on your face
991. You’re the music commander and when the percussionists lose a piece of
their music and need you to make another copy of it, they play your favorite
cadence, then ask you.
992. The above bribe totally works and you make them a new copy of the music
with a smile on your face.
993. When another band at your school, that you’re not in, goes on trip you
miss your friends that are on the trip like crazy and talk about how much you
miss them to other members of your band. Members of your band that don’t even
really notice they’re gone.
994. You pray for extra pep assemblies between basketball and football season
so you have an excuse to use your marching instrument.
995. You’ve submitted a resume to your favorite local music store
996. In the resume, you mention how much band camp changed your life forever
and how that could help your ability to serve customers.
997. You fully intend to do drum corps during at least one summer of high
school, however you don’t freshman year because you first need to go to jazz
camp and make sure you’re in the top jazz group, before you worry about
marching (after all, you stand on the end anyway; work before fun is just how it
has to work unfortunately)
998. You play an instrument that’s over five times as old as you are.
999. And you’re over fifteen…
1000. You insist that F horns and Tubas belong in jazz band, after all…
1001. Your director doesn’t agree with you and this makes you so angry that you
threaten to write a letter and stick it on Count Basie’s
grave, expressing the blasphemy that’s occurring in your high school band.
1002. You know how to fake your practicing
1003. You know how to fake your practicing, but why on earth would you want to?
1004. You convince the drumline to mess up on purpose
at a benefit parade and they won’t get in trouble for it.
1005. You go to a volunteer summer marching band
1006. You start a myspace group about band
1007. You’ve started more than four myspace groups about
band
1008. And people have actually joined them.